AITA for not going to my best friends wedding when I am the witness? ?

One Redditor is facing a dilemma with her best friend who recently decided to move up their wedding date to just before Christmas, in a remote location that’s 5 hours away.

The Redditor is supposed to be the maid of honour and legally required to sign the marriage documents, but she’s finding it difficult to commit due to the short notice, travel conditions, financial concerns, and other practical issues. The bride didn’t consult her about these arrangements, which has left the Redditor feeling frustrated and unsupported. Read on for more details.

‘ AITA for not going to my best friends wedding when I am the witness? ?’

My best friend is having a wedding. She asked me to be her maid of honour and I was doing all the duties as one would do. I knew that she wanted a very small wedding and not to be a big deal and I respected it.

She got engaged in August and wanted to get married as soon as possible. For about a month now she has been talking about getting married in the town she lives in February 2025 which is 4 hours away for me but I lived there and have several friends I can stay with. Assuming the date of her wedding is in February, I planned a bachelorette party with girlfriends from all over BC to meet in one town and all celebrate her. (She knows about this)

Yesterday I received a message from the bride that she will be getting married before Christmas- about a month from now in a remote town 5 hours away. And said she already booked the airbnb for them and that I have to find my own.

I am the only person she really wants there and also I legally have to be there to sign.. This is where I struggle:

-she didn’t ask me if I am available in December

-didn’t check with me if I can do it a week before Christmas financially- which I can’t
-when we were discussing where I can stay I was saying that everything is really expensive and that I don’t want to pay for Friday night when I arrive at 10pm and just sleep. Meanwhile she has a giant 2 bedroom airbnb and didn’t offer that I can crush there the one night.

-it’s very snowy here in Canada in December and I have to pass 2 mountain passes and I don’t feel safe to go.

-my partner said straight up he is not going because it’s a very short notice and we don’t have anyone to watch our 2 dogs.

-there is no reception after, the bride and groom are gonna bbq and they don’t drink so I’ll end up in a hotel room by myself at 8pm. I am new to these wedding ethics and I understand that the day is about them and they can do whatever they want but shouldn’t you check with your made of honour? I am making it about myself?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

LovBonobos −  NTA, as they didn’t contact you about how available you are for the changes you are well within your rights to back out. As to being their only legal witness, not sure about Canada (I assume BC means Canada) but she should be able to get a local person to be her witness at the venue;

who ever is working with the officiant of the ceremony (secretary of clerk or wife of the minister)? If not then she needs to rethink her wedding. If family is going to be there let them witness it.

SushiGuacDNA −  NTA. You said “yes” to one thing. That’s the thing you are committed to! Your friend changed everything, without even asking you, and so **your original “yes” no longer counts**. Your friend also up-ended the work you did arranging the bachelorette party, which is an extra knock against her.

Your friend could have said, “Hey, I have a new plan. Would it still be possible for you to be our witness?” In that case, she wouldn’t have been so much of an a**hole (still 50% a**hole for messing up the bachelorette party), but the way she did it, not asking and assuming you can still make it, is 100% a**hole.

Doc_HW −  Is your friend always this clueless, or is it just around the holidays? Hosts, whether it’s for a wedding or any other event, can’t just make last minute changes and expect everyone to go along as if nothing happened. Everyone has their own plans, budgets, and lives that don’t revolve around the host’s whims.

You had already planned everything, not just in terms of staying with people you know, but also in organizing your time and budget to enjoy the wedding as a bridesmaid. You even arranged the bachelorette party!

Now, your friend expects you to be available on a date just a month away and to have the resources to rent an Airbnb because she not only changed the date but also the venue? NTA. Your friend, on the other hand, is being completely unreasonable.

xhevnobski −  NTA. She didn’t consider you or your circumstances at all. She can’t really be mad when you can’t, or won’t, go.

CheekPowerful8369 −  This is your best friend, you need to communicate this to her in a very kind, no confrontational way. Do it soon so she has time to find a different witness. NTA, but hurry.

bestbobever −  NTA – She changed plans and they are no longer compatible with you. You don’t \*HAVE\* to legally be there. Anyone can be a witness to sign the marriage certificate. Apologize you can’t make it and bow out.

To answer your last question. If it was really that important to her you were going to be there, she would have checked with you first. This wasn’t a spur of the moment, last minute thing. You agreed to a date/time/place. A million little things went into them changing that date.

Discussions between the bride/groom, the decision on a new location, the research into the booking of the airbnb, any food, drink, decoration, venue, officiant, etc. They went to all of that planning without talking to you first. Think about all the planning you did for the bachlorette party. Now imagine changing the date, time and location without telling the bride.

Retiredandhappy15 −  Do you think maybe she changed up everything hoping you might drop out? Always a possibility. I wouldn’t feel bad about dropping out, no need to put yourself in danger or in financial distress over someone else’s wedding.

_s1m0n_s3z −  Wish her luck, but tell her you won’t be able to make it. NTA.

Worth-Season3645 −  NTA…”oh no! I am so sorry, but December will not work for me. I will not be able to attend now. I wish you would have said something to me earlier, as I had already made accommodations for February. Unfortunately, You will have to have someone else sign for you now. Again, I am so very happy for you, but I will not be able to accommodate the date change”.

DisneyBuckeye −  NTA – you can’t go so you can’t go. They can get anyone to be their witness, it doesn’t have to be you. Out of curiosity, what happens to the bachelorette party now? Do you cancel it? I mean, she’s getting married before the party.

Do you think the Redditor should suck it up and be there for her friend, even if the circumstances aren’t ideal, or is it reasonable for her to prioritize her own safety, finances, and well-being given the short notice? Would you go in her place? Share your thoughts below!