AITA for telling MIL she was dead to me after she showed up in labor and delivery without my mother?

A Reddit user shared a heated story about labor and delivery plans gone wrong when their mother-in-law failed to bring their mother, children, and grandmother to the hospital as agreed. Instead, the MIL arrived alone, citing “respect for people’s sleep,” leaving the user feeling betrayed during an already vulnerable moment. After confronting the MIL and asking her to leave, tensions have escalated within the family. Read the full story below to understand the emotional stakes and the fallout from this situation.

‘ AITA for telling MIL she was dead to me after she showed up in labor and delivery without my mother?’

For the past 3 months it’s been a very well known plan that when I (30f) went in to labor, my husband was going to drive me to the hospital and my MIL was going to pick up my mother, my kids and my grandmother (all from one house). BOTH my MIL and my mom were supposed to be in the delivery room. My gram was to watch my two kids in the waiting room. Everyone was in agreement with the plan.

Now, my husband and I have 2 sons already and for both births, my mother was present. She helped me through so much of the mental anguish and panic, especially after my last- whom literally almost killed me. I was bleeding out on the table and my mom was the only one able to keep me calm. I needed her to be with me with this baby too; mentally. So we worked this plan out months in advance and everyone was on the same page.

However, I go in to labor.. we make the phone calls to MIL and my mom. Telling my mom to be ready and my MIL to go get my mother. An hour and 15 minutes later, MIL shows up at the hospital without my mom, my kids or my grandmother. She said “well it’s late so we need to just let everyone sleep” (it was 9:30pm) and then sat her ass down on the chair in the delivery room and jumped on her phone.

I told her in a pissed off tone to go get my mom, that was the plan, I needed my mom, etc etc and she just wouldn’t. At one point saying that she didn’t feel up to driving that much (my mom lives 20 minutes from her house, an hour away). So, I told her to get the f**k out of the room and that she was dead to me. The amount of resentment and disgust that I felt toward her in this moment is honestly not something I feel I will overcome any time soon.

She was pissed, saying that my mom got to experience 2 births already and how she didn’t do anything wrong and she was “just being respectful of people’s sleep” and where she wasn’t leaving, she was actually escorted out.
Now, my mom was able to make it to the hospital literally just as I was giving birth.

My kids and my grandmother weren’t able to make it, which bothers me a great deal (we promised our kids they would be the first to meet their sister, outside of us and grammie). I cannot forgive my MIL for this at all. I honestly feel like I hate her with every fiber of my being. But I’m being told I’m taking this too far and that it wasn’t that big of a deal. AITA?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Darksponge72 −  You are NTA, I am not a professional but it seems like you MIL did it on purpose so she could be the only one there for the delivery.

BartleBossy −  NTA. A**hole move to change the plan like that without communicating. Bigger A**hole move deal to refuse to go back to the original plan HUGE a**hole move to refuse to leave the hospital room, forcing herself into your most vulnerable moment.. B**ch *tripled down*.

Haunting-Aardvark709 −  NTA she robbed you of your safety and support person for the birth, raising your stress levels and putting you and the baby in danger. She would be dead to me and the 3 kids too.

Bonnm42 −  INFO: Is your husband the one saying you are taking this too far?

Agitated_Fun_7628 −  NTA. What she did was so extremely out of line that she deserves to be cut out for a while. Op, this sinister woman did this on purpose. She wanted to be your family’s ride so she could cut them out because she’s jealous of your mother. The way it all played out was extremely obvious. She needs to experience consequences. Show this entitled piece of work that she isn’t above anyone, certainly not the mother going through labor.

MainEgg320 −  NTA. It’s pretty obvious she did this purposefully because she’s resentful your mother was at the first two births and she wasn’t. Her excuse is BS. It was 9:30 at night, not 3am!! I would be livid as well! Personally, I’d go LC/NC until she is able to fully understand how wrong she was for pulling that bs.

Sea_Midnight1411 −  NTA. MIL was being incredibly selfish and petty. She deserved to be thrown out. Keep her out.

Onautopilotsendhelp −  NTA. Childbirth is super traumatic and beyond painful. Your mother was the ONLY ONE to calm you down the last time when you nearly *died. Doctors need that.* Your MIL was coached/told the plan for this labor MONTHS IN ADVANCE. It was 9:30pm and everyone would be fine being woken up (if they were even sleeping) to come meet a new member of the family. Especially if it meant that much to your first two children.

This was m**ipulative, a severe power play, and she even sat down/ignored you in the delivery room to be on her phone. She made it about herself and didn’t even focus on being there for you – She just wanted to say she was the first and only one there. She revealed her toxicity when she said your mom got to be there for 2 births already. Like what’s the point?

The point is you made plans in advance, you wanted and needed your mother/children/grandmother there. That was the plan. Nothing derailed this plan. Your MIL decided to derail it and act like their “sleep” was more important to hide her ulterior motives.

Whoever is telling you that you’re making it a big deal out of nothing, tell them IT IS a big deal, because what if a similar traumatic birth happened and you couldn’t be calmed down? Your heart rate couldn’t be stabilized? Because you were stuck in a room with a person who disregarded you, your wishes, you couldn’t trust in such a vulnerable time, and honestly DGAF about your health because they wanted to be on their phone. Congrats on your baby, wish you a speedy recovery, and hope you go NC/LC with this atrocious MIL. Like the sheer audacity, oof.

RougieBear −  NTA childbirth is a precious moment and your kids need to be one of if not the first to meet their sibling you set up a plan of action which everyone agreed on and she robed you of that.

AntiochGhost8100 −  NTA her excuse is ridiculous. My daughter was born at 3AM. 9:30 pm is not late especially if everyone is expecting a baby to be born. I’m glad you called her out and I hope your husband is on your side. I do think complete NC is an extreme reaction, but this also seems like it was deliberately done to make your mother miss the birth, so I understand your anger.