AITA for lecturing a family friend about asking a well hearted question??

A Redditor recently snapped at a family friend who asked when she’d be having children, responding with a list of potential hardships people might face that make such questions uncomfortable.

After years of politely deflecting the question, she finally let her feelings be known in a moment of vulnerability, but now she’s questioning whether she went too far, especially since this happened after her grandfather’s funeral. Read her story below.

‘ AITA for lecturing a family friend about asking a well hearted question? ?’

I’m a 34F that has been in a long time relationship with a 37M (11y, 6 married). I live abroad and when I’m back home and meet some family & friends, I am fried by quite few people as to when I (we) will be having children.

I usually just politely smile, laugh it off and show a picture of my beautiful cat and say: “what for? I already have a cat”. Recently, when I visited (due to my grandad’s d**th, who practically raised me), after a total of 12 people asking me (some even during the funeral festivities) I snapped.

Her question was not even the typical “so, when are the babies coming” but: _So, I see no children yet, will you just settle as an auntie?_
It was a family friend, who I actually like. She is young (45) and has two children. Instead of smiling and doing yet again my cat comment, I snapped:

_Please, do not ask me or anyone this question_ _What if I just had an spontaneous a**rtion 3 weeks ago?_ _What if we’ve been trying for the past 8 years with no success?_ _What if my husband had cancer twice as a child and was left sterile?_

_What if we haves pent all of our savings in treatments and no longer are able to pay for them + no longer will be accepted in adoption lists because we spent all of our money?_. _What if we just don’t want to?_ _What if we just gave up after 4 non viable fetuses and a devastating depression?_

_I know you do not mean ill, but PLEASE, stop asking this question._ She was left speechless. I did not yell at her nor raise my voice, but we were in public. My grandma, uncle, husband, her husband, 3 other friends and 1 her children were present. This was after the funeral.

From the examples above, one applies to me, all of the rest are real situations some of my personal friends, work colleagues and other women and couples I know have gone through. For a moment, I felt free.

I felt that I had to say it, and I think I did express well a wide range of realistic situations we could be in, because all of them are real.
But now the realization of all is settling in and I have a weird feeling about it. I feel unease. I think that she is just uneducated or oblivious, maybe just ignorant.

I am afraid this has scarred our relationship and any future meetings will be uncomfortable. I might have dumped all my rage on her and that she did not really deserve it. I had a few comments following this.

My grandma just feels sad for both, she says that I should have just let it slide, but she does know what our situation is and somehow understands where I came from. My uncle is quite mad and says I should not have spoken to a friend this way.. My husband supports me.

The other people did not dare saying anything (yet). 50% of me feels freed. Relieved somehow thinking I might have educated her and the rest of people present, and therefore other people in my situation will be spared the question. 50% of me feels guilty. Very very guilty for not letting it slide..

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Aware_Welcome_8866 −  NTA. You did this for all of us who have had to field these rude questions! You might want to think of another way to address these ill mannered questions if the cat thing isn’t working out. “That’s a private matter and I don’t care to discuss it again.”

000-Hotaru_Tomoe −  NTA Whether the comment came from ignorance or malice, it was inappropriate. Period. People need to learn to stay out of other people’s wombs, it’s none of their business.

grandmabrouhaha −  Absolutely NTA. When will people realize that one’s fertility decisions are private? Especially at a funeral! I used to work a customer service job and people would ask if I’m married and/or have kids all the time. Strangers, not just regular customers. It continually blew my mind.

Like, will this pack of gum taste better if I’m married with kids? Would my asexuality sour the milk you just bought? Any other personal information you need for this transaction to happen? How often I shave my legs? Rarely.

In order to have peace, I had to make up a husband (who was a mechanic btw) and I used my friend’s kids as a template for “my son and daughter” lie. Ironically, my family have never had issue with my choices, they’ve known me a long time.

SweetBekki −  Don’t feel bad. One of these days that friend is going to ask the same question with the wrong person and she’s going to make them really spiral.. There’s a few questions in life that you shouldn’t be pushy about and children is one of them, you’ve already covered the reasons.

iwantaponytoo −  NTA. Why some people think that it’s their business if you’re going to breed is beyond me, especially at a funeral, for goodness sake.

Individual_Ad_9213 −  NTA. Your speech should be printed and given to every single “well meaning” friend and relative who ever asks this question of anyone else. It’s none of their business.

Final_Figure_7150 −  NTA. The baby question is never appropriate, period. Like you said, nobody knows what’s happening behind closed doors, you might have been trying for years, gone through fertility treatments, pregnancy loss, whatever.

These questions just need to stop. I’m lucky my mother has not once asked me when I’m giving her grandkids, because the answer would be probably never 😅

lolhoomie −  NTA Speaking out the truth doesn’t make you an a**hole and if you said in the way you claim, your delivery was very polite. Even if you shocked her a bit, she might start to think before talking. So, that’s a win

Ok_Homework_7621 −  NTA. People need to stop asking or they deserve to be embarrassed.

Due_Future2066 −  NTA. That friend will think twice before asking someone that again. Like you said, most people mean no harm but asking is insensitive and invasive. I always hated being asked the following:

1. When are y’all getting married? 2. When are y’all going to have a baby? 3. When are you going to give your baby a sibling? 4. Aren’t you going to try for a boy?. It’s nobody’s business.

Did the Redditor go too far in her response, or was this an important reminder to be sensitive with personal questions? How would you handle repeated inquiries about personal topics like children? Share your thoughts below!