WIBTA to ask my (separated) husband for the key back to my house?

A separated mom (45F) shares frustrations about her husband (41M) deducting $20 from his financial contribution for their kids to cover the cost of a drain stopper he purchased and installed at her house.

Though she gave him a key to her home for co-parenting purposes, this incident has left her questioning whether he should still have access, as it feels unfair given the circumstances. She wonders if asking for the key back would be reasonable or come across as petty. Read her full story below.

‘ WIBTA to ask my (separated) husband for the key back to my house?’

I (45F) am separated from my husband (41M). We have two kids in primary school. The kids and I moved into a house in March while my husband stayed in our old apartment. We made a commitment to co-parent as collaboratively as possible. I gave him a key to my new home to make co-parenting more comfortable for him when I am out of town for work.

Since I moved out, I have been covering all expenses for the kids (clothes, food, school costs, etc.). I asked if he could start contributing financially because it was getting tough to do it all on my own. In August, he started giving me $200 every two weeks for the kids.

A few months ago, the shower caddy in my bathroom fell and it broke the drain stopper in the tub. I bought a new one, but had trouble with it. My husband came over to look at it and said I bought the wrong one. He said, “Don’t worry – I’ll take care of it for you and the kids.” He purchased a new drain stopper and came over to install it.

One week later, he sent me $180 on Venmo with an emoji of two kids (suggesting that this was the money to help with the kids’ expenses). He then sent me a text that said, “I sent you $180. I deducted $20 from the $200 to cover the drain stopper I bought and installed.”

I told him this was a miserable move on his part, but he insisted that he shouldn’t have to pay for the drain stopper for my house. He deducted $20 from his kids’ financial support to pay for something that his kids benefit from. So, now I want to ask him to give me the key to my house back. If he is going to nickel and dime, he should not have access to my home.

The kids have everything they need at his apartment, so they actually do not need access to my house while I am out of town. So, WIBTA if I ask for my key back? I am afraid it might come across as petty. Do his actions warrant me taking my key back and not giving him access to my house?

See what others had to share with OP:

KatFrog −  In general, I would not recommend co-parents having keys to each other’s homes. Why? Because it leads to misunderstands (like yours) or worse (like someone coming in to ‘spy’ on the ex). NTA – but you both need to do a better job at communication.

Your husband is an AH because he took the money for the drain out of the $200 without discussing it with you first. You’re not an AH for being surprised by the change – I would have been surprised as well. But I think you need to take back your key to avoid future misunderstandings.

hanneybananey92 −  No, ywnbtah. You are carrying way too much of the financial load as it stands. He proved he has no idea how much it costs to raise kids, and has no appreciation that you have been covering his end of things.

It sounds like it’s time for a divorce, court mandated child support, and court mandated parenting agreements that include clear boundaries. There is no reason why you should not be able to have legally enforced healthy boundaries, and a continued respectful co-parenting relationship.

ProfessionalEven296 −  Time to admit that it’s over. Go to court, get the divorce and child support calculated by the court. Do it all legally. Also get the key back, or – better still – change the locks. You don’t know if he would run out and make a copy before giving you the original back.

Appropriate-Cook-852 −  $400 a month for two kids is nowhere near a fair amount of child support in most areas. If he’s going to nickle and dime you I would file for court orders support. NTA

fanofthethings −  WHAT?! Don’t ask for the key back. Change your locks. He could copy it before giving it back. You should be getting child support. Asking for what’s rightfully his obligation to pay is not bad co-parenting. It’s parenting. Give yourself a break and make him pull his weight. NTA at all.

chtmarc −  You would not be the a**hole, but I wouldn’t ask for it back anyway I would just change the locks. And then just not say anything.

EJ_1004 −  YWNBTA IF you’re ready to end separation and go to divorce. OP the hard fact of the matter is that once he’s not ‘your man’ he does not have to provide for you or fix your problems. He may move on one day, as will you, and I’m certain neither of your future partners will appreciate you continuing to act like you’re together.

Yall can handle matters with the kids together but home repairs…look for a handyman. If you reverse your positions and he asked you to fix and pay for something at his home wouldn’t you want reimbursement as well? He’s not being petty, this is just a welcome to the new reality. He doesn’t have to handle tasks for you in a home he isn’t living in, and never may again. His obligation is to his kids. End of.

Upbeat_Vanilla_7285 −  Just call a company and have them rekey the lock.

RandomDerpBot −  Info:

– what is the current custody arrangement?

– how does your income compare to his?

Also, are appreciative of the fact that he fixed the drain, even if he deducted the expense? Because he didn’t just spend money, but also invested time and energy to fix it. You lose your on call handyman if you recall the key out of spite.

RandomReddit9791 −  He doesn’t need the key to your home to coparent. It’s best you change your locks instead of asking for the key. He can easily make a copy to retain access to your home. 

Would it be fair for the user to ask for her house key back after this situation, or would it seem petty? How would you handle co-parenting boundaries in a similar setup? Share your thoughts below!