My intellectually disabled brother has been sending thousands of dollars to women on the internet. AITAH for not caring and for not stepping in?

A Redditor shares a dilemma involving their intellectually disabled brother, who has been sending large sums of money to women he meets online. The Redditor explains that although their brother, Ben, has cognitive limitations, he’s still an adult and capable of making his own decisions.

Despite their father’s request for intervention, the Redditor feels it’s not their responsibility to step in, as Ben is an adult and they’ve already supported him in various ways throughout their lives. The Redditor questions whether they are wrong for refusing to intervene in this situation. Read the original story below to see the full details and reactions.

‘ My intellectually disabled brother has been sending thousands of dollars to women on the internet. AITAH for not caring and for not stepping in?’

I’m 29F and have an older brother, Ben (32M), who has a mild cognitive delay. On the surface, he functions like any adult—he drives, works, has friends, and can manage basic day-to-day tasks. However, when it comes to critical thinking or complex tasks, he struggles. He reads at about a 5th-grade level, has limited math skills, poor memory, and often acts recklessly, unable to consider long-term consequences.

While he was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid, our parents didn’t pursue further testing. He attended special education classes, but his challenges were largely overlooked.

Recently, Ben told our younger brother, Max, about two women he’s been talking to online. Max discovered these women were using stolen pictures from social media, and Ben has been sending them money—thousands of dollars. I think, deep down, Ben knows they’re not real, but he’s lonely and enjoys the attention.

Now my dad, who is aware of the situation, wants me to intervene, but I’m refusing. Ben’s an adult, and it’s his money and choice, even if it’s stupid. Max already tried reasoning with him, and it didn’t work. I don’t feel comfortable taking his phone or blocking people because it wouldn’t stop him from finding others.

I’ve been looking out for him for as long as I can remember, and at this point, I have my own s**t going on and am unwilling to put my energy into trying to keep him from making stupid choices. So, AITAH for refusing to do something or talk to him about this?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

NUredditNU −  Why can’t your dad intervene? NTA.

maroongrad −  NTA. This is 100% on your parents. Not you. If they’re so concerned they can contact adult protective services or report these as scams to the police.

thedeanonymizer −  NTA, and your dad shouldn’t be putting that responsibility on you.

x_hyperballad_x −  My ex’s half brother has similar cognitive issues as your brother, who instead of sending thousands to women online, he would arrange to meet women (and possibly underage girls) online and would travel by bus to meet them all over the country. The family’s biggest concern was that he would get arrested or physically harmed from these pursuits, but nothing would stop him from making these trips.

I’d be concerned your brother is sharing a lot more than money, and could unwittingly be committing crimes or making himself subject to trouble if he is found engaging in any s**ual manner with a minor.

pastelrosekiss −  You’re not the a**hole for not wanting to intervene, but given your brother’s intellectual limitations and vulnerability, it might be worth finding a way to support him in setting better boundaries, even if it’s not your sole responsibility.

Hot-Cycle-5153 −  Why isn’t your dad saying anything? Why does it have to be you?

Angelbearsmom −  NTA. Your parents failed him by not pursuing more testing and getting him the help he needs. He is not your responsibility, he is your parents responsibility and they need to step in and get him the help he needs. These women probably are aware he is cognitively delayed and are taking advantage of him. That’s really sad but not your responsibility. I hope he gets the help he needs.

Fickle-Vegetable961 −  Off topic a bit but do your parents have more than say $100K? If so they should do some estate planning and have a trust set up that doles out an allowance to your brother rather than a lump sum since it would vanish instantly. Do not agree to be the executor as he’d just hassle you endlessly. A bank would do it. Read “beyond the grave” by Jeffrey Condon.

GrumpyOldHistoricist −  OP I’ll pretend to be a woman for half the price of these hoes. Your brother gets what he needs, he gets bilked for less money, and my cats get more fancy new toys. Everyone wins.

dhfutrell −  Unless someone has a power of attorney because your brother has been deemed incompetent. Your dad can’t do anything either. It’s like you said. It’s his money to spend as stupidly as he wishes to.