WIBTA for wearing shorts that embarrass my wife and kids?

A Reddit user asks if they would be in the wrong for wearing shorts during a summer camp attended by their wife and children, despite the fact that their wife and kids follow a conservative religious tradition where men don’t wear shorts.

Although the user previously stopped wearing shorts out of respect for his wife’s preferences, they feel it’s uncomfortable to wear pants in hot weather and want to wear knee-length shorts. However, they worry that it might embarrass their family, as they would likely be the only one not in pants. Read the story below to see how the dilemma unfolds.

‘ WIBTA for wearing shorts that embarrass my wife and kids?’

My wife is from a very conservative religious background, where the men do not wear shorts. I came from a religious background, but I left the faith some years ago. I grew up wearing shorts and never thought about it.

After we were married, I guess I stopped wearing shorts in deference to my wife’s preferences – I think the change happened slowly and I never really noticed it. But a few years ago, I realized I thought it was silly to be uncomfortable in pants in the hot summer, so I brought back the shorts, which I think was a disappointment to my wife.

I have allowed my kids to choose their own paths, and they have generally adopted my wife’s ways. They go to a religious summer camp, which I have not attended, although they have really wanted me to attend. For reasons, this year I decided to attend, and my wife went shopping to get me new pants and started telling me why these would be great pants for me to wear at this camp.

It is really hot, and I think it’s silly to be uncomfortable in pants. But, given I will be the only one, it could be embarrassing to my wife and kids. It should be mentioned that my shorts are knee length Carharts, so they’re not daisy dukes. lol.
WIBTA to wear shorts when it could be embarrassing to my wife and kids?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

nefarious_planet −  I won’t call you an AH, and I’m an atheist who thinks religious rules are stupid, but I do generally fall into the camp of “if you’re visiting a space that belongs to a certain community, you should respect their rules.”

So idk exactly how religious this summer camp is, but if it’s analogous to actually going to your wife’s church, I would s**k it up and wear the pants. I’m going with NAH for the specific question about the summer camp.

Literally everywhere else though, hell no, wear the shorts. Your wife is allowed to decide her own behavior based on her religious beliefs, but she is not allowed to decide *your* behavior based on her religious beliefs. 

JustheBean −  Generally speaking, you’re not the a**hole for wearing shorts.
*However*, if you show up to this religious camp in shorts, knowing it is against the cultural standard there and will make others uncomfortable YWBTA.

I’m not religious at all, but if my friend invites me to a religious event and I chose to go, then I go knowing it is my responsibility to be respectful of the beliefs and culture in that space, even if that doesn’t align with my usual preferences.

Again in daily life you absolutely should wear whatever you want. But I think in the specific context of this religious camp you should either be respectful or chose not to go.

LowBalance4404 −  What religion doesn’t allow men to wear shorts????

CrimsonKnight_004 −  You should obviously wear what you’re most comfortable in. Though, since you’re going to a specifically religious summer camp, it could be seen as disrespectful in a way. Like purposefully not wearing the uniform or dress code.

I think you should contact the camp and ask what their policies are on wearing knee-length shorts. If they don’t have a policy against it, I don’t see why your wife or kids would be against it. Making a point of asking will at least show them you’re making the effort to be respectful I think, even if the rule is silly, imo.

subaru_sama −  YWBTA for sending your kids somewhere that you don’t respect the standards of.

The “men don’t wear shorts” concept is utterly silly in my view, so I’d never adhere to it. As such, I wouldn’t send my kids somewhere where they would be forced to adhere to utterly silly restrictions grounded in myth. You did send your kids there, so you should respect their social norms so long as they only diminish your personal experience and don’t harm others.

Wise_Friendship2565 −  YTA – you have to pick one, can’t have both. Either wear shorts and don’t attend camp, or attend camp and wear pants while there.

BrokenManSyndrome −  I think YWBTA. People on reddit are all about your own personal choice and who cares what other people say, you have the right to decide for yourself. That’s all fine and dandy… If you’re single. But you are not, you are married to a woman who I assume you love. You married her knowing she was religious and conservative.

You know the function you are going to is a religious and conservative function and has a dress code. To go and not abide by the dress code is an a**hole thing to do, and it will just embarass and disrespect your wife and her religious views. If you feel like you wearing shorts is more important than supporting your wife, then go ahead. Or you could just not go, that’s an option too.

Imagine if a woman went to a wedding that wasn’t hers wearing white because it’s a lot cooler temp wise and she feels more comfortable in it. That would be a gross violation of the dress code and she would be the a**hole. Well, same here. Just because people on reddit don’t respect religion doesn’t make it ok to disrespect religious people at their own function.

anondogfree −  YWBTA for wearing shorts at this religious summer camp when it’s not religiously/socially accepted.
Y T A for sending your kids off to a “summer camp” with religious zealots.

If you are genuinely allowing them to choose their own path, that involves ~not brainwashing them~ and giving them your perspective on things (why you aren’t religious, why other people aren’t, why many people have different faiths and or don’t believe in a god/gods) and alternative options of activities/friends when the only option is the local youth group.

Purlz1st −  I grew up with fundamentalist dress codes. The o**ession with external appearances is one of the reasons so many teens rebel so hard.

If there’s something going on between your knees and ankles that could cause someone to lose their religion then dammit, junior, this little old lady needs to see it!!

InevitableBudget4868 −  NTA, I would personally go with the daisy dukes and really give them something to be embarrassed about. It’s your duty as a father.