AITA for refusing to plan my son/DIL wedding because my future DIL is always late?

A Reddit user recently shared their dilemma about refusing to plan their son’s wedding due to concerns about their future daughter-in-law’s chronic lateness.

As a retired wedding planner, the user had previously organized their daughter’s wedding but found the future daughter-in-law’s habitual tardiness—at least 30 minutes late consistently—to be a significant issue.

Despite the future daughter-in-law attributing her lateness to cultural differences, the user felt it would be disrespectful to their time, especially considering the number of meetings required for planning the wedding.

This decision upset both their son and future daughter-in-law, who believe the user is being unfair. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for refusing to plan my son/DIL wedding because my future DIL is always late?’

I am just retired and I was a wedding planner. My son and my future DIL asked me if I would plan their wedding since I have the experience. I did plan my daughter’s wedding. I told them no and when asked why I told both of them that it is due to my future DIL lateness habit.

She claims it is a cultural difference and everyone in her family is late. This is true, they are always 30 minutes or more late and it drives me insane. I know she would be the person I would met up with often for this.

The wedding would need many met ups and I am not willing to sit around waiting for her or my son. Not to mention all the business appointments that I do not want to be embarrassed at when she is late.

I have talked to her about the lateness before and nothing has changed, she was literally late for my birthday dinner about a month ago. I have also talked to my son and he sides with her. I am not willing to tell her an earlier time since she is an adult and overall her lateness is disrespectful to me and my time

I explained the reasoning above and they were pissed. My son was upset since I won’t giver her a chance and I did plan his sisters. My DILs is pissed since i told her she is the reason I won’t. Personally she has proven over and over again she won’t be on time so I don’t even want to try with this. AITA?

Check out how the community responded:

Stranger0nReddit −  NTA. Why would you want to help when they don’t respect your time? Of course, you could agree, tell them a time, and actually plan to show up 45 minutes later so you’re not the one stuck waiting around. Since it’s no big deal to them it shouldn’t bother them.

coastalkid92 −  NTA, you’re spot on here. Habitual lateness is pretty rude on a whole and unless they want to hand the wedding completely off to you with 0 input, they will need to be involved and have respect for your time. Nothing up until this point has given you the indication that she’ll be on time.

sour_lemons −  Info: when you told your son and DIL the reason, what was her reaction? Did she make any promises not to be late to her wedding appts if you planned it for her?

Pretzelmamma −  a cultural difference. Out of curiosity where is she from? I cant think of a single culture offhand where habitually keeping people waiting is the norm.

Tangerine_Bouquet −  NTA. This ‘cultural difference’ isn’t one to respect; she can be on time to a doctor’s appointment, for example, right? She is an adult and is disrespecting you. You do not owe her further opportunities to do so.

They can hire a wedding planner, who may or may not put up with that lateness.You could say no for any reason, actually. It’s their wedding, they asked you a favor, and you declined.

catskilkid −  NTA – They are asking you to do a favor. This is a favor that encompasses YOUR profession. Obviously if they got a wedding planner they would have to pay for it. The disrespect from your future DIL has been consistent and you have informed them about it.

Their decision is not to try and improve THEIR behavior, but shame you into accepting her boorish and inconsiderate behavior on you. It’s not like you could place a penalty fee on her for being late….

You know they would not pay it. They want you as a free punching bag and DON”T care. Yes this sucks, but this S**K would not compare to the issues you right bring up that inevitably would occur.

KrofftSurvivor −  NTA – There isn’t really a good way to ~trial run~ planning a wedding. She might manage to be on time at first, but if this has been her habit for years, she isn’t going to change.

Then when she slides back into her normal pattern, you’re stressed, your vendors are annoyed, and if you quit you’ll get ~you’re ruining our wedding~. It’s better to have them annoyed for a while until they find the right planner than to go through months of stress & hassle that could lead to long term issues in the relationship.

plantprinses −  No, not at all. Your DIL is pissed because she fucked around and found out, so to speak. Actions have consequences, even for DIL’s. You’re experienced enough to assess what would happen if you did take on this job.

Most likely, familial relations would become severely damaged and, you being the mother of the groom, would not have a minute to enjoy this event.

excel_pager_420 −  As someone who is also – was also – not punctual, NTA. This is reasonable. I would send a text, something in writing, making clear that as you are retired, you do not want to end your career sabotaging your contacts in the industry by having family arrive late to meetings.

You could trust your daughter not to embarrass you professionally. You cannot trust your DIL. Is there a gesture you can give them to smooth this over?

Draw up a wedding planning timetable for them, with dates of when they should have certain things booked, list of suggested vendors to contact, approximate price points, all suited to their budget and ideas? A document you can hand over that takes little work from your end but would be immensely useful?

4th_chakra −  She claims it is a cultural difference and everyone in her family is late. That may be a family thing, but she made the choice to continue the behavior. She’s not subject to instincts, like a bird that gets the urge to migrate, or build a nest every spring: she’s an adult, with full agency over her life.

While she is digging in her heels about this, your son is the one who loses here. It’s his future wife’s behavior that is causing family friction. So much so, that you have rightfully chosen to not plan their wedding. This should be a wake-up call for him.. NTA

Do you think the user’s refusal to plan the wedding due to their future daughter-in-law’s lateness is justified, or is it an overreaction? How would you approach a similar situation with family dynamics involved? Share your thoughts below!