AITA for refusing to allow one of my wife’s best friends on her surprise 30th birthday weekend away?
A Redditor planned a surprise 30th birthday getaway for their wife, inviting close friends to keep costs low and make it special. However, one friend refused to chip in, suggesting she’d only stay part of the time to save money, even though the place is booked for the weekend.
The Redditor decided it wasn’t fair to let her use the space for free, leading to tension and the friend’s angry departure from the group chat. Now, they’re wondering if they handled it right. Read on for the full story!
‘ AITA for refusing to allow one of my wife’s best friends on her surprise 30th birthday weekend away?’
Hi everyone! My wife is 30 years old in October this year and I set up a WhatsApp group and invited 7 of our friends in to arrange a couple of nights away as a surprise. As many in the group are struggling for money, I’ve tried to keep it as cheap as possible.
Most places I found online were too expensive, however I found a suitable place in both facilities and price and booked it. The only negative I suppose is that it isn’t far away at all – but we just intend to stay at the accomodation and use the hot tub they have and the decent sized table to play games. Everyone, bar one, is happy to pay.
Even though it is close by, it is still a weekend free of kids and has a hot tub – something none of us have. This one friend though, wants to get a taxi to and from on the first night then drive the second. Now, AITA for saying no?
The rest of us have paid x amount for the use of the facilities and use of the house, but she wants to get it for free basically, and justify it by not stay over. I said in the group that I can’t have that, it’s not fair on the rest of us. She asked if I was being serious and I said I was.
She flipped, said it’s not fair and that she would do something separate and quit the group. She’s then messaged me reiterating how unfair I’ve been and that I’ve singled her out infront of everyone. She says she can’t afford it and that my wife will want her to be there.
Now I’ve got it on good advice that she has thousands in savings and far more disposable income than anyone else in the group, so her saying she can’t afford it is utter garbage to me. She says I’ve made her upset, feel like crap and she’s been crying about it. Now AITA for firstly telling her she can’t come based on the above, then also sticking to my guns about it?
What’s more, I play fortnite with her and my wife on a team, and this is going to mess things about. I think it’s going to make it very hard to keep it a surprise to my wife going forward. End of the say she was wanting use of the house and facilities and not to pay for it and I’ve said she’s not coming if she’s not paying.
See what others had to share with OP:
RelevantSchool1586 − NTA. It’s implied that the outing is only possible if everyone agrees to split the bill, as OP alone won’t be able to pay for it. It makes absolute no sense that one person alone says everyone but her should pay up. It’d be the same as going to a hotel to use all facilities all day but refuse to pay because you won’t be sleeping in the room
Phoenix612 − NTA. She’s willing to spend money on two taxi rides, and then gas money instead of contributing towards the rental? That doesn’t make sense. Does she not want to spend the night? Is there enough rooms for everyone?
Kasparian − Look, I don’t think you’re necessarily an a**hole, though the discussion should have happened privately and not in the group chat. Since she wouldn’t have been staying the night, you could have just asked her to pitch in a smaller amount for using the hot tub and contributing to food/drink she’d have while there.
Basically like buying a pool pass. Now I’ve got it on good advice that she has thousands in savings and far more disposable income than anyone else in the group, so her saying she can’t afford it is utter garbage to me.
Hearsay is always totally true. Even if she does have that, you don’t get to dictate how she spends her money. You’re being petty over something that was easily solvable. Especially if your wife would want this woman at the party that is for her.
Neutral_Guy_9 − NTA .If she wants to play she needs to pay. I’m also going to sound a little e**itled by (assuming your friend group is in their late 20’s/ early 30’s ) saying that they should all be able to afford a split “staycation”
If the friend just wanted to “stop by” one of the days then I would say you’re being a stingy AH. but this woman is trying to travel on BOTH days for this event. That is the part that really annoys me.
wonderfulkneecap − NAH — I don’t think you’re the a**hole, but I don’t think she’s the a**hole either. Look, you might have it on good authority that she has lots saved and tons of disposable income — but you don’t really know the truth of her financial situation.
What if she’s got an ill parent, or she’s saving for IVF, or she fell asleep at the wheel three years ago and is paying for her victim to learn how to walk again? You see her as free-loading. And I don’t know her. Maybe she is! But it sounds like she’s a good friend of your wife, and she wants to hang out and celebrate her.
Can you invite a seventh person, so that the rest of you aren’t burdened by her essentially coming but not paying? Can she cook for the group, or contribute in another way? You sound like a good boyfriend, and I really hope drama doesn’t ruin this awesome surprise!
JurassicParkFood − NTA – she discussed cheaping out publicly, so you replying publicly may not be sensitive, but it’s what she set up. Maybe her paying half to contribute to food or drinks would be a better compromise than a “no”, but she brought this situation on herself
ExcellentFoundation6 − NTA but there’s a chance your wife might think you are. I think your argument is fair though when everyone else is paying why wouldn’t they all just drop out and do the same.
rak1882 − NTA But I’d probably have told her that was fine- the price for her was still $X for the weekend. The cost didn’t change whether you stayed over or not. Whether you came for one night or two.. It’s just whether you opt to come. But that you and your wife understand if the numbers don’t work for her.
Maleficent-Sport1970 − 10 bucks says they’d end up sleeping on a couch…too tired or drunk…. NTA. Stand your ground.
meekonesfade − INFO- did you check the price point with everyone?
Do you think it was reasonable to ask the friend to pay even if she didn’t stay over, or was it unfair given her circumstances? How would you handle planning a group trip like this? Share your thoughts below!
