AITA for not letting my step-sister borrow my wedding dress?

A Reddit user finds herself in a family conflict after refusing to let her stepsister borrow her wedding dress for her upcoming ceremony. The dress holds sentimental value, and despite feeling guilty, she struggles with the idea of sharing something so personal. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for not letting my step-sister borrow my wedding dress?’

Me, (F23), got married to my husband about a year ago. It was wonderful and probably the happiest day of my life. My family was involved with everything and I was delighted by it. Including my stepfather, who at first I had a somewhat rocky relationship with but I grew to appreciate him.

His daughter (F26) is an entire different story. We can’t get along. I’ve tried and I’m sure she also has, but it’s not about being different, it’s because she has always had very similar taste as me. We used to fight about our clothes, our toys and so on.

She has a relationship with a man whom I’ve got to know maybe 3 or 4 times. She announced her relationship with him during my wedding (which annoyed me at first, but I let it go since it was only a 20 second PSA), and became engaged just 4 months after that.

Now, she has been planning her wedding and I’ve tried to help as much as I can since I already had most contacts fresh. She plans to marry a day after Christmas, so I thought everything was set and ready to go.

On Saturday, she calls me crying, saying that her wedding dress wouldn’t arrive on time since she had some changes done. For some context, no one knows how this dress looks because she wanted to ‘keep it a surprise for everyone’, per her own words.

I tried to comfort her and I told her I knew some cute boutiques who had nice wedding dresses ready for her date. She cries harder, telling me she didn’t want any ‘cheap’ dress. I tried to calm her down once more before telling her I would call my stepdad to see what we could do. Before I could finish that sentence, she says out of the blue, ‘Can I wear your dress?’

I didn’t respond, because I didn’t know how to. She goes on, explaining that it would make things less troubling, how she’s the same size as me and how much she loved it the second she saw it on me. I don’t know what possessed me to simply say ‘No.’ and hang up the phone.

I’ve received multiple calls from her, her fiancee and my stepdad, who I did respond to. He pleaded to me to let her ‘borrow’ my wedding dress, ‘just like when we were kids’. I tried to explain to him that my wedding dress was very special to me, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable letting anyone else in it, unless it was my decision.

He got super angry with me and hung up. My messages have been exploding with my stepsister, her soon-to-be husband and my stepdad telling me how horrible I am for being so selfish. I know how my stepsister is. I know how dramatic and over the top she can be when she doesn’t get her way.

But there’s a part of me that feels awful for not letting her wear it since it’s just a dress and it would make her so happy. But there’s that other part of me that remembers how my husband, my mom and I struggled to save for it because it was my dream dress, and I don’t want to share something so personal with her. Should I just let her have it just so things don’t escalate?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

OtherRepresentative2 −  NTA, I’m calling shenanigans on your stepsister’s part. She probably had her eye on your dress since day one, probably commissioned a similar dress (if she even did) hence the surprise, and planned to use your dress as a backup if hers didn’t show up in time.

TheRealSugarbat −  NTA. Maybe if it were ten years after your wedding, you might not have such strong sentimental attachment to the dress. But it’s too soon. It’s totally fine to not want to see someone else in it, especially someone you’ve had a rocky relationship with. It just feels icky, like, I don’t know, lending her your bed for the wedding night.

Be as calm as possible, helpful if you feel inclined to be, but stick to your guns. “I’m sorry, but my wedding dress is too personal to share.” It’s not your fault your stepsister has mangled her planning, but it’s not the end of the world for her, either. Just ride this out as serenely as you can, and say “No.”

Clean_Factor9673 −  NTA. She didn’t order a dress; she planned to wear yours from the outset. She and your step-dad and anyone else hounding you can take a flying leap.. Make sure your dress is secured.

Dramatic_Attempt4318 −  NTA, OP. Point blank, you are not required to loan, donate, or permit any of your possessions to be used. Ever. Realistically, a decent probability exists that the dress would not be in the same condition it is now if you let her wear it: stains, tears, sweat, it is all a part of life.

But if you want to hold onto this dress as a keepsake or pass it down to future children, that is something to factor in. Your stepsister absolutely could find another alternative. She doesn’t want to. She wants what was *yours*. It sounds like this is a behavioural trend/pattern of hers. You are not wrong to draw and hold a line. Please don’t let anyone guilt you into giving it up.

Good_Ad6336 −  NTA. No is a complete sentence. She asked, was rejected, and now she needs to be a big girl and move on. Throwing tantrums at her age is just tacky. If I were you I were you I would lock down your dress. Wedding stress plus general craziness can drive people to do insane things like break in and steal a wedding dress.

Move the dress, hide it, lock it up, whatever you got to do. Then send her a text message reaffirming your stance. Why? Because you need a paper trail to prove you never gave her permission in case she tries to spin a different story. Then ignore everyone. Hopefully she’ll wake up and realize she is wasting time throwing a tantrum instead of looking for her own dress.

Ok-Run2877 −  NTA. The first red flag was announcing their relationship on YOUR wedding.

Appropriate-Bat2762 −  NTA. Do NOT lend the dress. You’ll never see it again if you do.

OhmsWay-71 −  NTA. There was never a dress. She planned to do this to you the whole time. Your step father can buy her a dress if he wants to save the day. YOU do not have to let her have your dress. It is an unreasonable ask and you of course are not the a**hole.

Wakemeup3000 −  NTA. If it does nothing but sit in you closet for the next 50 yrs its your dress. Step sister seems to be trying to get all the attention. Stick to your decision and don’t let her have your dress. If you do I’ll bet money that something will happen to it.

CurlyNaturally −  NTA. My first thought was this whole thing has been planned. She announced her relationship at your wedding reception, (attention seeking issues and why??!!) Your dress should be under lock and key (preferably at trusted friend’s place), because your step-sis sounds like the type to borrow it and then accidently damage your dream dress.

Your stepdad is so far out of line to demand his pretty, pretty princess be allowed to wear YOUR dream dress. Her terrible planning is not your emergency. Your mom should be addressing her husband’s atrocious behavior, and you aren’t obligated to receive calls/messages from unwanted numbers. Your spoiled step-sis can kick rocks to the nearest bridal boutique for an off-the-rack gown, but I wouldn’t expect your invite to still be open though.

Do you think the Redditor is justified in keeping her wedding dress for herself, or should she let her stepsister borrow it to keep the peace? How would you handle this delicate situation? Share your thoughts below!