AITAH for uninviting my parents to my wedding after my mom said my fiancé wasn’t eager to marry me and told me I can’t wear white?

A Redditor shared their emotional dilemma about uninviting their parents to their wedding after their mother made hurtful comments about their fiancé and insisted they couldn’t wear white due to not being “pure.” Despite having a loving family of their own and a supportive partner, their parents have remained critical of their life choices since the unexpected pregnancy years ago. The situation escalated when the user stood their ground, leading to further family backlash. Read the full story below to understand the complexities of this heartfelt family conflict.

‘ AITAH for uninviting my parents to my wedding after my mom said my fiancé wasn’t eager to marry me and told me I can’t wear white?’

30F. I got engaged a few weeks ago and am incredibly excited. We actually already have a beautiful, happy, and inquisitor four year old daughter together. We’ve been living together since my daughter was born and have been together for seven years now, so it already feels like we’re married, but we want to make it official before we start trying for our second.

I met my fiancé Joey (33M) my first year of law school. We started dating, and in the fall of my last year of law school, I found out I was pregnant. I was only twenty-five at the time, was getting ready to start my career, and wasn’t married or engaged, so it was a terrifying experience.

Luckily, Joey was supportive of me. He said he’d respect whatever decision I made and that he’d support me no matter what. His parents were terrified and definitely thought I should get an a**rtion when we first told them, but they were also kind and understanding. Initially I was going to terminate the pregnancy and went to the clinic twice, but I couldn’t go through with it.

I come from an ultra conservative Christian family and my mom especially doesn’t think people should have s** before marriage. My two older sisters got married in their early twenties and are now stay at home moms. I’m the only sister who graduated from college, is no longer religious, and has career goals. When I told them I was pregnant, my parents were devastated.

My mom cried, called me “used goods”, and asked how I could allow this to happen. They said Joey and I needed to get married since we were having a child together, and I explained that we didn’t want to rush into that. My mom called me selfish and said neither of us were putting our baby first.

They didn’t speak to me until my baby girl was born because they were so upset that I got pregnant outside of wedlock and then didn’t marry Joey before the baby arrived. I see them a few times a year and they certainly love my daughter, but I’m definitely a huge disappointment to them.

My future in-laws, on the other hand, were extremely kind and helpful during the pregnancy. They helped cover my medical care and even rented an apartment for me and Joey to live in after the baby was born since we didn’t starting work for a few months after we graduated.

While I was studying for the Bar Exam, Joey’s mom did a ton of babysitting and was always there to help if I needed a few hours to myself. I’m so grateful to them and feel even closer to Joey’s mom than to my own at this point.

When we told Joey’s parents about the engagement, his mom cried and said how happy she was for us and our daughter. She also said she was so proud of us because we stuck together and made the most of things when life didn’t go as we planned. She offered to help with the wedding, but we said we want to pay for it ourselves.

We want a very small ceremony with our immediate families, a few close friends, and our daughter. We really want it to be about celebrating our family and our little girl and don’t need a huge ceremony.

I told my parents the news last night since we got into town for Thanksgiving , and they didn’t seem excited. My mom asked if we were having a religious ceremony, and I said no. I explained that we want a small, low-key wedding and that we’re just eager to get married and make it official. My mom then turned to my fiancé and said he clearly wasn’t too eager, since he got me pregnant and lived with me for four years before asking me to marry him.

Joey explained that he’s known he wanted to marry me for years, but we were focused on our daughter, our careers, and getting out loans paid off and have been treading water since we graduated from school. My mom then told him that she’s ruined her dreams of her daughter getting married since the event has been spoiled now that we’ve been living together and already have a child. She told me I can’t, in conscious, wear white to my wedding since I’m not a virgin and have continued to “sacrifice my purity.”

