AITA For refusing to pay my MIL for babysitting our toddler ?

A Redditor is caught in a disagreement with his mother-in-law over babysitting fees for their upcoming trip. He and his wife planned a 5-day vacation, and his MIL had agreed months ago to watch their son.

However, she recently requested $100 per day for her services, which upset the user, feeling it was manipulative. While his wife is more understanding and willing to pay, the user is adamant about finding another option. Is he in the wrong for refusing to pay his MIL for babysitting their child? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA For refusing to pay my MIL for babysitting our toddler’

My wife (39F) is turning 40 in 10 days. To celebrate, we are taking a 5 day vacation, just the 2 of us. It’s the first time that she and I (38M) have been away like this as a couple since the birth of our son almost 4 years ago.

We planned this trip months ago and my wife asked her mom if she would be willing to come to our house and watch our son while we are away. MIL agreed right away. MIL is in her early 60s but doesn’t have a “real” job.

She will do cleaning for her brother who owns a bunch of rental properties and he pays her in cash. So, it’s not like she has a schedule she has to clear to stay with our son for a few days.

Last weekend, my wife called MIL to talk to her about our trip and to ask if there’s anything MIL will need/want us to stock in the house as far as food or necessities. During the conversation, MIL said that she will need $100 per day from us.

This is the first time she ever brought up wanting to get paid to watch our son. My wife was caught off guard and just kind of agreed to it. But when she got off the phone and told me about it, I got upset.

I told her that MIL is taking advantage of the situation because she thinks we have no other options. I told her that is BS that she sprung this on us so close to our trip and I don’t think we should pay her anything. I said that I would call my parents and see if they can watch our son instead.

My wife told me that MIL wouldn’t ask that sort of thing unless she needs the money and that adding $500 to our vacation trip isn’t that much of a big deal. I told her that it’s not about the money to me, it’s about MIL being sneaky and m**ipulative.

I called my mom and asked her if they would be able to watch our son instead and she jumped at the idea. Both my parents are recently retired, so they have plenty of free time and would love an extended grandson visit.

I didn’t explain the reason for the change, I just told them that things didn’t work out with MIL. I told my wife that my parents can watch our son instead and that she should call her mom and tell her that we no longer need her to babysit.

She said that she didn’t want to do that because MIL was really looking forward to seeing our son, it has been over 6-months. I told her that if she was looking forward to it that much, she wouldn’t be trying to swindle us out of $500.

I told her if she didn’t want to make the call, I would gladly do it. She reluctantly made the call herself, but it didn’t go well. MIL got upset because we are now “depriving her of seeing her grandson.”

My wife got emotional and ended up backtracking and said she would talk to me and see if we could work something out. After the call, she asked me if there was some way we could figure this out and I told her we aren’t changing anything again this close to our trip.

She said maybe we could offer MIL a lesser amount but I reiterated that it isn’t about the money, it’s about MIL being sneaky and trying to take advantage of us.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Lindseyh911 −  NTA. If she needed/wanted to be paid, it should have been discussed up front. It’s not something you bring up last minute.

Pianoplayerpiano −  NTA. Your parents have made a much more attractive offer. You have other options, so no. You are NOT in a position to have to give in. She wants to be paid to see her grandkid. No deal. Is MIL is broke and too proud to ask for money?

[Reddit User] −  NTA if MIL wanted money she should have told you her fee upfront.

[Reddit User] −  Nta its pretty sucked up to expect payment to soend time with your own grand kids to begin with. But even if you fall in that weird camp that you dont owe family anything she still is wrong for agreeing to it and waiting till plans were set then springing a price on you at the last second.

rahbahboston −  Well… your parents seem cool, so I can’t say ESH, but between you and your MIL you both kind of s**k.. YTA for this statement. MIL is in her early 60s but doesn’t have a “real” job. She will do cleaning for her brother who owns a bunch of rental properties and he pays her in cash.

So, it’s not like she has a schedule she has to clear to stay with our son for a few days. You can’t say she doesn’t have a “real” job. I’m sure between her and her brother this is a real job.. ​ But she should have made it clear up front that she expects to be paid.

And being paid is a reasonable request, but not cool to bring it up late. Her laying on the guilt trip of being deprived grandchild time is kind of m**ipulative though.

AshlynM2 −  NTA. If she wanted to be paid she should have said that UP FRONT. It’s totally her right to ask, and also you choice to refuse. The fact that she sprung wanting $100/day right before the trips reads to me as her thinking you wouldn’t be able to say no since it’s so close to the trip. You were able to find other childcare at a more reasonable price, free!!

Professional-Band323 −  The people saying Y T A because no one should expect free childcare are missing the point. Many family members are excited for an opportunity to spend time with family and wouldn’t ask for money for that. Many family members WOULDNT want to do free childcare and would require monetary compensation.

Both are 100% fine. It’s also 100% fine for OP to know that he has access to grandparents who would love to spend time with his child for free and utilize that while he goes out of town, instead of paying an unexpected $500 to someone who didn’t immediately say “yes, and here’s my fee” when first asked to babysit.

MIL isn’t in the wrong for not wanting to babysit for free, but she should’ve made that clear from the outset… at which point the offer probably never would have been extended to her and instead made to the other grandparents.

disney_nerd_mom −  NTA. You’re right, she was trying to be sneaky and thought she had you in a tough spot. If she needs money then she should have spoken up. Even this late in the game if she had said that she’d lose some of her income by watching grandson and would there be some way to come to an arrangement where you paid her something that would be another thing.

No-Carry4971 −  YTA for the way you dictate to your wife. You clearly expect veto power over money and over big decisions. That kind of sucks. I’m a guy, but if my wife wanted to give her mom $500 for doing absolutely nothing, I wouldn’t dream of saying no.

And she would say they same about me and my parents. In this case it was actually compensation for her time providing care for your kids. Is the MIL being a little m**ipulative with the late request? Maybe or maybe not.

Maybe she just needs the money and rather than ask for a handout, she asked for compensation. Should you stomp all over your wife because her mom made a minor request you disagreed with? Absolutely not.

Dogmother123 −  NTA. She thought she could spring a charge on you at the last minute. You have a free option. Why not use it? Tell your MIL she can schedule a visit when you are all at home.

Is the user being unreasonable for refusing to pay his MIL after she unexpectedly asked for compensation? Or is he justified in finding another solution? How would you handle a last-minute request like this from a family member? Share your thoughts in the comments!