AITA for refusing to switch seats with my girlfriend on a plane to make her more comfortable?

A Reddit user (23M) is questioning if he was wrong for refusing to switch seats with his girlfriend (24F) on a flight, leaving her stuck between two large passengers. Both had middle seats, but the girlfriend’s seat was much more cramped, while the Redditor’s was more comfortable.

Despite knowing she would be uncomfortable, he declined to switch, citing his larger size (6’5″, 220 lbs) as the reason he couldn’t fit in her seat, and thinking it was better that she endure the discomfort since she’s smaller (5’10”, 165 lbs).

After the flight, his girlfriend was upset and distant, and his friends later suggested that switching seats would have been the chivalrous thing to do. Now, the Redditor is wondering if he should have handled the situation differently. Read the full story below to see if he was wrong.

‘ AITA for refusing to switch seats with my girlfriend on a plane to make her more comfortable?’

This past weekend, I 23M and my girlfriend “Julie” 24F took a weekend trip. We’re both students so we had to budget where we could, so we bought basic economy tickets and just took whatever seats they assigned us.They were both middle seats, which was expected, but when we boarded the plane home, it was obvious that one seat was much better than the other.

Julie was assigned to a seat between a morbidly obese man who was spilling into her seat, and a woman on her other side who wasn’t as huge but was still quite big. My seat was next to two normal sized people. The thing is, I’m pretty big–6’5” and 220 with broad shoulders.

Julie isn’t tiny herself–she’s 5’10 and 165–but obviously she’s much smaller than me. Julie immediately asked if we could switch seats, to which I said no. I knew Julie would be uncomfortable in the seats, but I don’t even think I could fit between the passengers on either side of her. After some arguing back and forth, Julie sighed and went to her seat.

I thought it wasn’t a big deal, but Julie was very cold to me when we landed. I offered to get us dinner on the way out but she said her back hurt from the flight and she wanted to lay down. I got the hint that she was upset about the seating arrangement.

I told her it wasn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things and it was only a 2 hour flight, and that it’s better her than me because she’s smaller. She told me to drop it and just drive her home. That night, I went to hang out with some of our mutual friends (Julie had originally planned on coming with too, but she did not come).

They asked where Julie was and I told her she was upset with me. When I told them why, the general consensus was that I should have switched seats with her because it was the chivalrous thing to do, though some people agreed Julie was overreacting.

They said it wasn’t about who was bigger, it was about me protecting my girlfriend. Now I kinda feel like a d**k and like I should apologize. Was I wrong for not switching seats with Julie?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Specialist_Break1676 −  YTA. Not because of the decision you made, but because of this: I told her it wasn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things and it was only a 2 hour flight, and that it’s better her than me because she’s smaller. Alright man, I’m a happily married woman and there’s something you need to understand.

When your partner is upset with you, REGARDLESS of whether or not you actually think you did something wrong, there are three things you NEVER, EVER do: 1. Replace an apology with a cold explanation for your decision 2. Tell them it was not a big deal.. 3. Tell them to calm down.

You did the first two. Once the plane ride was over, there was no need for you to keep defending yourself, but you did. You doubled down on making it clear that you prioritized your comfort over hers – which, given the circumstances, is forgivable, BUT you honestly didn’t seem to acknowledge or validate her discomfort in the slightest here.

Maybe it would have been a nice gesture if you were like “I’m so sorry, I really couldn’t handle sitting there but next time we are in this type of situation, let’s trade off and I’ll take the more uncomfortable option since you put up with it this time!” but instead, you made it pretty clear that your comfort did and will always come first. That’s not only hurtful, but also a huge turn off.

If I were her I’d be less attracted to you after this situation simply because you showed such little remorse and little interest in my comfort in general. If you just care about your own comfort and ego, then I’m gonna go and find a man who can consider my comfort since you don’t seem interested.

savannahkellen −  NTA. It was a randomly assigned seat, her life was not in danger, you were not objectively better suited to fit in there. She can be upset that you’re not “chivalry above all” if that’s what she’s looking for but you could also ask why she’d think that you deserve to be put in that situation instead. The “being super caring and supportive” stuff that people are bringing up should go both ways, no?

