AITA for storming off from my sister’s wedding after she deadnamed my son?
A Reddit user shares a heart-wrenching experience of attending his sister’s wedding with his transgender son, Connor. Despite the family knowing about Connor’s transition for two years, the sister insisted on using his deadname and female-coded dress expectations.
When the father confronted her, she dismissed Connor’s identity, leading the family to leave the wedding. The fallout caused tension, with some family members accusing the OP of ruining the day. Read the full story below for the details of this emotional event.
‘ AITA for storming off from my sister’s wedding after she deadnamed my son?’
I’m a 45yro single father of three. Theur mom died 10 years ago. I have 3 sons, 17yro Andrew, 15yro Connor and 14yro Max. Connor was born female, he is trans. He came out as trans 5 years ago, and has now socially transitioned, not yet phisically.
My sister (38F) just got married. Me and my sons were also invited. My family has known that Connor is trans for 2 years now, some have adjusted well, some not so much. My sister is pretty indifferent about it. Her wedding was really super well organised to the last detail.
She wanted all the men to wear shirt+tie and then women sundresses. I textednher a picture of our outfits the day before the wedding, and she said “where’s Nia’s dress?”. I was a bit surprised and told her not to deadname my son and that he’ll be wearing a shirt and tie like the rest of men there or we aren’t coming.
She said “fine” and that was it. At the reception, my sister got mad that Connor was wearing a tie, but didn’t say much after that. When we sat down at our table, the card “Nia”. I went to my sister and she said she used “their real name”.
I told her me and the boys are leaving and she told me “don’t you dare cause a scene at MY WEDDING, Nia can be a guy any other day”. I called her a bigot and we left. My family says I ruined her wedding.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
samanthacarter4 − He can be a man any other day?! What a ridiculous thing to say. Well, sister theoretically could be an AH any other day too yet here we are. NTA. Good on you for standing up to her in support of your son.. Edit: thanks for the awards y’all!
lucifersnana − NTA, long con idea tho; she got married right? She was miss **Smith** let’s say, she’s now Mrs Jones right? Conveniently forget the Jones and call her Smith.
I mean that’s what you’ve known her as your whole life, so it’s hard to change what you’ve called someone their whole life even if they prefer you call them something else…
ClothesQueasy2828 − NTA. I don’t quite understand all this transitioning stuff, but it looks to me like you respect your child and you demanded that your sister respect him also, and she didn’t. If anyone created a scene, it was her by putting Nia on the name card. You did the right thing.
Hour_Dog_4781 − You stood up for your kid. That makes you a wonderful parent, definitely NTA.
Katabri − NTA. Your family, on the other hand take the cake in that. Good for you for sticking up for your son!
er3t − NTA. If she wanted you at her wedding, she should’ve respect your son’s identity.
_PrincessOats − NTA. First, you’re a hero for protecting your kid. Never feel sorry for that. Second, your sister isn’t “indifferent” to your son being trans. She’s actively a transphobe. Nobody accepting or even indifferent would repeatedly use a deadname. Honestly, in your position I’d just cut her out.
[Reddit User] − My mum tried to force me to wear a dress to my grandmas funeral (I’m a trans guy) because she said it was “appropriate” so I sent her a photo of me in dress (I’m a very hairy guy) with the caption “nothing says appropriate like a man in a dress“ she soon backed off.
But then I’m a fully grown adult capable of defending myself, thanks so much for looking out for your son, you are a fantastic dad 🙂
pdiddyday − Thanks for the awards! NTA. As parents of trans kids, we have one job: KEEP TRANS KIDS ALIVE. Your sister is clearly not on the team.
rorythelow − NTA. I came out as trans when I was 16 and I wish I had this kind of support. Your sister is a bigot. Your kid will remember this in a good way, and I’m glad Connor has you in his corner ❤️
Do you think the father was justified in leaving to support his son, or should he have stayed to avoid escalating the situation at the wedding? How would you handle a family conflict like this? Share your thoughts below!
