My boyfriend doesn’t take us seriously anymore

A 23-year-old woman has been in a long-distance relationship with her boyfriend for 5 years. Recently, issues have resurfaced, especially around honesty and commitment. He missed plans for her brother’s birthday after staying out all night drinking and doing drugs, lying about his intentions.

He has also been lying to her about his new friends, acting differently around them, and not sharing details about her with them. Despite her efforts to save for their future, he hasn’t saved anything and doesn’t contribute to bills.

He has promised to change but continues to repeat the same behavior, leading to feelings of frustration and disappointment. read the original story below…

 

‘ My boyfriend doesn’t take us seriously anymore ‘

I M23 have been with my boyfriend M23 for 5 years now and it was our anniversary this weekend. We are in a long distance relationship, but we see each other every second weekend. For the majority of our relationship I have been madly in love with him and I feel like I can say he’s the same.

We hardly ever argue or bicker because we’re both very relaxed around each other. That being said, there have been some issues throughout the relationship and for some reason all of those issues are coming back all at once.

Recently I asked him to come to my house for a weekend for my brothers 21st birthday and he said of course and had his bus booked. Then he decided to go on his staff night out the night before (which is obviously fine) but stayed out all night drinking and doing drugs and didn’t show up to the plans that were made,

and after lying multiple times he had actually never booked his bus and knew he wasn’t going to show up. His bus was meant to be at 1 and he was still drinking at 12:35. I had to tell my entire family at that moment he wasn’t showing up and it was embarrassing.

The night before this happened I asked him that no matter what happens please promise you won’t lie to me (because I knew he would lie about something)
He has a habit of lying to me whenever he’s around his friends, and since he started his new job in April and he’s made new friends he seems so uninterested in me.

He’ll act differently around them and he’ll tell me things he thinks I want to hear and I know he lies. He’s also not telling these new friends about me and every time I’ve brought it up he says “no one in work talks about their personal lives” but has told me stories his friends have told him about their relationships.

I’ve told him from the beginning I seriously value honesty in a relationship and he has lied a few times throughout but this time he seems a lot worse. Another thing that upset me was I’ve been saving for us to move out for 3 years and have a lot saved and he told me he has nothing.

We’ve been talking about moving out for a while and I’m even going for a promotion next year so we have a better chance. We both live with our families, but he pays no bills and gets paid weekly and doesn’t save. I pay bills, get paid monthly and still save.

We’ve talked about these things and he told me he’ll change and he’ll stay away from drinking because every time he does he ends up doing something to mess up our relationship and he gave me a big speech about that but as soon as a night out got brought up he’s going again.

No matter how upset or anxious I get he just tells me things to keep me happy and then does it again and again.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

foxmcloud555 −  You are in a one sided relationship and he doesn’t view you as a serious life partner. You are clearly in *very* different places. He is casual about lying to you, and he definitely won’t change that habit.

What advice would you give to someone who told you their partner lies to them so frequently and effortlessly? I think you’d hope that person had enough self respect to leave.

Soft_Entertainment −  Girl he’s repeatedly lying to you and is clearly not willing to progress the relationship. Cut the dead weight and find someone who values you and respects you.

Sabineruns −  It is really easy to hide a drinking problem when you only see someone every other weekend. I think this may be less of a case of “he doesn’t care about you” and more of a “he’s got a serious substance abuse problem”. Sadly, unless you can get him to want to quit, you probably need to leave.

fearless-artichoke91 −  He is still a child. Move on and find someone who respects you and is not a j**kie/ a**oholic

For2n8Witch −  You have outgrown him. D**p him. 

It’s tough when your partner’s actions don’t align with their promises, especially after years together. How do you handle repeated disappointments in a relationship? Share your thoughts below!