If this was presented as “AITA for being upset that my girlfriend forced me to swap seats with her even though it was randomly assigned to her and I’d be equally or more uncomfortable?” – I don’t think anyone would say that you’re the a**hole, so……..

ptauger −  On this one, I won’t weigh in (pun intended) on the NTA/YTA question. I will say this, however. Should this ever happen again, IMMEDIATELY UPON BOARDING, advise the FA that there is no room to sit in your assigned seat because of a COS (Customer of Size). If the COS can’t put the armrest down, he or she will be deboarded.

If the COS can, but is really preventing you from sitting, ask for the Senior or Purser and explain the problem (nicely and calmly) and ask that it be resolved. DO NOT deplane and speak to the GA (Gate Agent), if suggested. You may be able to get a better seat but, most likely, you’ll be told they can book you on a later flight.

TransitionCute6889 −  You weren’t wrong for not switching seats but YTA for dismissing her feelings and saying it wasn’t a big deal because it was only two hours. You knew it was a big deal which is why you didn’t take the seat. You should at least apologize for dismissing her feelings on the situation

flaming_crisis −  YTA Not for not switching seats, but for CREATING a problem. Did I miss the part where Julie actually said that she’s upset with you? It sounds like she had a rough flight, she was tired and when she told you that her back hurt, you told her that “it’s not a big deal and better you than me.”

You don’t even try to empathize, you just make her situation all about you, and she would be 100% justified for being mad about that little gem there, but she wasn’t, she just asked you to drop it. Instead of doing so, you’ve gone around to all your mutual friends talking s**t, haven’t you

When your friends asked where she was, you could’ve just explained that she had a rough flight and was resting, but instead you told them about an issue she ALREADY ASKED YOU TO DROP. So now you’ve created this whole problem in your head, while all I can see is that Julie had a bad flight and wanted to rest afterwards instead of going out.

Sure-Beach-9560 −  INFO: Would she have asked you to switch if the morbidly obese man had been a woman?
Here’s what I’m wondering, whether her discomfort was just physical (being squished) or also psychological – because a man was basically constantly touching her.

Fine-Bit-7537 −  YTA for lecturing her after the flight that it “wasn’t a big deal” and then bringing it up to your friends so they could all decide whether her feelings were reasonable. Let the woman be grumpy about a bad experience in peace. As for giving up the seat…of course you’re not obliged to.

But my husband and I would have each tried to convince the other person to take the more comfortable seat, rather than each trying to take it for ourselves. In our entire 7 year relationship, my husband has never once put his own comfort above mine. I gladly make sacrifices for him too.

She asked you to make a sacrifice for her, and you said no, and that’s your right, but it’s certainly unattractive and you should be aware that she can find someone less s**fish.

cmasontaylor −  NTA for not switching seats. Anyone who says you should have is just being sexist. And if she is in fact canceling plans purely for spite, that’s s**tty and childish on her part. YTA for telling her it’s “not a big deal, just a 2 hour flight.” You don’t get to decide how other people feel about things.

Minimizing how she was impacted sucks. You didn’t want to trade seats, and you didn’t trade seats. You don’t also get to control how she feels about that. If she’s retaliating against you for it, it’s fair to object to the things she does and says to you, but it’s not fair to tell her about her own experiences.

No-Barnacle436 −  YTA for minimizing her discomfort, not for refusing to switch. “I told her is wasnt a big deal in the grand scheme of things and it was only a 2 hour flight” It was obviously a big deal to her, and it was obviously a big enough deal to you to not switch.

You didnt even try, it’s one thing if you try and it just doesnt work, its another not trying at all. Also her being a female, she is most likely more sensative to touch than you as a man. Idk dude. Not switching with her was a very unmanly thing to do. Edit: For those who disagree with the last statement.

1) I am a man, so i am not being e**itled here.
2) Traditionally speaking, it is our job, as men, to protect our families, even if its as small as making sure some strangers fat isnt violating our partner’s boundaries

martinis00 −  YTA. You actually told her was “better you than me”?. And asked why she’s pissed?
I don’t think many women want to be in contact with a random guy touching them entire flight. And it was “only 2 hours”.