AITA for calling someone out of their white-elephant gift, that was significantly under the spending criteria?

A Redditor shared their experience at a social group’s white-elephant gift exchange, where a participant brought a significantly under-budget gift but walked away with an expensive item. The incident led to tension and, ultimately, the participant leaving the group. Read the full story below to consider whether they handled the situation appropriately or went too far.

‘ AITA for calling someone out of their white-elephant gift, that was significantly under the spending criteria?’

A social group that I’m a part of held a white-elephant gift exchange last night. Participation was by absolutely no means mandatory or even expected. The event was divided up between two pricing tiers; under $25 – $50 and $75 – $100. The majority of members went with the less expensive tier for obvious reasons, and there’s absolutely no *stigma* within our circle for doing so. In fact only 9 out of our nearly forty members chose the more expensive tier, myself included.

Well I was picked to go 3rd and I selected a gift that was wrapped quite beautifully, thinking that was a good sign, but I was disappointed to discover the gift was a hot chocolate set that certainly wouldn’t have met the criteria of the lower range, let alone the one we were participating in.

I could tell the others in the group felt roughly the same just by the looks on their face, and my focus was directed to one woman (Jen) who was looking away, clearly embarrassed. As you might imagine, no one took my gift.

Now I know its petty not to be happy with what you’re given, but let’s be honest here in saying that Jen was throwing in the sort of thing you’d find on clearance at Walmart knowing full well she’d walk away with something pricey in turn. In this case, Jen wound up with brand new Keurig.

I discretely pulled our social group’s leader aside and mentioned my concern to her. She expressed she wasn’t happy with this herself and that she’d even tried to tell Jen not to participate with the more expensive tier because it was well known that Jen wasn’t doing great financially, but Jen had sworn up and down that it wouldn’t be an issue.

We didn’t want to disrupt events, so I was asked to put on a kind face and to avoid talking about the gift for the remainder of the evening, which I accepted as people were trying to have fun.

This morning I received a long winded text chain from Jen, expressing how frustrated she was that I’d demeaned her by complaining about her gift. She went on and on about how nice it must be that I can simply throw my money away while others, like her, are struggling, and that her income shouldn’t mean she can’t have nice things. Instead of fighting, I forwarded the texts to our group leader, and I’ve since received word that Jen would no longer be a member of our social group.

Now, if I’m being honest, I do genuinely feel bad because I know how happy being a member of this group made Jen. She has had a lot of setbacks in her life. I do not hate her or hold any negative feelings for her at all. I simply felt she was knowingly taking advantage of the rest of us to basically trade up beyond her means.. AITA?

See what others had to share with OP:

SnooPets8873 −  NTA this isn’t like typical friend/family gifting where the thought still counts for something, this sounds more like a club with rules for participation to ensure everyone benefits at roughly the same level and Jen broke the rules. Every piece of this was under her control – she could have not participated at all, she could have participated in the more affordable category.

She instead gambled on social politeness and people allowing her to snag an expensive item without it costing her. And in a purely social group of friends or a family gathering, it likely would have worked because people wouldn’t want to appear unkind or greedy by complaining.

For an annoying cousin, I’d have kept quiet. But if I buy a raffle ticket that guarantees a $100 value prize at my local community center? I’m absolutely going to complain if they gave me a box of hot chocolate in return.

Trevena_Ice −  NTA. She took advantage of the group. She wanted the more expensive group to get herself a nice gift and decided for herself that you are all to polite to point out, that she is way under the price limit. Honestly the group leader should have talked to her about that and made her excange the present she got with the one she brought. Why is it fair that everyone should pay 75-100$ and then get a 4$ choclat gift. there is a price range for a reason. So yeah kicking her was the right thing to do.

Cracker_Bites −  Jen has champagne taste on a beer budget. You’re NTA. You dealt with it discreetly. What she did was on her. It’s really disappointing to participate in these things when folks don’t play right.

SweetAshori −  … The amount of White Elephant gift crazy posts I’ve seen this year is definitely surprising me, although it probably shouldn’t. Makes me grateful that my family’s White Elephant exchange is standard and boring.

But for this one, NTA. It definitely feels like Jen was trying to game the system, and when she got called out for it, she got upset. Yes, it sucks that she’s dealing with a lot of hardships, and that’s something I think most people will sympathize with, but it doesn’t excuse her actions and behavior. She should’ve chosen to stick with the cheaper end of the exchange or just sat out entirely.

StAlvis −  NTA. Her income shouldn’t mean she can’t have nice things. That’s exactly what it means, Jen.

LindonLilBlueBalls −  NTA. Jen wanted a pricey gift without having to spend the money to get one for others. Some people call this manipulation, but I just call it stealing. If you agree to exchange gifts based on price and do not hold up your end of the bargain, it is stealing from others. The group leader should not have waited until you got an irate text. They should have been proactive and instructed you to pick another gift when they saw what it was and pulled Jane from participating.

Aw_Yeah_Nuh −  NTA. Jen deliberately entered the higher value tier gift exchange and submitted a cheaper gift because she wanted to profit from the exchange. She’s unethical. She deserved to be booted from the group.

cosmiceggroll −  I’m glad you don’t have any stigmata in your group. Stigmata are bodily marks, scars, or pain that appear on a person in the same locations as the wounds of Jesus Christ during his crucifixion. Talk about making White Elephant awkward.

Purlz1st −  Damn, just when I thought Christmas couldn’t be more commercial. Even white elephants now have first class and coach.

CartoonistPrize8186 −  NTA, but it seems bonkers to me that a social group, which is supposed to be about inclusiveness and bonding, has a tiered exchange system that encourages segregation through financial means. Why not just have a 25 limit and be done with it?