AITA for saying I will call social services if my SIL keeps leaving her child at my place?

A woman has had enough of her sister-in-law Steph dropping off her 4-year-old daughter Alice unannounced at her home for babysitting, often leaving Alice with her housekeeper. After repeatedly asking Steph to stop and seeing no change, the woman finally told Steph she would contact social services if this continues.

Steph became upset, but the woman feels her boundary was necessary, as she didn’t agree to become a daycare for Alice. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for saying I will call social services if my SIL keeps leaving her child at my place?’

I (30f) have a half brother, “Enzo” (40M). We’re not very close since we were both raised with our respective mothers but he has always gone out of his way to help me with anything I’ve needed. Enzo married his wife “Steph” (33f) two years ago.

Steph has a daughter, “Alice” (4) with her ex but has sole custody, and Enzo and Steph have a 7mo son “Teddy”. I also have a 3 year old daughter. Enzo and Steph moved to the city I live in when Steph got pregnant, and since then, Steph developed a habit of showing up at my apartment building unannounced.

It became a problem and I talked to both her and Enzo about it and she stopped, until she gave birth. Now, she regularly drops by unannounced to leave Alice at my building for “babysitting” while she has to run errands or something. She’s had her carpool drop Alice off at my apartment before.

My poor housekeeper is a wonderful woman who has had to deal with Alice arriving unexpectedly while I’m out and I feel terrible about it. I’ve told the concierge not to let her up and to say no one is in but then I’ll arrive to Alice waiting in the lobby which is not safe and the concierge has told me I can’t make them responsible for a child.

Steph keeps saying she only does it when she’s desperate but I don’t see how she can be that desperate to run errands at least twice a week and frankly I’m not a nanny if she’s desperate she needs to hire some help.

I’ve spoken to Enzo and he is always extremely apologetic and says he will talk to her and I believe he does, but he also works during the day and can’t police where she is at all hours.

I reached my breaking point a couple of days ago when I returned from lunch to find Alice at home, having been dropped off since she had a half day at school. I apologised profusely to my housekeeper who had spent time playing babysitter and called Steph, no answer.

I called her several times, and then Enzo, who was on a business trip and distraught over the situation. Steph eventually turned up a couple of hours later and I went ballistic.

I said if she ever leaves Alice at my building again I will call social services and I will call them every single time she drops Alice off with me until they do something, because this is not my job and she is an irresponsible and neglectful parent.

She burst into tears and begged me to help out with Alice but I said no and reminded her I’d never said yes in the first place, she just kept dumping her kid here. Steph kept trying to guilt trip me but I was too exhausted and upset about the situation to be receptive and eventually my husband had to tell her to leave.

I feel bad because as I said, Enzo has never been anything but the most accommodating person where I’m concerned and maybe treating his wife like that was harsh, but at the same time I chose to have one kid because I don’t want another one, Steph can’t use my house as a daycare. Was I too harsh?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Kris82868 −  NTA. She may also flat out need to be told that you did not hire your housekeeper to watch her child. How unfair for her to be infringed on like that. Have you told her directly she is free to tell SIL that she is not babysitting/it’s not what she’s hired to do?

[Reddit User] −  NTA – She’s being careless and her daughter is going to end up getting hurt by her mother’s actions. What happens when your housekeeper and you aren’t home and she ends up getting hurt or worse?

FragrantEconomist386 −  NTA. Do it! Steph is not entitled to your free services as a day care. I also think it is kind of sus. Where is the other child during this, and why does she feel the need to get rid of Alice so often?

33Yidana53 −  NTA Maybe I have been on Reddit too long and please if I’m wrong I apologise. Is Teddy really your half brothers son? Is she going off to be with another man so he can see his son? At 4 a kid will blab that is maybe why she is not taking her daughter.

To be honest I would be even more positive it was an affair if she wasn’t taking her son.

Far_Dependent_8975 −  NTA .This woman is completely irresponsible, she did not hesitate to leave her child in the hall, it’s horrible. Besides, based on your description, am I wrong to think that she is not working?If she doesn’t change her way of doing things, ask for payment, you are not (*even less your housekeeper* 😒) her free worker.

DamnitGravity −  Enzo has never been anything but the most accommodating person . Yeah, uh, no. He apologises and says he’s ‘talked to her’. Sounds very wishy-washy and much like an excuse for him to stay on your good side enough that you’ll keep taking care of Alice because _he_ at least is just _so nice.

He’s basically doing the equivalent of throwing his hands up in the air and saying “welp, I tried! Not my fault!” then dusting his hands of the situation and leaving.

If he actually wanted to help you, he’d discuss such options with her such as getting their own nanny or sitter, and be more pro-active about giving her consequences for her actions. If she does drop Alice off, call the police on the non-emergency number. Or have the concierge or housekeeper do it if you’re not home. NTA

MercyForNone −  NTA Call CPS every single time. Someone could take that child while she is abandoned in a building lobby for hours each time. Talking to your brother and her gets you nowhere, do what you need to do. They were warned of the consequences you are prepared to give to their negligent actions.

SiL should renegotiate her custody of Alice so that the bio dad has full custody. She clearly doesn’t want to have her daughter with her, and she is causing irreparable harm to that child. She should also get checked to see if she isn’t suffering from postpartum.

Gladtobealive2020 −  NTA You said your sil said she only drops alice over if she is desperate. But you recently returned home to find alice there because she had 1/2 day of school. Your SIL had to have known in advance it was a 1/2 day at school, so it wasn’t an emergency and not a desperate need for a babysitter.

she also had to have had alice with her to get her to your place, so why not just take her home? I think your SIL is doing something sketchy that she doesnt want a child who can talk to be with her.

On the 1/2 day Alice was dropped off hrs before you returned from lunch and your sister didnt show up until several hrs later. Thats 4 or 5 hrs and i cant imagine what would take that much time that is an emergency (since sil said she only drops alice off when shes desperate).

Did you ask her what she was doing that required 4-5 hrs without her child? The fact that she doesn’t say where she is is another 🚩. Maybe you need to share how frequently this happens with Enzo.

Lainy122 −  Maybe I’ve been on reddit too long, but I get the feeling that her “errands” are a cover for male company. NTA. I work in a public library and parents often drop their young children off and leave to run errands and even go to work.

You would not believe the types of people that come through our doors, and staff are not equipped to keep an eye on every minor in the building. It is basically the equivalent of leaving your child in a public park. We call the cops if the parent doesn’t come back to pick up their kid or answer the phone,

because the safety of the child is always first. You have said yourself that you are often not at home when Alice is dropped off. What if your housekeeper had an emergency and had to leave early?

What if the concierge was back-filled by someone else that day, and was a stickler for rules and had no experience with kids, and instead made her stay in the foyer while they helped someone else instead of watching her?

These might seem like far-fetched scenarios, but if no one has agreed to take responsibility for a child, then <i no one has taken responsibility for the child.</i Kids always come first. Do what you gotta do.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Look, she is being completely irresponsible. You do not, under any circumstances, drop off (or have a child dropped off) at a place without clearing it first with the person you are dropping off the child to.

**And even after clearing it with the person, you personally escort them to the place until they inside the apartment/house/etc.** I have heard of more than one situation like this that ended tragically. Until she suffers real consequences for her behavior, she won’t stop. She needs to stop doing this.

Was she right to set this firm boundary with her sister-in-law?