AITA for telling my fiancé he can’t have the kitchen he wants?

A Redditor shared a dilemma about her fiancé wanting to spend half of a monetary gift from his parents on kitchen appliances for their new house, which is largely funded by her parents. Although her fiancé, the primary cook in the relationship, was excited about upgrading the kitchen, her parents argued that the money could be better spent elsewhere, dampening his enthusiasm.

The Redditor now feels torn between her fiancé’s desires and her parents’ wishes. Read the full story below to see how the situation unfolded.

‘ AITA for telling my fiancé he can’t have the kitchen he wants?’

My parents have given us money for a deposit on a new house. We aren’t well off and our rent is creeping higher and higher so my parents came up with the idea and are basically fronting everything to do with the house but we will be paying the mortgage.

My fiancés parents have given him 5k towards the house and up until this point he felt like he had no say in the build because he couldn’t contribute. But now he’s been given the money he wanted to spend half of it on kitchen appliances. Fridge/freezer, washing machine and cooker. He is the cook in the relationship.

My parents blew up and said that was ridiculous and that the money would be better spent elsewhere. This was the first time he had shown full excitement about the house and now I feel like the fire inside him has died. I don’t know what to do, I want him to feel as excited as I do.
I should add that he is currently waiting on a autism assessment so sometimes once he has his mind set on something it’s very hard to get him to see a different point of view, hence why I’m asking you lovely people for some advice!

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Traditional-Day1140 −  NTA but your parents sure are. They gave you a gift with strings attached. They should have no say how the money his parents gave him is spent. Are they always controlling? I truly hope you told your parents to mind their own business.

Patient_Meaning_2751 −  2k for all of those appliances? That is completely reasonable. This is what appliances cost now. Your parents are out of touch. What are they expecting you to do, cook over a campfire and wash your clothes in the creek?

RoyallyOakie −  NAH..At least not you or your fiancé. People are allowed to want what they want. You simply talk it out. Your parents have zero say. They’re either gifting you the money or they aren’t. How dare they “blow up” at him when it will be HIS home too.

FuzzyMom2005 −  YTA. This is money HIS parents gave him. YOUR parents have no say so in how either of you spend your money. If you and your fiancé want to spend the money on quality appliances, you do. YOU need to tell your parents to back off.

TrainingDearest −  YTA. Y*our parents don’t HAVE a ‘side.*’ How someone else spends their own money is not something they get a ‘say’ in. Even giving unsolicited advice is in poor taste, let alone blowing up about it.

How you spend their gift is between you and them (since you seem to be okay with their heavy-handed ‘advice’); but what your fiance does with the money from his parents is really none of their business and not something you should be discussing with them – since they cannot seem to stay in their own lane. There’s no need to argue anything with them as the matter is not even OPEN to them.

Historical_Job5480 −  YTA. 2k on new appliances is a drop in the bucket when it comes to home ownership. Do your parents already dislike him? I would tread very carefully when accepting this “gift”. They clearly think it means they are e**itled to be decision makers in the situation. 

You are the one who needs a different point of view, not him. Your partner should mean more to you than your parents and now they are telling him he can’t spend money his parents gave to him. I’d look at renting for a few more years and saving to buy a house of your own, because this plan is really just living in your parents house with extra steps.

Notdoingitanymore −  YTA. He’s the chef. And equal partner contributing what he can. Having quality appliances is important and saves money over its lifetime due to repairs and stress. You either your husband’s wife or your parents daughter. The spouse in this scenario is always first

dudleymunta −  If you are old enough to own your own home and be engaged you are old enough to stop involving your parents in every decision you make. This is nothing to do with them. It’s something your partner really wants – why is this less important to you than what your parents think?

Badusernamethisis −  Why do your parents think they have any say at all how your partner spends the 5k? Of course he feels sidelined, with all the strings on this so called help from your parents you may as well live with them!

This is not your house as a couple as things stand. Advocate for your partner or you may not have a fiancee in future. Your parents are being controlling and you are not stopping them.

No-Leg4864 −  Info:
What is your take on your fiances ideas to upgrade the kitchen of your house? I don’t see why your parents should have a say in how “his” money is spend on the house.