AITA for telling my sister that it is her fault that she missed our grandfather’s funeral?

A man (26M) told his sister (22F) it wasn’t appropriate to bring her girlfriend to their grandfather’s funeral due to family tensions. While supportive of his sister’s relationship, he warned her it might cause drama.

She insisted on bringing her girlfriend, saying she needed her for support, and when he advised against it, she decided not to attend. After the funeral, she expressed regret about missing it, which led him to say it was her fault for prioritizing drama. This caused another fight, leaving their relationship strained. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for telling my sister that it is her fault that she missed our grandfather’s funeral?’

My (26M) grandfather recently passed away after suffering from Alzheimer’s for years. While it was sad, I knew he would be happier wherever he was going. During the planning of his funeral, my sister and I discussed who would attend, and she mentioned bringing her girlfriend.

I’ve always been openly supportive of my sister (22F) and her relationship, but our family isn’t. They haven’t met her girlfriend and aren’t wanting to, so I didn’t think it was a good idea. When I told my sister that bringing her girlfriend to the funeral would cause drama, she got upset.

She said she doesn’t feel “safe” without her girlfriend there. I offered to stay with her during the entire service if she felt uncomfortable around certain family members, but she insisted on bringing her girlfriend. She said they are engaged, so her girlfriend is basically family whether others like it or not.

I told her it seemed like she just wanted drama and that if she felt she had to bring her girlfriend, she might as well not go because the funeral wasn’t about her and her girlfriend but about our grandfather.

My sister got very emotional, which made me feel bad, but I didn’t think a funeral was the place to introduce her girlfriend to the family. My sister left and ended up not attending the funeral.It’s been almost a week since the funeral, and I called my sister to check on her since we hadn’t spoken much since our disagreement.

She wanted to know about our grandfather’s service, so I recapped everything. Then she started getting upset and saying she wished she could have been there. This made me angry because she could have been there, so I explained she chose not to attend because she wanted to bring someone to intentionally cause drama.

This turned into another argument, and her girlfriend ended up taking her phone and hanging up on me, throwing in a jab about me being a bad brother. I feel like I could have handled the situation better, but I tried to offer countless solutions to my sister. AITA?

See what others had to share with OP:

IrrelevantManatee −  YTA. Your sister didn’t create drama. Your family, and you, did. Your sister is just who she is and wanted to attend an event with her partner. What ruined it is the fact that you cared more about protecting the feelings of bigots and homophobes instead of caring for your own sister.
Your sister has every right to be pissed at you.

bookrants −  NTA. And I’m gay. LOL. I know homophobes s**k, but y’all, pick your f**king battles. If OP’s sister thinks standing up for her gf is more important to her than showing up at her grandfather’s funeral, then good for her! I, too, would have made that choice.

But to then act as if she were somehow prevented from showing up when she wasn’t is childish.

DJ_Too_Supreme_AITA −  YTA. You prevented your sister from going to this funeral to protect the feelings of your h**ophobic family? OP, defending people who are h**ophobic is just as bad as being one yourself.

Your sister’s fiancée clearly is her support and was willing to be there but you think she was going to cause drama? Your family was going to cause drauma.
I’ve always been openly supportive of my sister and her relationship . If that was the case then why are you worried abour the opinions of your family?

She might as well not go because the funeral wasn’t about her and her girlfriend but about our grandfather. This is true, then your family should have the same mindset and not cause drauma at his funeral OP. EDIT: I missed the fact that she said they are enagaged. So you can’t even call her fiancèe that title? Also, I changed the title from girlfriend to fiancée

CalicoHippo −  I’m going to get down voted, but I do actually agree that bringing new bf/gf to a family thing like a funeral would have likely been seem as “disrespectful”, especially given that OP says they are h**ophobic.

The sister could have come to the funeral, she could have come by herself, or her gf could have waited somewhere else, so they could meet up after. OP is NTA for suggesting what he did.

NapalmAxolotl −  YTA. You claim you’re supportive, but apparently that doesn’t mean supporting her in front of the family. You’re acting complicit in their bigotry when you should have your sister’s back.

Butterfl_Blue0324 −  NTA. It’s a time & a place & a funeral was not it

No-Investigator-845 −  NTA. I will preface this with an admission, I’m gay and have unsupportive family. This has nothing to do with keeping the unsupportive family happy, but respecting the grandfather’s memory by not creating a scene at his funeral, and respecting the fiance by not forcing them into a hostile situation because you feel “unsafe”.

Using this moment, a solemn, sad moment of breflection, grief, and loss to introduce your new partner/gf/wife to your family is s**fish. Not only after you putting your partner in an awkward spot having to not only introduce themselves to hostile people, but support you through a grieving process.

It really does feel like she is using this opportunity for her own gain rather than respecting your grandfather’s memory. She disrespected her girlfriend by expecting her to attend the funeral of a man she never met, and face off against people who are hostile towards them.

She complained and was fishing for a response that aligned with her expectations. She didn’t get it. In the end she chose to not attend because she couldn’t get her own way.

Impossible_Rain_4727 −  YTA: It is s**tty to attribute her motivation to a desire to intentionally cause drama, rather than simply have support from her partner during a difficult time. I’ve always been openly supportive of my sister – No you haven’t been, otherwise you would have supported the decision she made.

I tried to offer countless solutions to my sister*” – No, you did not. What do you think the word ‘countless’ means? You gave her one option to attend – come alone or don’t come.

Ha1rBall −  NTA. The service was about your grandfather. Not your sister.

[Reddit User] −  YTA, and your family are bigots. Congratulations on confirming that you are also a bigot to your sister. Excluding her partner was cr@ppy and offensive – she would not cause drama. Only the bigots would cause drama – maybe the bigots shouldn’t have been invited.

Could this situation have been handled differently? Was he right to discourage her from attending with her partner, or should she have stood her ground? Share your thoughts below!