AITAH for “robbing” my wife’s affair partner which has now lead to his divorce?

This person walked in on his wife’s affair and reacted by taking her affair partner’s belongings as a form of retaliation. His actions set off a chain reaction that led to the affair partner’s divorce. Though he was initially open to counseling, things have changed since his wife began blaming him for her affair partner’s consequences. Now, he’s filing for divorce. Here’s his story.

‘ AITAH for “robbing” my wife’s affair partner which has now lead to his divorce?’

I (32) have been married to my soon to be ex-wife (30), Madison, for four years. We are currently in counseling but it is not going to work. About a year ago I found out she was having an affair by coming home to their clothes in our living room and sounds coming from our bedroom.

I lost it. I was getting my cricket bat out of the front closet when I stopped to think about consequences. I did not want to go to jail. Instead I took all their clothes and left quietly. I went to a friend’s house but not before throwing all the clothes in a McDonald’s garbage can.

I turned off my phone and got shitfaced with my buddy. His wife hosed us off in the morning. After I turned my phone back on I had dozens of calls and texts from Madison. First scared because she got my updated flight information.

Then upset that I hadn’t called her to let her know I was going to be coming home early. Then freaked out that the house had been broken into. Then crazy because she figured out it was me. They just got more deranged.

The guy she was with is five inches shorter than me and about 60 pounds lighter. So if he had taken my clothes it would be obvious. He ended up calling his friend to go get his spare keys from his house. Unfortunately for him his wife smelled a r** and followed his friend back to my house. Where she saw him leaving in oversized clothes.

Long story short she took pictures and she had evidence of his infidelity. Which caused their prenup to be cancelled. Which cost him a lot of money. It is all one big giant s**t show.

It took a couple of months but my wife convinced me to try and forgive her. We started going to counseling and we were working our way through it. Until recently.

In a counseling session she said that I was wrong to steal his wallet, phone, and car keys. She said that his divorce is costing him a lot of money and that I should have dealt with it in a more mature manner and that it was my fault.

I have never admitted to taking his stuff. To begin with I was afraid he might call the cops. Then I didn’t want to give her ammunition in case she wanted a divorce. Now I just don’t care. I told her that her cheating was the reason her boyfriend is getting divorced. And that I hope his ex takes everything.

I am still not living at home. I have my own apartment and I’m filing for divorce. Now that I know how she feels it is kind of a slap in the face that she is blaming me for his divorce.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

[Reddit User] −  I really hope this is true because that is amazing work 😂👌
NTA. Can’t believe she had the audacity to back him up after she betrayed you with him. 

Time-Development-860 −  Yeahhhhh NTA.

Zern_ −  That fact that she tried to blame his divorce on you and not the fact that they had an affair says a lot about her.

SweetSerenityxx −  NTA. Cancel the rest of the marriage counselling session and get that divorce ASAP. Hopefully, you are in an area where you can get restitution from the AP and infidelity is considered to be at fault in divorce.

If she stuck to her marital vows she wouldn’t be in this situation and it further proves that she is in communication with the AP currently. I hope you are in contact with the betrayed spouse because she can potentially help you with your case by providing additional information and proof of the affair, including photos of AP leaving in your clothes.

If you own that home and your name is on the deed, move back in and sleep in the guest room. Give her the absolute silent treatment. You do not want to make it look like you abandoned your home. Install cameras if you have to. Get that divorce and be free!

no_thanks_9802 −  OMG I died laughing! Your wife has a lot of nerve sticking up for her AP and claiming that you wronged him. How about the wrong her and him committed against you and his wife? Clearly she doesn’t regret her affair, just getting caught. I wish you well and I hope all goes your way in the divorce.. NTA.

The_Crown_And_Anchor −  File for divorce my dude. Then reach out to this guy’s wife and tell her who you are and that once her divorce is done…you’d like to take her to dinner to celebrate both your marriages ending and karma doing it’s thing. NTAH.

PS Never admit to taking his clothes if you haven’t already done so. Just claim you have no idea what they are talking about.

danceoff-now −  Hope you grabbed yourself a ROYALE with cheese after you dumped the clothes.

Playful_Pudding2251 −  Sometimes being an AH is justified. This is one of those times.. Well played.. NTA.

Thisisastupidname0 −  Why does she know anything about him and his current struggles if she’s trying to earn your trust back lmao ditch her for sure!

IndigoMontigo −  Was that an a**hole move?  Possibly, but only barely. It’s not even a rounding error in comparison to what they were doing. And you are right — he isn’t getting a divorce because you took his stuff — he’s getting a divorce because he was cheating and his wife found out. Which she deserved.  Not telling somebody that their spouse is cheating on them is a *real* a**hole move.