AITA for telling my wife that the house we are gonna build won’t have 5 extra rooms for her mom, her 3 brothers and her cousin?
A husband and wife are designing their future house on jointly owned land, purchased with life insurance proceeds from their late daughter. The husband plans a modest 4-bedroom home for their family of four. However, the wife demands five extra rooms to accommodate her extended family, despite no prior agreement.
When he refuses, she threatens to sell the land. To protect his children’s future, the husband plans to transfer his land share into a trust with strict usage terms. read the original story below…
‘ AITA for telling my wife that the house we are gonna build won’t have 5 extra rooms for her mom, her 3 brothers and her cousin?’
Was looking at house plans to submit to the town hall for approval for an acre we own out in Minnesota, 4 bedroom, one for wife and me one for each of our 2 kids and an extra room as a play room/game room. “Where’s my family staying?”
She already promised them that they would move in with us, and she us now furious that “You only care about yourself. What about me?” I told her that I didn’t agree to that from the start. Now she’s looking to sell the land from under me to prove a point, I guess.
Info: The land is owned jointly by me and my wife. It was purchased using the life insurance payout we got for the d**th of our one year old girl in 2021. Between then and now, I got a manufacturing job with a federal government contractor. Her family has no stake or rights to our land.
I got a call from the town’s registrar about the “ownership change inquiries” for the land. We actually own 2 parcels, and I offered her to sell one parcel to her siblings for market value, but she declined. The house will be paid by me.
I told her if her family want, I can do an ADU, but they will pay market value for their rent, per room. So, about 900 each. She declined. My current course of action is to transfer my ownership of the land into a trust with my kids as primary owners with express instructions that only direct descendants of me may build and live on the property.
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
LK_Feral − NTA. I’m guessing her family would also be a financial burden? Why else would they need to live with you? That many functioning adults should be able to pool together, buy their own land, and build their own house. However… Who owns the land?
You may be selling it soon to divide the marital assets anyway, if you really don’t want your wife’s relatives living with you. If the land is in her family or was her inheritance, I’d change my vote. But, if you purchased it together, my vote stands. Edit: The Info about who owned the land was not in the original post I responded to.
seanthebean24 − Info Who actually owns the land? Your Wife, you, or is it a joint marital asset? If it’s yours then she doesn’t get to tell you what to do with it, if it’s hers then she can sell it if she wants, if it’s a joint asset neither of you can sell it without the other person.
My solution is is that if it is hers she can sell it and then divorce her. Don’t waste your time building a life to get stuck taking care of her family.
anglflw − I feel there is a great deal of detail missing from this story.
Alternative_Dot_1026 − NTA. But you probably are getting a divorce.
medicoreapples − Omg. Heck no don’t let them live in the same home as you both. That will end all intimacy for sure. IF she is 100% on having her family live with her, then an idea is that on the same land you both can build a tiny small place for them to stay at that is seperate from your house
booksiwabttoread − NTA – you need to protect your investment and get counseling – couples and financial.
concretism − Info How did you both get to the blueprint stage and not discuss the possibility of 5 adults (potentially more with partners and children) living with you?
SingleAlfredoFemale − INFO: she’s trying to sell the land from under you? Does she own the land? Is this (her) family land?
No-Donut-8692 − NTA because those sort of decisions need to be made by both, regardless. But I’m confused. How could she sell the land without your permission? You said it was an acre that “we” own. Did you both contribute to buying said land?
I’m just trying to think why her family feels an entitlement to move in. Your story is light on the financial details that might shed some light as to why this whole disagreement is happening.
celticmusebooks − How can she sell the land out from under you? How does the deed to the land read? Why would able bodied adults be moving in with you? I feel like there’s a lot more to this story.
Is the husband being unfair, or is his decision reasonable? Share your thoughts below!
