AITA for not letting my daughter go to her friends house?

A Reddit user shares their experience of refusing to let their 17-year-old daughter sleep over at a friend’s house because the friend’s parents would be away for the week. Despite the daughter’s insistence that she can be trusted, and even her aunt siding with her, the parent stood firm, unsure if their decision was too strict or justified. Read the story below to see how things unfolded.

‘ AITA for not letting my daughter go to her friends house?’

Using a throw away for this. But anyways, my daughter (17f) has been asking her father and I all weekend to go to her friend’s (17f) house. Now usually I always say yes to this as long as I know what the address is.

But she was asking to have a sleepover at this friend’s house. However, the friend’s parents are apparently not home for the next week and I told my daughter that I’m uncomfortable with her staying somewhere overnight where there will be no parent.

My daughter became upset with me and said she didn’t understand why I don’t trust her. She then told her aunt about the situation and her aunt took her side and argued with me and my husband about this for a bit over the phone. However I still think I’m reasonable for saying no. I’d just like to consider others input. AITA?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Lizzydeathstar −  Info – She’s 17? Do you not leave her by herself overnight occasionally? 17 is almost a legal adult…if she is trustworthy and responsible I don’t see why this would be an issue as long as the friends parents have Ok’d the company while they’re away?

EsmeWeatherwax7a −  If I knew the other family well, and I knew they were OK with it, and both kids had a long history of being very responsible, I might say yes.It doesn’t sound like you know the other parents, and it’s unclear whether they know they are “hosting” in absentia.

I would not endorse this sleepover. It’s less about trusting your daughter than not putting everyone into a situation where things might get out of hand. NTA. Host the friend at your place, or offer to call the other parents to check their comfort level with the situation.

SavaRox −  INFO. Do you have reason not to trust your daughter or her friend, if they have a history of behaving responsibly, I would say let her go. I had my friend sleep over at my house all the time at that age even when my parents were out for the night or whatever.

But if my daughter or her friend had a history of acting up in the past or had done something in the past that made me distrust them, then I would refuse to let her go also. Is there an issue with maybe a boyfriend coming over or something like that?

SammyWin1983 −  Gentle YTA. She’s 17. Not 7. This sounds really weirdly controlling to me. I’m sure you mean well but your daughter is almost a grown woman.

chris-duck −  YTA. I left to move to another continent at 17, unless you have a specific concern, you’re being overbearing.

Purple_Skelly_dog −  She’s 17. You have an opportunity to let her do this activity with only a slight risk. If she’s done nothing to warrant this lack of trust then this is a great time to start loosening those strings and let her grow up. You can’t hold onto her forever mom. It sucks but it’s the truth.

What is going to change in the next few months (when she turns 18)? You’re going to immediately trust her then?
You can decide if this is an opportunity to let your daughter grow up or if you’re going to be her jailer till she leaves for school.

cheese-2773 −  I think you’re intentions are right, but kind of YTA. There’d need to be some more info.
I personally moved out of my parents’ house for my studies at 17. I can’t imagine not being allowed to spend one night at a friend’s place at that age, unless there is a very legit specific reason for it.

-TipsyQueen- −  YTA, I’m also a parent of a 17 year old daughter, at some point we need to let go a bit. They are going to be legal adults in a year or less. Throwing them out to the wolves with no sort of experience is a terrible idea. Staying alone at a friends house is one of the safest ways for her to start getting accustomed to doing things without her parents hovering over her.

ghostwitharedditacc −  YTA, way too controlling for a 17 year old. You know she’s legally an adult within a year right?
I don’t think you’re doing her any good by being this controlling. You should let up a bit and realize that she’s old enough to make her own decisions.
Does she have a history of putting herself in danger or something? It seems like you’re concerned for no tangible reason, just anxious worries about nothing. What are you actually afraid of?

Separate_Security472 −  Nta. And I think people should include their age when judging this one. I’m 43 and I’m going to see it very differently than a 15 year-old.