2nd UPDATE – AITA for immediately donating the gifts my stepmother bought for my children?
A Redditor is back with an update about her stepmother, Mary, who sent another box of gifts for her children despite being asked not to. After receiving the package.
The Redditor decided to donate the gifts, and also took steps to limit contact with her father, who is still in communication with Mary. Read the full update below to see how this difficult situation unfolded.
For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/ykeeO
‘ 2nd UPDATE – AITA for immediately donating the gifts my stepmother bought for my children?’
I really didn’t think I’d update again, but I figured I’d let you know that Mary sent us another box. This time, my father warned me. Last week, he sent me a text that read “Mary is sending Christmas gifts for the kids. I promise I just found out.” I was at work, and sure enough, the box was there when I got home.
My husband and I managed to take it to our bedroom before our children saw it. The box was smaller than the previous one, and we counted 10 toys with Christmas wrapping inside. Six for my daughter, four for my son.
There was also another note, which read pretty much the same as the last one, with an added “I’m sorry you didn’t get my other gifts.” I decided to text Mary this time. I unblocked her and wrote the following: “Anything you try to give me or my children will be donated immediately. Please stop attempting to contact us.
You will never be allowed near my family.” I then blocked her again. This was my first time unblocking (or even contacting) her in five years. The next day, I spoke to my father. He said Mary didn’t tell him she was sending me the box until after doing so.
He’d been out of town for a week at that point, and she hadn’t said anything about buying my kids more presents before he left. She let it slip to him over the phone, and then begged him not to tell me. Apparently, Mary was distraught at my text. That’s all I know about how she’s reacting to this.
My father is doing his Christmas shopping right now, and there are a number of reasons why I don’t think he was involved in this. Still, I don’t feel like I can trust him right now. I told him he will see me and my family less often than usual for the next few months.
We’ll see each other on Christmas Eve (party at my cousin’s; Mary was banned years ago), and then in February for my aunt’s birthday (weekend trip; Mary’s not coming). Besides that, I intend to remain in low contact with him for a while. I don’t intend to keep that up forever, but I want to be able to trust him again. My father said he understood.
I know a lot of you wanted me to cut my father off. I’m not sure I can explain why, but I don’t want to do that. Even if I did, I’m not ready to. It might happen in the future, and I’m well aware it should be happening now, but I do think we still have a shot at making this work.
This entire week was crap. The first time Mary sent us the gifts, I was just confused. This time, I was very upset. I cried when I read her note. I am feeling much better now, though. My husband and I donated the new toys over the weekend, and getting rid of them felt great. I am very glad we managed to protect our children from this.
Also, let me add one final time: I came to AITA to ask whether I was wrong for donating the gifts, not for cutting ties with Mary. So if anyone else intends to tell me I should allow her in my kids’ lives, don’t bother. I will not budge on this. I don’t think I have anything else to add.
Check out how the community responded:
parodytx − No one should ever have to apologize or explain why they cut toxic people out of their lives.. Good on you.
Odd_Knowledge_2146 − On the plus side, hopefully some kids that really need it, will get a decent Christmas gift. Soak in that positive thought. Your kids have everything they need from people that matter, they are not missing out. You just improved someone else’s Christmas which is lovely.
Agoraphobe961 − NTA. The notes are what are doing it for me. The whole thing is boundary stomping, but the notes to the kids are just passive-aggressive manipulation
Ok_Bit1981 − To write “I’m sorry you didn’t get my other gifts,” is beyond wild. She is trying to weaponize her “love,” and make you two the bad guy. She doesn’t care about the kids; she cares about how she looks to everyone.
“Look! I’m the loving Stepmother and Grandma with all these gifts, but OP won’t let me love them!” She’s a grade-A n**cissist and a b•tch! Protect your peace OP<3
Vegetable-Cod-2340 − NTA. The note was a blatant manipulation, because if the kids got to the box first, they would read that and would have asked ‘what other gifts?’ That seems like a deliberate attempt to create a divide between the op and their kids.
CyberArwen1980 − You said Mary is banned in your cousin’s party. Do the rest of your family have relationship with her? If not your father doesnt realise what a kind of wife he has…
does he prefer isolate himself from the rest of his family? lose you,your kids?and all of this over a woman? sorry but this makes my brain explode bc i dont understand, toxic as fck. Better witjout him for sure
Hadge_Padge − Good on you! You are slaying with this.
RedneckDebutante − It’s ok to manage your relationship with your father rather than cutting him completely off. Those of us with s**tty families sometimes gotta work with what we have. You don’t have to justify that.
I’m NC with my mother, but my father is allowed under strict conditions. We only discuss a select few topics, and if he doesn’t follow the rules, he goes into time out.
rmfkr − NTA. I read them all. Donate those gifts. There are kids out there that need the toys and at least some good will come from the crappy situation that you’re in.
Happy_Dog1819 − Goodness, no NTA. Saving children from the crazy lady is what parents are supposed to do.
Do you think the Redditor made the right decision by donating the gifts and limiting contact with her father, or should she have handled things differently? How would you have reacted in her situation? Share your thoughts below!