AITAH For Repeating What My BIL Said About My Sons And Getting Him Uninvited From Thanksgiving?

A Redditor (35M) shared a distressing incident involving his brother-in-law (BIL), Shawn, who made deeply offensive comments during a family dinner. Shawn implied that because the user’s wife had suffered abuse from her father, their twin boys might genetically inherit predatory tendencies.

His wife was understandably devastated, and the user called his mother, explaining the situation. His mother agreed Shawn’s comments were unacceptable and uninvited him from Thanksgiving.

Now, the user’s sister is furious, arguing her husband’s comments were merely concerns and that her daughters shouldn’t be punished for his words. The user refused to budge, prioritizing his wife’s and sons’ well-being. Read the full story below to decide if he was justified in his decision.

‘ AITAH For Repeating What My BIL Said About My Sons And Getting Him Uninvited From Thanksgiving?’

35M here. I’m a husband and father of five- year-old identical twin boys. Our boys are adorable and sweet, but are definitely high energy, and keep us on our toes. My wife is pregnant with our third (and last) child, and we recently found out we’re having a girl.

My wife is an incredible mom, but she had a hard childhood. Her father s**ually abused her and eventually went to prison for it. My wife isn’t estranged from her mom, but she’s not particularly close with her either. My wife cares a lot that our children are safe and happy after the childhood she endured.

She absolutely adores our sons, and has never once seen than as anything other than her sweet babies. My older sister (38F) has two daughters and is married to a dude named Shawn. I love my sister, but her husband can be a j**k, and often makes rude comments without thinking about their impact.

My wife doesn’t like to talk about her abuse, but my family knows what happened, since it’s a huge part of her family’s history and her mom is pretty vocal about her ex-husband.

My parents, sister, and brother have never expressed anything other than support for my wife and sadness that she had that experience, but Shawn has made some odd comments. I never told my wife this, but before we got married, he said I was a good man for sticking with a girl with that much baggage.

Anyways, last night, we went to my sister and Shawn’s house for dinner. My wife was in a great mood and was excited to share that we’re having a little girl. My sister was thrilled and congratulated us. Shawn said congratulations, but then mentioned he’s relieved we’re not having another boy.

I asked what he meant, and Shawn said the risk of a girl turning out the wrong way is much lower. Again, I asked him to clarify. He proceeded to ask my wife if she ever worried she would pass her family’s “s**ual problems” down to our kids.

My wife was shocked and horrified, and said what her father did has nothing to do with our children. Shawn said that the issues her father had are genetic, and so statistically, we’re more likely to have boys with the same problem.

My wife asked how he could possibly look at our sweet, innocent boys and worry that they’ll grow into monsters? Shawn said that her father was a sweet, innocent boy once too, and he still molested her. My wife stated sobbing and I was in complete shock.

My sister said that Shawn was being insensitive, but maintained that he was technically right. She said they didn’t think our kids would turn out like their grandfather, but it’s something to watch for, just in case. I wanted to punch Shawn in that moment, but my wife begged me to just get the boys and go.

My wife cried the whole drive home. I told my wife that our kids are not going to be like her father, and she said she knows, but it’s hard to know family members would judge innocent children because of something their grandfather did.

My wife and I were talking about it more, and we realized that Shawn has always been a bit weird towards our kids. He gets agitated when they’re energetic and seems over protective of his girls around them.

For example, once, the kids were all having a pillow fight and one of my sons accidentally hit one of his female cousins in the eye. He apologized, cried because he hurt her, and gave her a big hug. My BIL yelled at my son and said he was being aggressive towards his daughter.

Everyone thought the reaction was overblown at the time since it was clearly an accident, but now, I wonder if he reacted that way because he’s expecting my sons to turn out the wrong way. I called my mother this morning and explained the entire conversation.

My mom was horrified, and agreed that what my BIL said was insane and unacceptable. I told my mom that my wife is pregnant and doesn’t need any additional stress, so if my SIL and BIL are going to be at Thanksgiving, we’ll be celebrating on our own.

My mom is very upset about what Shawn said about her grandkids, and she agrees that he shouldn’t be at Thanksgiving this year.
I got a call from my sister an hour ago, and she’s furious.

She says her husband was just voicing a concern, especially since they have daughters, and we took it the wrong way. She also said that her daughters want to see their grandparents on Thanksgiving, and they’re being punished for what their dad said.

I said that my boys were being judged based on their genetic relationship to a man they’ve never even met. My sister asked if I’d call our mom and ask her to reconsider, and I said absolutely not. AITAH?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Janisseho −  Of course NTA. You have to protect your wife. And to be an SA is not something genetic. The BIL is being totally ignorant

RaymondBeaumont −  Tell your sister that you just voiced your concerns to your mother and you shouldn’t be punished for it.
But if you allow your sister and BIL near your children again, you are an a**hole.

Unfair-Board-7728 −  NTA – Protect your sons from that POS. He deserved to be punched. I would be going NC with BIL and especially the sister after she had the gross audacity to agree with him. 

Imaginary-Yak-6487 −  Shawn is a d**k. NTA

Mother_Search3350 −  Shawn is a l**atic.. His daughters are more at risk with a father like that, if I were your sister I would be more worried about the monster she is married to. . NTAH 

LoomingDisaster −  NTA. Your sister is mad because you told your mom exactly what Shawn said, which was cruel, untrue, and out of line, because she knows it was all of those things. You didn’t take it the wrong way, because there’s no way it could be taken any other way.

He’s using your wife’s traumatic history as a weapon against her and your sons, and that’s not something he’s just going to magically stop doing or thinking. I wouldn’t just not see them at Thanksgiving, I’d cut all contact with them.

They don’t deserve to see your family, and if that’s how he thinks about your kids, he shouldn’t be around them. If he’s that awful to your wife, who was the victim of her father’s crime, imagine what he’s going to say to your kids.

shammy_dammy −  Never see or interact with Shawn OR your sister again.

copper-feather −  What did your sister and Shawn expect? For you and your wife to agree and spend the next 13 years treating your sons like vipers ready to strike any second? . NTA. 

RevolutionaryDiet686 −  NTA Shawn and your sister though are ass holes.

Here4theRightReasonz −  The daughters (your nieces) can come to Thanksgiving, but their a**hole father shouldn’t (and your sister is an i**ot too). Where did he even come up with that genetic BS??? Your sons don’t even know their “grandfather.” What a load of s**t. NTA a million times over

Was the user justified in prioritizing his wife and children by excluding Shawn from Thanksgiving, or should he have tried to mediate for the sake of family unity? How would you handle a relative who made such accusations about your children? Share your thoughts below!