AITA for not inviting my best friends boyfriend to a “6 year clear of cancer” meal?

A young man (19M) hosting a celebratory meal for being six years cancer-free refuses to invite his best friend’s boyfriend, who bullied him severely during high school, mocking his cancer and sexuality. While his friend insists her boyfriend has changed, recent comments suggest otherwise.

When he denies the invitation, his friend calls him childish and threatens not to attend if her boyfriend isn’t welcome. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for not inviting my best friends boyfriend to a “6 year clear of cancer” meal?’

I 19m suffered from cancer while I was only 12, I had a lot of people there for me but the one who was there for me the most was my best friend 19f, she was by my side the whole time, whenever I had to go to hospital for chemotherapy treatment she was always there messaging me, making sure I was okay.

When I arrived back in school I had joined a drama club which was after school and lasted about an hour and a half, there was one guy in this club that I didn’t not get along with at all.

I’m gay and have knew for awhile and after a month of being back at school I had told my closest friends and they were all supportive, but like everything in highschool word got round to other students and tbh I didn’t mind all to much,

but this guy in the club found out and was extremely h**ophobic towards me telling me I should leave the school because no one would want to talk to me anymore and started bringing up hurtful stuff about my cancer I had not long beat such as “it should have taken your life” and “it’s a shame you beat it”.

Fast forwarding to now we are celebrating 6 years of me being clear of it, we have a meal every year to celebrate, it usually consists of me, my family, my boyfriend 22m who I’ve been with for almost 2 years and my closest friends.

My best friend started dating this guy 5 months and I found out a few weeks into their relationship it was the same guy who said all that hurtful stuff to me 6 years ago, I spoke to her about it and agreed to give him another chance as she seemed genuinely happy with him and had insisted he had changed,

me and him still don’t get along but I don’t interfere with their relationship as she is the happiest she has been for awhile. She then asked a few days ago if he could come to the meal that I was holding for my 6 years clear,

I was pretty hesitant and told her that as much as I’m happy for her being with someone she likes, he was awful to me in highschool and I can’t forgive him for what he was like, I also told her that he still doesn’t like me as he has made that obvious about a month ago when he said something to another close friend of mine about me and my boyfriend.

She is now calling me childish and started saying I should just forget about it, she also said if he doesn’t come she isn’t going to either. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know whether to forget everything and let him join in the meal or deny her request of him joining and deal with the consequences of her not joining either.

So AITA for not forgetting what he had done and denying my friends request of him joining.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Background_Eye_148 −  NTA. Personally, I would not even see that person as a friend. He said horrible things to you back then, continues to say s**tty things about you, and your “friend” has the audacity to ask if he can join?!

Something he was sad to see happen, namely, you beating cancer?! I hope you hear me when I say this: that is not your friend. You deserve better. You are not being childish. Keep your boundary firm.

lilythefirefly −  NTA. This celebration is so personal for you, and it makes complete sense that you wouldn’t want someone who was cruel to you during a vulnerable time be there, especially since he’s shown he hasn’t changed much.

This event is about your recovery and the people who truly supported you, not a chance to make nice with someone who actively hurt you.

Own-Whereas-7420 −  NTA. Your friend sounds dense. Of course you wouldn’t want that guy there, why would she even date him? I could see if he changed in those 6 years since he said those things, but he didn’t. Not sure what kind of friend she is. Wow.

JuggernautWilling851 −  NTA. Your dinner party is for surviving cancer and the b**ly wished you’d died from it. That alone would be enough reason not to invite him IMO. However, it sounds like the bf might be isolating your friend,

because of the way she phrased it: “if he can’t come, I won’t either”, is that coming from her, or won’t he allow her to come if he’s not present? Might be something to consider!

Anyway, congratulations on your remission and go celebrate with the people who love and support you! No time for people who don’t appreciate you for the amazing person you are

Maximum-Collar6038 −  NTA, simply tell her “6 years ago your boyfriend told me he wished the cancer killed me, while I accept his apology, I do not forget the words he said to me, so no, I do not want to celebrate with someone who wished d**th upon me for the very reason we are celebrating”.

Ok_Signature3413 −  NTA One thing I’ve learned is that while people can change, the ones who are especially cruel rarely do. The fact that this guy was so hateful and cruel to you at a time he knew was especially difficult for you,

and decides it’s okay to talk s**t about you and your boyfriend instead of being anything but apologetic tells me he’s probably the same person he was. I’d say I feel bad for your friend too as she may not recognize him as being a cruel person,

but given that she called you childish for not wanting to be around him tells me that she’s just turning a blind eye to how he treats others, which is s**tty, but even worse when that cruelty is directed at her friend.

ChiquitaBananaKush −  NTA but your best friend isn’t your friend anymore. She’s dating your b**ly.

stroppo −  NTA. Bullies never seem to get what they deserve, and for your “friend” to be defending him is sickening. And it doesn’t sound like he has changed. Do not invite him. If your “friend” chooses to stay away, so be it. Have a gathering with people who really care about you, not false “friends.”

Due-Passenger7093 −  Nahhhh NTA… this is your celebration and you definitely don’t need to invite your highschool b**ly to it no matter how much he changed… if she’s really a friend she will understand… and if the b**ly really changed he will understand…

Hope you and your BF are doing great and congratulations on the 6 years cancer free! I wish you nothing but happiness and health in the future. edit: spelling

Is he justified in maintaining boundaries, or should he move past the hurt for the sake of his friendship? Share your thoughts below!