Typically I laugh off my mom’s comments, but I started crying. I told my mom that I’ve tried my best in life and don’t need her constant judgements. My mom said I’m clearly ashamed of my life choices and that’s why I’m crying. I asked how anyone could be ashamed of my life choices when I have such a beautiful little girl. My mom said that we should have gotten married years ago for our child and that we’re clearly not committed to her or each other.

I told my mom that I no longer want her at my wedding because she’s been nothing but cruel since I got pregnant, and I only want people who love and support us at the celebration. My dad said he wasn’t going if my mom wasn’t included, and I said that’s fine with me.

I cried myself to sleep and Joey was furious that my mother was treating me so terribly. He also told me that he called and asked my dad’s permission before he proposed, and my dad was rude. He said that he’d say no if it weren’t for the fact that we have a child together. He also accused Joey of using me for s** and not stepping up for our daughter and marrying me sooner.

Joey didn’t want to upset me, but he thought it was relevant in light of the fact that my parents clearly aren’t warming up to the situation. Needless to say, he doesn’t blame me for not wanting them at the wedding, and he feels uncomfortable having them there too after all the comments they’ve made.

This morning, I got a call from one of my older sisters. She told me I broke our mother’s heart again and I’d be cruel not to include her in the wedding. She also said mom has loved and supported me and my daughter even though she strongly disagrees with my life choices. My sister says I’ve made my own choices, and I can’t expect everyone to like and agree with them, but family is family and I should include my mother. She also said that if my parents aren’t included, she won’t be there either.. AITAH?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Far_Information_9613 −  NTA. You can tolerate whatever you like but I hope you aren’t going to expose your little burden of sin to these judgmental AHs.

74Magick −  Honey, tell your entire family to f**k right off. It’s 2024, not 1824, and all that purity talk is nonsense. Tell them to go peddle that Cultianity b**lshit on the street corner with all the other wackadoos.. NTA.

rainydazeandmundanes −  Respect cannot be one sided, family or not. You’re not the AH. Mom’s about to learn a hard lesson, judgemental people get judgement in return. Good luck. ❤

Ok-Map-6599 −  NTA. I’m sorry this is so painful for you now – but the trash is clearly taking itself out. Just imagine what these people might say to your daughter when you’re not around, or when she’s older. Nobody needs that. I hope you have a beautiful, happy wedding day with your true family, and continue to live a joyful and fulfilling life with Joey and your daughter (and possible future kids).

Awkward-Tourist979 −  At what point did your mom love and support you?? She wouldn’t even speak to you during your pregnancy.  She has been nothing but vile.  I don’t see why you would even continue this relationship.  Your mother is awful.

Turmeric_Ping −  NTA. Your sister is flat out wrong. We can disagree with the choices of someone we love without behaving like your mother. Her behaviour was, quite simply, hateful and unchristian. Judge not…

imbatzRN −  Brides wear white because Queen Victoria wore white. Vicky wore white because it was color that the very rich wore and she liked lace. White has nothing to do with purity. That is a line of BS that was sold to women. If you want to wear white, wear white, and it is sad that your parents and sister are AHs but it looks like you have a supportive family in your future in laws. People who challenge the status quo as you did in your family will always be subject to the tear down by those who did not. That hate comes from their fear and their self loathing.

Zscalerrguy −  Nope, nope, nope. You are not the AH. One basic tenant of Christianity is forgives (not that you need it), but your family ISS holding your feet to the fire (of hell). Go low contact with the all. Celebrate your Fiancé’s family and have a wonderful life.

ImpossibleHeadstrong −  NTA!!! I would go no contact immediately, for the sake of your sanity and your child’s. Sounds like your fiance and future in-laws are a great support system and all the family you need right now!

LetsGetsThisPartyOn −  Your mother will drop red wine on your white dress. She will need everyone to know you are not a virgin and shouldn’t be wearing white. Even though everyone obviously knows this as you have a kid but most normal humans don’t actually care. They just care that everyone is happy and thriving.. Don’t invite her.