AITA for not lending my brother money when he could lose his condo?

A Reddit user (35F) shares her dilemma about not lending her brother (37M) money to help cover a $4500 HOA fee that he and his wife are struggling to pay. After inheriting money from their father’s passing, the user’s siblings have been financially irresponsible, with her brother regularly reaching out for help.

Now that the user is pregnant and trying to safeguard her savings for emergencies, she feels uncomfortable lending money to her brother. He is upset, claiming they could lose their condo, and now thinks she’s being unreasonable for not helping. Read the full story below to see if the user’s decision was justified.

‘ AITA for not lending my brother money when he could lose his condo?’

I (35f), my brother (37m) and sister (39f) all inherited money when our father passed away in 2022. Since then, my sister has spent all her money, my brother and his wife bought a condo in Florida (which used all their savings) and I have about $40k in my savings.

Recently, my brothers building has had unexpected HOA fees pop up that are out of their budget, a roof which cost them $6k a few months ago and now it’s a $4500 fee regarding upkeep of the shared parking lot.

Typically I would never disclose my finances even with family, but since he is aware of what we all inherited he’s always been a bit obsessed about asking how much I have left, what my plans are etc, essentially keeping tabs with it. My partner and I are currently 6mo pregnant and we’re doing pretty well for ourselves.

But we live in Manhattan and it’s insanely expensive to the point where I am kinda needing to pull from my savings more often than i’d ever like to and now that we are expecting a child I feel hyper protective of what nest egg we do have in case of emergencies, medical costs etc.

So last week he called me a bit i**oxicated and said he really needs help with the $4500 that is now due at the end of the month. He said his wife has some checks coming in and he will pay me back as soon as they get the money.

I wasn’t super comfortable with the conversation and did my best to avoid it, basically saying something along the lines of ‘why don’t we wait and see if the money comes thru and if not we can talk.’

Yesterday he texted me and said “Doesn’t look like we are going to get the checks in by the end of the month and it would be incredible if we could borrow the money from you! Super annoying i know, we are sorry.” I responded with, “I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this fee, but I just don’t have that kind of money right now.

With the holidays coming up and medical bills for the baby i’m tapped financially. I budgeted out the month and I can send you $150 if you need money for groceries, but that’s all i can spare rn.” Now for even more context, my brother and sister are both unreliable people.

My sister who i realize is not super relevant to this story, handles her finances very poorly and will ask to borrow money from me every 6 months or so, my brother has asked before but not as often.

My sister has never paid me back and my brother has managed to get things together in the past to where I don’t recall ever lending him much, maybe a couple hundred here and there but never got anything back. But I say this because he knows he can’t ask my sister for help and our parents have both passed, which basically leaves me, his little sister.

He is now saying the they could lose their condo and I am being an AH for not lending him the money when they’re clearly struggling. I am doing my best to keep things afloat for my partner and I and really don’t want to pull from my savings, not knowing I will 100% get it back. So AITAH for not lending them money?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Public_Ad_9169 −  Your brother is going to lose the condo anyway. The question is whether he is going to lose it before or after draining your savings account.

East_Parking8340 −  He (and his wife) reviewed their finances and chose to buy it. He (and his wife) must have got a professional to asses it’s condition before they bought. He patently lied to you about checks coming on at the end of the month.

He’s had time to get the money together but hasn‘t and now expects you to bridge his financial gap. 4.5K is not an insignificant amount and is likely your co-pay for the birth of your child. If he can’t afford to pay the bill now he can’t afford to pay back any money you lend.

The funny thing with inheritances is that, even when the monies are split evenly, some are quick to spend theirs and then get themselves into the mindset that it’s unfair that someone has some left. They apply this weird logic that the one with the money has somehow taken advantage of them and they are owed some of that money.

I would question the existence of the bill (considering he has already lied to you). Should you fall prey to his pleading make sure that he signs a loan agreement with you (notarised if possible) with specific dates for repayment so that he can be held accountable (in court).. NTA if you don’t lend it.

WhereWeretheAdults −  NTA. The popular saying is “Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm.” Your family, partner and upcoming child, are your priority now. Not brother and his family.

Notice how he moved the goal posts. First it was he’ll pay you back when wife gets checks, now it’s when we can. That money is gone the second you give it to him.. Edit to clarify.

Kukka63 −  NTA, your brother should have planned better, it’s absolutely not your responsibility to help him out and just stop talking to him about finances.. Good luck with the baby 😊

poncanach −  NTA Never lead money to anyone that you can’t live without. Never tell anyone about your money, they will ask for it. Your money isn’t available because you invested it.

magiemaddi −  Great that they have a condo to sell!! They can lose their asset since they can’t afford it. No big deal, they’re not destitute, just dumb. NTA but it’s time to say that money is no longer liquid.

It’s tied up in a trust for your baby – that’s what you say when he harasses you. He needs to sell the condo that he can’t afford. Then he’ll have money to rent a place he can afford

YoshKrawdot −  NTA. You are expecting in manhattan, it’s not worth risking your security and situation. That money can go real quick if you have a few extra medical bills you weren’t expecting.

If he’s that bad off he can refinance his condo. If they lose it that’s on them and your sister and him can get a place together to save up for new places for the both of them.

Bunny_Bixler99 −  NTA. Also, stop using the word “lend” when everyone knows he means “give”.

MisaOEB −  Nta. Unfortunately, he will lose the condo anyway. Because the next unexpected bill will kill it even if this one doesn’t. It’s not on you, he and his wife have to manage their own finances. This is why it’s really important to not tell people your financial situation.

In fact, I even know somebody who every now and then ask his family for a loan. They can’t afford to give it to him and they’re apologetic and he says no problem but actually what he is really doing is making sure they don’t ask him. Be that guy.

chrestomancy −  You know what, I recently borrowed 13k on two credit cards at zero interest. I’ll have to service the debt at a few hundred a month, and in two years I’ll need new credit cards to transfer the debt onto.

Now, your brother only needs 4.5k, and only for a few weeks. So easy peasy! – unless he’s already maxed beyond his credit limit, can’t get more credit, in which case his “I’ll pay you back” is total BS in the first place. Best he defaults, sells the condo and learns to live within his means.

Do you think the Redditor was right to protect her savings and not lend the money, or should she have helped her brother in his time of need? How would you navigate family financial requests, especially when there’s uncertainty about repayment? Share your thoughts and experiences below!