AITA for refusing to let my roommate’s boyfriend live with us after he “tested” me?

A Reddit user shared their frustration after refusing to let their roommate’s boyfriend move into their shared apartment. The situation escalated when the boyfriend, who had been freeloading for months, decided to “test” the user by imposing absurd rules for living together. Despite the user’s refusal, their roommate and her friends accused them of being selfish and unsupportive. Read the full story below to decide who’s in the wrong.

‘ AITA for refusing to let my roommate’s boyfriend live with us after he “tested” me?’

I (19F) live with my roommate, let’s call her “Ashley” (20F), in a small two-bedroom apartment. We’ve been friends since high school and decided to split rent when we both started college. Things were fine at first, but then she started dating “Jake” (22M). At first, he was over just a couple of nights a week, which I didn’t mind.

But over the past few months, he’s basically moved in—eating our food, using our stuff, and not contributing a single dime to rent or bills. I finally had enough and told Ashley that Jake either needed to start paying his share or stop practically living here. She apologized and said she’d talk to him. I thought that was the end of it.

Fast forward to last week. I was getting ready to head out to a late-night study group when Jake cornered me in the kitchen. He told me he wanted to “test” me to see if I’d be a good person to live with full-time. I was confused and asked what he meant. He said that if I wanted him to pay rent, I had to prove I was “roommate material” by showing I could handle sharing the space with someone like him.

He then gave me a list of rules he’d want me to follow if he officially moved in—things like doing “my share” of the cooking (even though I already make my own meals), not bringing any guys over (I’m single, but why is that even relevant?), and being “respectful of his gaming time” by keeping the Wi-Fi free during his streams.

I laughed in his face and told him there was no way he was moving in. He got pissed and told Ashley I was being unreasonable. She confronted me and said Jake was just “testing the waters” and that I should’ve been more open to the idea.

She accused me of being jealous because I’m single and suggested I was trying to sabotage their relationship. Now she’s saying if I can’t “be supportive,” then maybe she should get a new roommate—one who “respects her relationship.”

I think this is completely insane, but Ashley and a couple of her friends are siding with Jake. They’re calling me selfish and controlling. AITA for refusing to let him move in after his ridiculous “test”?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

No_Cod3515 −  NTA. Jake’s behavior is a major red flag. His “test” shows controlling tendencies and lack of respect for boundaries. The apartment is yours and Ashley’s – he has no right to set rules or “test” you. His demands about cooking, visitors, and Wi-Fi usage are completely inappropriate.

Your original request was reasonable – either he pays rent or stops living there rent-free. Most leases have guest policies limiting overnight stays. Ashley is being manipulated here. Jake moved in without permission, uses resources without contributing, and now tries to establish dominance by setting rules in an apartment where he doesn’t even pay rent.

Stand firm on your boundaries. Document everything. Check your lease about guest policies. Consider talking to your landlord if this continues. Remember – you signed a lease with Ashley, not Jake. His attempt to “test” you is just a power play to establish control over your shared living space.

gorillaboy75 −  So, he thinks he can come in as third wheel and start making demands and stupid rules? Sounds like he’s not the “roommate material.” Tell ashley that if he’s paying one third, that doesn’t mean he gets priority. How dare he make demands when he’s an equal partner in expenses! Especially for gaming for crying out loud.

Past-Minimum-7632 −  NTA. Go to your landlord and explain the situation if Jake continues to live there. He will be forced to pay rent or leave. Also, remove your name from any utilities. If you pay for the wifi, change the password and they can buy their own wifi

ApricotBig6402 −  NTA ask Ashley why her BF’s boundaries include controlling the men YOU see. Watch her squirm to answer that.

Pelagic_One −  NTA. What a prat. Why does she like a prat so much? BTW, do you have any male friends you trust enough to invite over and sleep in your room? I would be doing this A LOT.

unusuallysunny76 −  If you have the ability, try to find someone else to live with – NOT A FRIEND. He’s controlling and not okay and unfortunately Ashley is no longer a safe person to talk to. NTA.

SomeGuyInTheUK −  NTA but the core issue is not Jake, its Ashley. One of you needs to move out. She is not a good roommate (or indeed, a good person). As for the friends, either they’ve been fed BS by Jake/Ashly or they are not good friends.

WinnieTheShark −  But you should at least tell her you liked one of his rules…. “No guys over” he’s no longer welcome, lol sorryyyyyy

cathline −  Excuse me???? Report him and Ashley to your landlord. I’m a landlady. My leases stipulate that anyone who overnights more than 8 nights in 1 month needs to put in an application, be approved and be added to the lease and the rent increased because of the wear and tear on the place. YOU need to get a new roommate. Not Ashley. Or any of her friends who think that having a j**k who doesn’t want you to date when he is under YOUR ROOF is okay.

MacChicken25 −  No guys over? Is that because you know what kind of leeches they become, Jake?

Do you think the user was right to stand their ground, or should they have considered the roommate’s relationship more? How would you handle a freeloading guest crossing the line? Share your thoughts below!