AITA for telling my husband he’s no better than his on dad?

When a long-standing issue about parenting roles finally boils over, it can hit like a ton of bricks. In this case, a 35-year-old wife recounts how, after 14 years of marriage and raising twins, she confronted her husband about his persistent lack of meaningful involvement in their kids’ lives.

Despite his early promises of being a hands-on dad—promises fueled by his own difficult childhood—he’s now reduced his role to quick check-ins and providing money. This disconnect led her to tell him, in the heat of a family outing, that he isn’t any better than his own absent father.

Her words cut deep, and the ensuing argument revealed long-buried frustrations about a man who once vowed to be the nurturing presence his children needed. Was she too harsh in comparing him to his own dad, or was this the wake-up call he desperately needed?

‘ AITA for telling my husband he’s no better than his on dad?’

Letting your emotions spill over in a moment of truth can sometimes expose deep-seated issues. Renowned relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman notes, “When one partner consistently fails to engage emotionally and physically with their children, it not only harms the children’s development but also undermines the marital relationship.” Dr. Gottman emphasizes that parenting requires more than financial support—it requires active, involved presence.

In this case, the wife’s candid remark—that her husband is no better than his own absent father—reflects a painful reality: money and occasional check-ins cannot replace genuine time spent together. Dr. Gottman suggests that couples therapy might help address underlying issues of emotional neglect.

By openly discussing expectations and sharing parenting responsibilities, partners can rebuild trust and foster a deeper connection with their children. Clear communication and mutual accountability are key to transforming passive provision into active parenting.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The majority of Reddit users agree that you are NTA. They note that your husband’s behavior—providing money and minimal emotional engagement with the kids—mirrors that of his own absentee father. Many feel your remark, though blunt, was a necessary wake-up call for him to recognize his shortcomings as a parent. Additionally, several commenters suggest that couples counseling could help him develop better parenting skills and foster a deeper connection with your children.