AITA for opening my (M28) girlfriend’s (F27) gift that she did not want to open?
A Reddit user shared his dilemma about his girlfriend’s reluctance to open a birthday gift from his parents. Although she thanked them initially, she delayed opening it, saying she felt pressured. After a week, he decided to open the gift for her, thinking it would ease the tension, but his girlfriend became upset. Was he wrong to step in, or was her reaction too strong? Read the full story below.
‘ AITA for opening my (M28) girlfriend’s (F27) gift that she did not want to open?’
My girlfriend recently had a birthday. We had a small get together at our apartment but my girlfriend feels uncomfortable opening gifts in front of people because of the pressure and all of our friends know that. She opened them privately that evening.
Two days later my parents’ gift arrived. My parents are on the wealthy side and bought her a designer handbag she had been openly admiring the last time we visited. They had purchased the bag that weekend and had been saving it for her birthday. She responded a thank you before she opened it and “would let them know” when she did.
The box sat on our dresser for about two days before my parents sent a text wondering if she had opened it yet. I asked her when she would open the gift and she just shrugged and said “soon”. I was also really excited to see her open this gift, I knew that it was something she really wanted.
A few more days passed, my parents checked in again about whether she had opened the gift. At this point, my girlfriend came to me and asked if I could tell my parents to back off, as she was feeling too much pressure around opening the gift and it was making her not want to open it. I admit that I have never really understood this, and I told her that I didn’t get why she wouldn’t open it.
My parents weren’t there and all it would require is a thank you text at the very least to acknowledge it. To me, it was the exact same as our friends leaving the party before opening her gifts. She got really frustrated with me and said “you just don’t get how uncomfortable it makes me”.
About a week after the gift arrived, my parents texted me outside of our group chat and asked if she liked the bag. I told them she still had not opened the gift. They asked me if they had made her uncomfortable, if they had overstepped in any way or something.
They’ve gotten her gifts before that have never gone over like this, I truly did not understand why she was not opening it, and at this point I thought it was border line rude to not open it and acknowledge the gift. She went out with her friends yesterday evening and I opened the box for her, displayed the bag on the dresser so that the pressure of opening it was removed and we could just move on.
I really thought I was doing her a favor and ending this awkward situation. When she got home and saw it she was pissed. She said she had guessed it was the bag she had wanted and felt awkward knowing it was an expensive gift and that she did not feel comfortable opening it yet.
I tried to explain that she was being a bit rude putting it off, but she said it was more rude of me to open it for her. We went to bed shortly after and she was very short with me this morning. The bag is still sitting on the dresser where I left it.. So, AITA? TLDR my girlfriend felt uncomfortable opening and expensive gift so I opened it for her and she got upset with me
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
Curious-One4595 − ESH, but mostly your girlfriend. It is reasonable for people to not want to open gifts in front of other people. There is an element of social pressure there, and a courtesy-induced need to pretend to like it even if it misses the mark.
However, refusing to open a gift in the privacy of one’s home is not reasonable, and may be indicative of deeper issues which should be resolved through professional assistance. Your girlfriend should recognize that her gift-opening anxiety has gone beyond healthy limits and she should explore why since, minor as it is, it is likely to continue interfering with her significant relationships.
As for you, OP, you should not have opened it. You should simply explained to your parents that your girlfriend has gift-opening anxiety and not to take it personally, and to be patient. If your girlfriend expresses to you that the gift was too expensive, pass that on gently so they can adjust their gift-giving next time.
dart1126 − NTA. Very weird. Why would she refuse to open it in the privacy of your own home? And it sounds like days have passed since her birthday so wasn’t like the ‘I want to wait for my official birthday to open it’ which I could understand. I completely understand you opening it out of frustration, especially because it was from your parents and you knew what it was.
Generally speaking though I would consider that not cool but man this whole situation is weird and I don’t blame you one bit. But in this case you had every reason to believe she was never gonna f**king open it because why didn’t she?!?
