AITA for coming out in the family group chat, and pressuring my younger brother to come out after my sister said something awful?

A 20-year-old man (M) came out as gay to his extended family via a group chat, but things went awry when his sister (22F) made homophobic comments, including saying that her kids shouldn’t be exposed to his sexuality.

The family’s reactions were mixed, with some offering support and others expressing discomfort. In response to his sister’s hurtful words, the man made a comment about his sister’s past, which led to further tension.

This prompted his younger brother (18M), who had remained silent, to come out as well. His sister accused him of pressuring his brother, and the family became divided. The man’s mother suggested he apologize for escalating the situation. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for coming out in the family group chat, and pressuring my younger brother to come out after my sister said something awful?’

I (20M) am gay and have known for a while, but until recently, I only came out to friends. My family is a mixed bag some are supportive, some are not, and most just try to avoid “controversial” topics. My younger brother Jye (18M) is quiet and reserved, but we’ve always been close.

A few days ago, I decided it was time to come out to my extended family. I figured the family group chat was the easiest way to avoid having a million awkward individual conversations. I sent a simple message “Hey everyone, I just wanted to let you know I’m gay. It’s not a big deal, but I wanted to be honest with you all.”

Most responses were positive. My cousin (25F) sent a heart emoji, my grandma said, “We love you no matter what” and my dad sent his signature 👍 But then things took a turn. My aunt sue replied “I just don’t get why this needed to be shared.

Some things should stay private” My uncle said “As long as you dont push it on us were fine with it” And then my sister Ann (22F)whos married to a guy who’s h**ophobic added “Just don’t be gay around my kids. They’re too young to understand all that”.

I was taken aback by what I was reading. I replied “Wow Ann do your kids need to understand you being straight, or is that just reserved for me?” She doubled down saying “It’s just confusing for kids.

I’m trying to protect them, I would hate for them to turn out like you” My aunt backed her up saying “She has a point kids don’t need to be exposed to everything” I replied “well maybe you should have kept you legs closed if you can’t support your children”.

This is where things took a turn. My mum claimed what I said to be “out of pocket” and “shaming” My sister freaked out and said that I was “hoe shaming” and that I “need to go to the psych ward”.That’s when Jye, who had been silent suddenly sent this message.

“Im gay too. So maybe think about how your words are hurting both of us” Cue absolute chaos. Aunt sue freaked out saying “What is happening to this family?” My sister accused me of “forcing” Jye to come out and said “Youre making everyone uncomfortable,

He only said that because you pressured him” I snapped and replied, “Or maybe Jye felt brave enough to be himself after hearing your disgusting comments. God forbid your kids grow up in a world where people are treated equally” My sister went ballistic, saying “Don’t you dare bring my kids into this.

You’re trying to tear this family apart!” Jye left the chat entirely, my mom sent me a text saying, “This isnt the way to handle this” and my dad tried to check on Jye, but he hasn’t replied to anyone since. Meanwhile, my grandma sent a long message about how “family should stick together”.

Now my mum says I should apologise for escalating things, and Ann is mad accusing me of “ruining her life” I feel bad that Jye came out in such a heated moment, but I didn’t force him to say anything. Did I go too far?

Check out how the community responded:

ColdstreamCapple −  NTA OP You didn’t pressure your brother to come out, He chose to reveal his own sexuality in solidarity with you. I’m so sorry you have such a terrible family and you DO NOT need to apologise to any of them Are you and your brother safe?

Because I would strongly recommend you start saving money and get a game plan in place to support each other and move away from these people as quickly as possible .

Unfortunately sometimes in life we find out that family isn’t always blood, it’s the one we create with people who support and love us 100% and not conditionally. I hope all works out for you and your brother OP

ericthehoverbee −  This is the same story from slightly different POV as was posted recently. I call botballocks

edebby −  NTA. Your sister is clearly h**ophobic. Reflecting her p**bia on her kids. Kids by the way are the first to understand completely what gay means, and how people who love each other can be from the same s**.

They embrace it without questioning anything, and without getting “confused” or whatever crap homophobes imagine.. She is horrible to say the least.
But you dude, well, you lost it a bit too. you went down to their level in your response, instead of keeping in civil and proving all the points raised.

I’ll say to your defense that you didn’t “pressured” your brother to come out. The situation as a whole pressured him to come out, starting with the h**ophobic remark from your sister, and the support she received from other AH in your family.

I think your (loving) brother felt it is was you against all the AH in the chat, and decided to come for your help.. He’s a sweet boy – keep him close!

Afraid_Ear_6681 −  Your title is very misleading

Bold-Belle2 −  NTA. You never actually pressured your brother to come out, your family did by being h**ophobic with their comments and he chose to do it himself to show how their homophobia not only effects you but him too. I do think some of your comments were unnecessary,

but they were also justified in that they were protecting yourself against their homophobia. Its unfortunate people have such rigidity and outdated mindsets about sexuality, especially for their children, which has nothing to do with them (your sister) as parents. Just shows how immature and unsupportive she is.

RusevDayToday −  NTA. I was worried reading your title, but seeing how things went down, you didn’t pressure him at all. It seems like he wanted to push back against the hateful comments you were getting, which is f**king brave of him to do to be fair.

But you didn’t out him, drag him in to it, or anything, the hateful people in your extended family did. And no, you didn’t escalate things either, you matched their energy with the h**red they were expressing, nothing more. They were tearing the family apart by hating you for who you are, and things wont be fixed until they sort out their toxic attitudes.

Snurgisdr −  NTA. Obviously your bigot sister is the problem.

Frosty_Resolve_1937 −  NTA ur family seems like a bunch of dicks

NoInteractionNeeded −  “Just don’t be gay around my kids. They’re too young to understand all that” just answer with a question: so your kids are stupid? please explain to me what is hard to get about the concept that some people love the other gender and some the same gender?

I will take a guess: they got the stupid inherited from you because that basic concept is to high for you? and don’t worry I will no longer be on your presence because I don’t surround my self with people that stupid.. NTA

littlebitfunny21 −  This is why queer people have found family. Your family doesn’t support you. Reach out to Jye and make sure he knows you’ve got his back, then go find the people who will support you.

While the man didn’t force his brother to come out, the heated exchange may have made things more complicated. Some think he was right to stand up for himself and his brother, while others believe he could have handled it more calmly. What do you think? Share your thoughts below!