AITA for telling my (F24) MOD (F23) I hated my bachelorette party and having another one without her?

A Reddit user (24F) shares that her MOH, her sister (23F), took over the planning of her bachelorette party, excluding other friends from contributing. Unfortunately, the event was filled with activities the bride doesn’t enjoy—spa treatments, fancy dresses, and a meat-heavy dinner, even though the bride is mostly vegan.

While she acknowledged her sister’s effort, she admitted that the party wasn’t her style. In response, her friends secretly organized a second party tailored to the bride’s interests: a medieval dinner, gaming, and cocktails.

However, they excluded the sister from the event, which caused a huge fallout with the family, accusing the bride of being ungrateful. Now, the bride wonders if she’s in the wrong for wanting a party she actually enjoyed.

‘ AITA for telling my (F24) MOD (F23) I hated my bachelorette party and having another one without her?’

I’m (F24) getting married next week and my sister (F23) is my MOH. This weekend we had my bachelorette party and we originally agreed that all “bridesmaids” (my best friend (F25) and 3 close friends (M24-27)) would organise it.

But I later found out that my sister excluded everyone else bc “it should be the MOH job” and just showed up with a fully booked plan before the others could even start discussing ideas. The whole party was supposed to be a surprise but I expected that we’d be doing something that they know I’d enjoy.

Unfortunately my sister pulled up to some sort of spa and planned to get nails done and some face masks and stuff like that. Afterward we had a private photoshoot with lots of dresses for me – I mean they were georgous but not something I’d ever feel comfortable in.

We ended it with a dinner at a fancy restaurant where she preordered dishes that had meat in it. I’m mostly vegan and she knows that. All of those were cool ideas and I’m sure many brides would enjoy a bachelorette like that. Hell I’d plan one exactly like that for my sister or best friend but it’s just not me.

I told her that I hated it but I appreciate that she clearly put a lot of effort and money into the day. The others knew I would’t like it so they planned another party yesterday and that one couldn’t have been better (we had a medieval dinner at a castle and they booked a cinema where we played video games and drank cocktails the whole day!!)

But we excluded my sister and now she’s REALLY mad. In fact, my whole family is mad for having a second one and not being grateful for the one my sister planned for me.
I can understand she’s hurt and I feel horrible so I consider repaying her the money she spend but I’m not apologising for my interests – shouldn’t a bachelorette party be for the bride?

And I was just honest when she asked me if I liked it! Even though I do feel like I’m being an ungrateful a**hole bc she clearly put lots of effort into planning the day. So any thoughts?

See what others had to share with OP:

blanketstatement5 −  I’d plan one exactly like that for my sister. So your sister planned exactly the bachelorette that… your sister would want. Not what you would want. NTA.
Also, IMO, you need to fire her as MOH (and probably as a bridesmaid),

because I’d bet a pretty penny that after feeling snubbed by the bachelorette situation she *will* cause drama if she’s allowed to make a speech (you also will need to tell the DJ to cut the mic off if she ever gets her hands on it)

ETA: You also shouldn’t feel guilty about the effort she spent planning. She spent that effort so she could have a day SHE would enjoy. All her reward is in the stuff she got to do that day, and she is e**itled to nothing else.

Ok-Classic8323 −  NTA. Your sister seriously does not know what your are in to and what you eat?Sounds like she planned it for herself not for you. She planned it without asking you what you want. Glad the one your friends organised was better, sadly i think your sister is going to be sore about this for quite a while.

Catherine1971 −  ESH. Sis sucks for planning her ideal day, rather than yours, especially the disrespectful lack of vegan food at dinner. Your friends s**k for organising a second bachelorette party and excluding her.

It could so easily have been just a friends’ party, unrelated to the wedding, or branded as further festivities including the MOH, but no, they had to call it a bachelorette party *and* exclude one of the group. And you s**k, for not gracefully accepting the day planned by your sister, and going along with the “alternative bachelorette excluding MOH” scheme.

Starjacks28 −  NTA your sister planned her own hen party. Also it’s not that hard to book a spa and a restaurant. Barely much effort there at all and clearly no thought into what you as a person would want. I’d just tell the family ” am I meant to be thankful that she clearly doesn’t know me?

Not respects my diet or my friends input?” I’d honestly also demote her from being MOH at the very least

First-Entertainer850 −  ESH. You set your sister up for failure a little bit. I’ve been a co-MOH before, and it’s hard enough planning anything with two people, nevermind giving every single person in the party equal input. Nothing would get done.

That’s in part why you appoint a MOH in the first place, because someone needs to take lead on making decisions like that. That’s why you appoint someone who really knows you and understands you. Everything about it being a surprise was also a bad approach.

Elements of the bachelorette party can definitely be a surprise, but IMO the bride should provide guidance. I also think it’s kinda crappy that they didn’t invite your sister to bachelorette party #2. Are they punishing her? Your sister should’ve taken into account your interests more and definitely your dietary restrictions.

But I also feel like you put her in a s**tty position, and then punishing her by not inviting her is odd. ETA: people have brought up that OP didn’t appoint her sister as MOH, but that only underscores my second point. If you have someone serving as MOH that you didn’t choose and doesn’t know and/or support your interests, absolutely the bachelorette should not be a complete surprise.

Evening-Addendum-714 −  Your sister messed up but I don’t understand why she wasn’t invited to the second party? Unless you were planning on keeping it a secret this was bound to cause friction. If she’d have been invited she would have understood what it is that you enjoy surely? Sidenote: isn’t a medieval dinner mostly meat!?

elizajaneredux −  ESH. Your sister should have tailored this to what she knows about your interests. If she just ignored that completely, she doesn’t look good. But you told her you hated it? Why did you have to do that? You really just had to have another one to make up for… what?

An expensive celebration on your honor that you didn’t enjoy as much as you would have enjoyed something else? What planet are you on?

Artea13 −  NTA. Like the other people in the comments have said she planned a day for HERSELF, not for you. Not only that but she also in doing so showed a very clear disregard for your wishes, dietary preferences, and just overal personality.

You told her you didn’t enjoy it, you had a party that you wanted to have. Has your family told you why they’re siding with your sister on this one? Maybe she has told them a version of events that doesn’t really add up with what actually happened.

[Reddit User] −  Reddit is nuts. YTA for excluding her.

JudgeJudyScheindlin −  Sorry, but this is just more spoiled bride behavior. Your sister planned what sounds like a lovely bachelorette party and you are sounding like a spoiled b**t because it wasn’t everything you’d ever hoped for.

You wanted her to include the rest of the bridal party in the planning process: you know how annoying and difficult it is to coordinate with multiple other people who all have different ideas of what to do? It also, by the sound of your post, doesn’t sound like your sister asked them to contribute any money and simply planned and paid for it all.

I think people confuse honesty with hurting people. You’re using your “honesty” as a justification for being a j**k and telling your sister you hated what she’d done. Additionally, you then enjoyed a second party where your sister was intentionally excluded. Major AH behavior here. You owe your sister a big apology.. 100 percent YTA

Weddings can stir up emotions, especially when it comes to expectations versus reality. Was the bride right to be honest about her disappointment, or should she have let it slide? What are your thoughts—did her sister overstep, or should the bride have compromised? Share your thoughts in the comments!