Knowing your parents are wondering and waiting and naturally expecting a thank you… For her to deprive everyone of that is weird and so rude I can’t even express it properly. Tell her if gifts make her that uncomfortable she just made every birthday anniversary Groundhog Day that much easier because forget it she’s way too high maintenance and weird.
forgeris − NTA, if my gf wouldn’t open my parents gifts I would tell her that I will tell my parents to never gift anything to her if it makes her so uncomfortable that it affects my relationship and she doesn’t deserve anything from them because she doesn’t appreciate it. Then will return the gift to my parents (or to store if parents don’t need it) and tell them big thanks for trying.
I would also require an explanation what exactly is happening in my gf mind and why she felt anxious so in future I could protect her mind, or if she can’t explain it and keeps acting like ungrateful b**t in other instances then just drop her, I hate people who create problems from nothing and this is a problem sucked out of her finger. It is very hard to live with such people as they will create drama from pretty much everything.
Unlikely-Ending − I’m going to gently suggest that your girlfriend get counseling. I don’t know her background, I’m only speaking from my experience, but when you grow up struggling, it’s hard to come to terms with your life when that’s no longer the case.
When my husband finally finished school and started working his way up through the company, every raise paid off a little more of our debt. And then suddenly, in our 40s and right as our son was entering high school, we owned a house.
I installed cameras inside and out and hit an alarm system and every kind of insurance you can think of for this house. But if someone knocked on the door and told me that this was all a mistake, and this house wasn’t really mine and I needed to leave, I would 100% believe them.
Because deep inside, I’m still that poor, struggling kid/teenager/young adult/new mom, that didn’t have enough food, that moved around a lot, that maxed out credit cards so I had enough in my bank account to pay bills and could NEVER afford nice things.
Your girlfriend may have imposter syndrome. It may make her feel like she’s not good enough to own something that nice. Like she doesn’t deserve it.
Opening it for her didn’t change that. It just highlighted it.
External-Sympathy-47 − NTA. So much drama over presents. GF needs to get over herself.
Fresh_Sector3917 − She’s so uncomfortable that she can’t open gifts in front of people but she’s not uncomfortable having a party to receive gifts? She’s got problems.
[Reddit User] − NTA Your girlfriend has a very weird hang up about gifts to the point of rudeness. Does she need a therapist or something to get over this because it strikes me as bizarre and childish.
Strict_Research_1876 − Girlfriend is very rude. When someone takes the time to purchase and send a gift, you need to open it and thank them for it. If you do not want any gifts from them let them know so they don’t waste their time on her in the future.
Cool-Limit192 − I’m surprised not many people have said this already, but I’m saying YTA for a specific thing. She mentioned specifically that she was uncomfortable because she knew it was an expensive gift. You also mentioned that your parents have given her similar gifts, so it’s a pattern. Have you at all considered that she’s uncomfortable (like she has said) receiving said gifts?
I’m a bit confused. You all know she gets uncomfortable receiving gifts. So why are you getting her expensive things, knowing how she feels? It just doesn’t make sense to me. I feel like there’s a super easy fix and it’s just not getting her expensive gifts.
upfrontagency1 − Probably will get downvoted to hell but:. YTA. It seems like you don’t really understand your girlfriend. There are people who are feeling indebted as soon as they are receiving a gift and they feel the need to repay the debt by gifting something of similar value.
This happens more often with poor people as money is more present as a topic in their everyday life. Your gf seems to be of that kind. Receiving a present of a value she would not be able to repay would likely put some pressure on her. Not knowing what to do about it she left the present in the package to postpone the inevitable as far as possible.
You forced her to face the unpleasantness of to be burdened with a debt she probably would not be able to pay back. Your parents could reach out to clarify that this present is not defining a new standard but is a mere appreciation of how lovely they think she is. If you are wealthy you have to think twice about the presents you give.
Do you think it was reasonable for him to open the gift to relieve some pressure, or should he have waited until she was ready? How would you handle a situation like this with a partner’s gift? Share your thoughts!
