AITA For Being The Reason Why My Brother Has Stopped Showering?

A Redditor shares their frustration about sibling dynamics and personal space in their household. At 16, they have taken responsibility for their own cleanliness, especially in the shower they’ve maintained for a year.

When their 13-year-old brother announces he wants to use their shower instead of the family bathroom, tensions arise. Despite their parents siding with the Redditor, the brother has now stopped showering altogether, leaving the Redditor feeling guilty.

Is wanting to preserve a personal space in a shared home unreasonable, or is the brother’s hygiene neglect a bigger issue? Read the original story below to explore the complexities of sibling relationships and the struggles of maintaining personal boundaries.

‘ AITA for being the reason why my brother has stopped showering?’

I (16F) live with my only brother (13M) and our parents. My brother has never been the most clean person, and while his bedroom is very neat and organized, he constantly leaves his trash and toys throughout our family’s kitchen and living room.

There are almost always Legos covering the floor and furniture, despite having a whole Lego studio set up in our basement for him. The mess is extremely aggravating to me as I already have pretty bad anxiety. It is annoying because I am the only person who it bothers so I am the only person left to pick it up.

Last week, my brother announced to me that he was going to start showering in my shower. For context, we have two showers in our house, one in my parent’s bedroom’s bathroom and one in the only other bathroom, which I currently have been the only one using for the past year.

The whole family used to only use the shower in our parents bathroom because it is much bigger and nicer, however last year I cleaned up the other shower and bought shelves for it, in order for me to start using it as my shower.

While is sounds stupid, this is the only place I have to myself (besides my room), that is not covered with my brother’s junk, I actually take care of it and clean it every week. Also I have a decent sized collection of body washes, that I have bought with my own money from my job.

When I heard that he wanted to start using this space, I felt a little upset, as this shower is pretty important to me (yes I know it sounds stupid). My parents sided with me after telling them, as they said that he can keep using the shower in their bathroom that he has been for the past 5 or 6 years.

Now he hasn’t showered for the past few days and I am starting to feel bad. However I just want one space to myself, since he gets to trash our entire house with his large Lego collection and toys.

And I simply don’t have time to have more to clean up since I play two sports, go to school and work, and he doesn’t ever feel obligated to clean despite not really doing anything besides going to school, playing with Legos and watching tv. Am I the a**hole?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Express_Review_6420 −  NTA. If he’s been using the other shower for the past 5/6 years, there’s no reason you should have to allow him to switch to yours. I think you should stand your ground and protect your space; as for him not showering, that’s a problem for your parents to handle. Not showering is his personal choice, you’re not at fault at all.

Swirlyflurry −  YTA. You live in a 2 bathroom house with 3 other people. Why should they all have to share a bathroom so you can have one to yourself?

Especially since it’s *your parent’s bathroom.* You know, the people who pay for the bathrooms (and the rest of the house)? Why should they have to share so you can have a bathroom for yourself?

You also complain about not having a space that is just yours – but you have more space than anyone else in the house. You have a bedroom and bathroom all to yourself, which is more than even your parents have. They have a 13 year old going through their bedroom to use their bathroom all the time.

Ok_Lunch8763 −  Is the your shower room an ensuite or do you have to go to the hallway to access it, if its an ensuite shower Nta but if its in the hallway YTA, you cant claim a shower room of its not an ensuite

Surosnao −  Ultimately the deciding factor here is your parents. If they’re on your side, and they are, then NTA. They’ve agreed that because of the amount of effort you have put in to that bathroom, it’s yours. Your little brother engaging in a hygiene strike doesn’t change that, and you shouldn’t feel ashamed of his petulance.

annotatedkate −  NTA. He seems to be on strike because he wants to come and use your nice, clean space. I’m glad to hear that your parents seem to know what’s up. 

It’s a pretty 101 level manipulation tactic, this showering strike. You’re feeling uncomfortable and doubtful because that’s why he’s doing it hahaha. Don’t give in!

motherfuckerjane −  To everyone saying shes TA because its “not her bathroom” , did everyone miss the part where she’s the one that cleans it? She made it nice? Thats the only reason he even wants to use it, because he’s too lazy to clean his own damn shower.

AND her parents agreed, so bro is throwing a tantrum to manipulate his sister. If the genders were reversed here, everyone would be saying NTA 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Kris82868 −  NTA. You are the excuse he’s using for not showering, not a legitimate reason. He can always do what he did before and use the other shower.

bloodfartz_ −  Ugh. That’s a similar situation to me. I had moved back in w my parents after a breakup and completely redid what was my brothers bathroom. (It was disgusting, covered in p**s and dirt) and the shower was unusable.

We all showered in the master shower. My older brother also moved home and was using my parents shower for a bit but then he started using my bathroom that I worked so hard to be a space where I could get clean and get ready.

He jacked off in the shower, pissed on the floor, and left his things/toothpaste everywhere. I was so f**king grossed out I switched showers but I am so ANGRY that I spent all the time and money to make it nice.

NTA. you deserve that space since you made it your own and your parents agree. It’s their house and they have the power to decide so ignore everyone here that’s saying “it’s a communal space.” Your parents said it’s not. Also, your brother is being very m**ipulative at a young age. Please don’t give in. You’ll just teach him that’s okay.. GL OP!

1porridge −  I cleaned up the other shower and bought shelves for it, in order for me to start using it as my shower. While is sounds stupid, this is the only place I have to myself (besides my room), that is not covered with my brother’s junk, I actually take care of it and clean it every week.

Also I have a decent sized collection of body washes, that I have bought with my own money from my job. And I simply don’t have time to have more to clean up since I play two sports, go to school and work, and he doesn’t ever feel obligated to clean despite not really doing anything besides going to school, playing with Legos and watching tv.

This is exactly why you’re NTA. Everyone saying you’re in the wrong is completely ignoring the fact that he wasn’t interested in it before you basically renovated it all by yourself with your own money and it seems pretty obvious that he won’t take care of it. Which means you’d have to spend even more time and money and effort on cleaning up after your brother if he uses your shower.

Lots of people here also genuinely think that “he doesn’t want to use the parents shower anymore because he’s at that age when boys start jerking off in the shower” and I just want to say that y’all are f**king INSANE. Like how tf do you think that’s a good argument for making his sister share her shower with him?

Like she wouldn’t have any issues with him doing that in the shower and presumably NOT CLEANING UP AFTERWARDS??? I don’t give a f**k that he’s starting puberty, wanting to mastrubate in a shower is NOT f**king important enough to completely disregard all the effort OP put into renovating the shower and keeping it clean.

Aside from how fucked up it is to say “oh the shower is important to you because it’s the only space that you feel belongs to you because your brother trashes the entire rest of the house? Well tough s**t, your brother wants to mastrubate so you have to let him use your shower and trash that too”

OsSansPepins −  NTA I don’t understand how people are voting Y T A it’s like they don’t know how to read. You went out of your way to make the second bathroom usable.

Sounds like your brother is spoiled in some weird ways tbh. He keeps his room neat but trashes the rest of the house. He has an entire play room but leaves all his toys literally everywhere but that room.

I would stop cleaning up after him personally but it sounds like that’s not really possible with your anxiety. Consider collecting all his stuff and dumping it in his room. Maybe that can work with your anxiety as the mess won’t be in aa common area you have to access. He needs to learn to be thoughtful of common spaces and other people.