WIBTA if I booked my wedding venue despite my brother claiming the same date?

A Redditor considering booking a dream wedding venue for October 2026 is conflicted because her brother, who isn’t even engaged, claims the same date for his wedding.

Given her brother’s history of instability and their strained relationship, she feels torn between moving forward with her plans and avoiding further family drama. Read the full story below to see the nuances of her dilemma.

‘ WIBTA if I booked my wedding venue despite my brother claiming the same date?’

I (25F) recently got engaged to my partner of six years, and we’re planning an autumn 2026 wedding. I’m a bit of a goth and have always wanted a celestial, spooky October vibe for my big day, and this felt perfect. However, my brother (26M) is making things difficult.

For background, my brother has a history of addiction, legal trouble, and financial instability. He’s also been the center of attention in my family for as long as I can remember, due to these issues, and often overshadows my milestones/problems.

A couple of examples include: he crashed his car when I graduated from my postgrad, revealed a debt of 10k at my master’s grad, and went missing for two weeks when I was hospitalised for my mental health (d**g bender). I love him, but his behavior has always been hard to deal with, and I’m tired of making excuses for him.

My brother is currently dating a significantly older woman (43F) with three kids (the oldest of whom is 21). They’ve been together five months, and while I’ve been supportive, the relationship is unstable, and his complaints about her and her kids are constant.

About a month ago, my brother asked when my wedding would be. When I mentioned autumn 2026, he claimed that he and his girlfriend were planning to get married then too and even gave me a specific date. I was shocked since they aren’t even engaged.

When I asked if they could hold off a bit, he insulted my relationship (saying it doesn’t take him six years to know he wants to marry someone), called me insecure, and told me to “get over myself.” I’ve not spoken to him since.

My dad tried to mediate and told him to apologize and sort things out with me, but it’s been almost a month, and I’ve heard nothing. I’ve since found the perfect venue that fits my wedding vision, but I’m hesitant to book it. My brother’s relationship is unstable, and it’s unlikely they’ll even make it to 2026, let alone actually get married.

She’s also still married and needs a divorce before they could wed. I’m sick of having to live my life by his rules. Still, I don’t want to cause more drama. Would I be the a**hole if I booked the venue for October 2026 without consulting him first?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

pottersquash −  NTA. Its Dec 2024, first one to actually book something, actually put a deposit down, actually send out a save the date owns the date. Not the month, not the season, the year, just that date.

One of you would be AH to book same date after recieving confirmation of something more than an idea y’all just going back and forth for. Y’all should be able to have a convo about possible events years in future without having it go to insults and needing a mediator,

but clearly y’all can not so its a lost to me why y’all are even having these convos with each other. Its like your giving him pre-notice on when to ruin things. First one to do a save the date which shouldn’t happen till someone puts deposit down on a venue.

MurnSwag2 −  NTA – Nobody gets to claim a date almost 2 years out when they’re not even engaged. Book the venue, don’t invite brother to the wedding. Solved.

MeInSC40 −  You said he gave you a specific date. Was it YOUR date?

Pair_of_Pearls −  NTA. Lock it down!! Don’t tell him until he gets a save the date like every one else. That is IF you invite him at all.

PdxPhoenixActual −  Why would you *need* to consult **him**? You aren’t marrying *him*… I wouldn’t think of him again. Live your life as you want, do the things you want when you want.

Let whatever drama he chooses to live with him … & those who chose to involve themselves with it… just make it known “MY wedding *or* HIS drama” people cannot do both.

Kris82868 −  NTA. He can’t claim a date, season or even a year to marry a woman not eligible to marry him. You have first dibs.

imamage_fightme −  NTA. He isn’t even engaged, his girlfriend is still legally married and he is seemingly not even that happy in this relationship. He can’t just claim he is going to get married on this date and expect you to take it seriously.

Quite frankly, it sounds like he is jealous of the fact that you are in a better place than him in every aspect, and he wants to bring you down a peg to make himself feel better. Don’t give in to his drama. Book your venue and focus on your wedding.

It is time to think about yourself and the life you are building with your partner. If you keep putting your brother first in matters like these, you will only be hurting yourself in the long run.

DanaMarie75038 −  NTA. Why does your brother have so much hold on you? Live your life and make decisions based on your needs and wants. If there’s anyone who has a say on wedding or your life, that would be your fiancé not your brother.

goldenfingernails −  Book it and plan it. At this point, his drama should not concern you anymore. The fact you let it run you life means he’s winning. Let him say and do what he will and don’t plan your life around HIM. Plan your life around what you want.. If he complains, tough.. NTA

relatxtbn −  NTA. I don’t know how long divorces take, but who’s to say it’ll even happen? Send those save the dates!!