AITA for refusing to take down my ex gf’s painting?

A Reddit user (31M) is in a disagreement with his wife (29F) about a painting made by his ex-girlfriend during their college years. While he values the painting for its artistry and nostalgic depiction of a meaningful place, his wife feels uncomfortable having something in their home created by an ex. This conflict has escalated as they settle into their new house, with both sides holding firm to their perspectives. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for refusing to take down my ex gf’s painting?’

I (31M) and my wife (29F) are currently moving into our first real house. As we were unpacking/sorting things into different rooms yesterday, she found painting I’ve had for years and asked what the story behind it was. Note: I’ve had this painting displayed for as long as she knows me (it hung in our first apartment we lived in after we got married) and she never had any problem with it before.

My college ex-girlfriend was an artist and made the painting for me a long time ago. It’s a nice scene of a park we used to frequent when we were together and is very good craftsmanship-wise, so I kept it after we broke up.

When I told my wife this, she got really upset and asked why I wanted a reminder of my ex-girlfriend in our house. She said it felt gross and that if she’d known who made it, she wouldn’t have let me hang it up in our bedroom in our previous apartment. I was surprised because I didn’t think it was a big deal.

That relationship ended almost ten years ago, and I really just like the painting now. It’s not like I think of my ex-girlfriend when I look at it. I’ve just gotten attached to it over the years because it’s been everywhere I’ve been and captures a nostalgic place I used to be fond of when I was in college.

I tried to explain this to my wife, but she didn’t want to hear it and said she felt “icky” and didn’t want it in her house. This then made me frustrated because it’s literally just a piece of art. In the heat of the moment, I told her she was overreacting and being dramatic and insecure.

I said that she controls most of our decor which is fine, but that I was allowed to hang my own things up too. She then stormed off into the other room, and we haven’t really been talking since. TLDR: Wife wants me to get rid of ex gf’s painting even though it doesn’t mean anything. AITA here?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Dragon_Queen_666 −  ESH. She’s blowing this way out of proportion but you didn’t need to hang it in the bedroom. Put it in your office or something where she won’t have to look at it and find something that you both like to hang in the bedroom.

Tally0987654321 −  YTA The bedroom? Oof You blew that one. Maybe if it was in the spare bathroom you’d be able to come back from this one. lol At this point, the painting is a napalm bomb that can’t be defused

ThatOneValorantGuy −  NAH. I’m just gonna take what you say at face value and try not to make my own inferences. I think she’s valid to be upset. Some people view keeping an exes present or belongings as some form of attachment. I would guess it happens a lot in other relationships. Perhaps there’s some trauma there that she hasn’t shared with you. From some previous experience with an ex in the same scenario.

I also believe you when you say you have no attachment to your ex. I have clothes from my ex that she left and never came to get, and my wife wears them and knows they were hers. She doesn’t care in the slightest. She actually bought one of the same shirts but in a larger size and slightly different print because she likes it so much.

At no point do I ever think about my ex wearing any of the shirts she left, nor do I wish I had my ex instead of my wife (ex was a**sive and a c**ater). It just depends on the person. I think you guys need to talk it out like adults. If she truly cannot stand it came from your ex, ditch it.

If you can convince your wife to mutually agree to keep it somewhere else, do that. I would bet everything I own, it’s not what you said but the way you said it. At the end of the day, what’s more important to you? A painting or your wife’s feelings and security? Pretty easy decision imo. Good luck op.

socialyawkwardpotate −  You’re both YTA and NTA. NTA for keeping this art piece. The relationship ended 10 years ago, it has no meaning anymore, it’s literally just a painting to you right now. It’s kinda weird that she’s that bothered by it after so long. What does she think is gonna happen, that you’re gonna one day remember your ex by looking at it and run back to her?

But YTA too. You might not think of your ex anymore when you look at it but your wife definitely will think of her now every time she sees it. It might feel to you like she’s overreacting and dramatic about it but she feels that way because it’s been in your possession for so long, even hung up in your *bedroom*, and you’ve never told her its meaning. She feels blindsided.

If you want to keep the relationship, you can’t keep the painting, at least not in clear sight. If you feel like you’re gonna resent her for it, it’s time to think of a couples therapy.. But seriously, *the bedroom*??

Goddess_of_Bees −  As an artist, ESH. It’s not weird you kept the painting, people need to grow up and stop acting like you have to purge your whole house of everything you bought/created/collected together. Your wife included.

But, it sounds like you dismissed her feelings, maybe even laughted at her or got angry about it in your bewilderment, which escalated the situation instead of de-escalating it. Now you’re both upset and this item is now super loaded, and now you have to make consessions and apologise. I’d suggest storing it for now, to show your wife you care about her feelings, but not tossing it because you’re allowed to have items of your past.

Foxlikebox −  YTA it’s a keepsake. I absolutely get wanting to keep it, but put it in a private area. Of course, your wife is going to feel weird about you still keeping and displaying something your ex made you while you were together.

No-Understanding9745 −  Nah but i agree with the sentiment that having it in the bedroom wasn’t the best choice…

MegaEupho −  YTA. I think it’s fine that you’ve kept it, especially since it is a nice piece of art, but putting it on full display in your shared bedroom is weird. It’s a painting of you and your ex’s favourite date spot for god’s sake. I do think your wife is overacting, but you’re not helping the situation much either.

Witty_Day_8813 −  Not weird you kept it, but I understand why she’s feels a bit hoodwinked after it had been hanging IN YOUR BEDROOM. You have every right to keep it, and she might be overreacting but that’s just being human. Not a hill I’d die on tbh.

HsinVega −  NTA, your wife is overreacting and jealous of a relationship that ended more than 10 years ago. The painting doesn’t have a romantic significance to you anymore, tho I would have hung somewhere other than the bedroom.

Is the husband being insensitive for keeping a painting from his ex, or is the wife overreacting to an object that has no romantic meaning for him anymore? How would you navigate this situation? Share your thoughts below!