AITA for calling my daughter a terrible mother?

A Reddit user shares a story about a conflict with her oldest daughter, stemming from a private therapy diary her grandson had been keeping after his father passed away. Years after his dad’s death, her grandson continued using the diary to cope with his feelings, especially concerning his mother’s remarriage and blended family.

When her grandson moved in with his grandparents, his mother stole the diary during a visit and read its contents, which upset her. She discovered that her son had written about his difficulty accepting her new family and felt hurt by his words.

The user confronted her daughter, expressing disappointment and calling her a terrible mother for violating her son’s privacy and reacting harshly to his personal feelings. The daughter, in turn, felt justified in her actions, leading to a major disagreement.

‘ AITA for calling my daughter a terrible mother?’

My oldest daughter and I had a disagreement recently. I was very disappointed in her and expressed this to her as well as my opinion that she is a terrible mother. She believes I am wrong to judge her so I want some perspective.

My daughter was married twice. Her first husband died when their children were 9, 5 and 4. She met her second husband 18 months later and remarried after a year of dating and created a blended family with his daughter who was 4 at the point of their marriage.

My oldest grandson was destroyed by his dad’s d**th. He was in therapy from the point of his dad’s d**th, something my husband and I had to pressure our daughter to seek because she was focused more on moving forward. But our grandson was hardly eating or sleeping and had difficulty in school.

My daughter thanked me later for giving her the push. When my grandson started therapy he was asked to keep a diary to help him. It was something that took him several months to use more than once a month but he did grow to use it a lot. This diary was something for his eyes only.

Not even the therapist read it. They just discussed anything he wished to. My daughter had more children with her second husband and things were fine. When my grandson decided he wanted to attend college locally he asked if he could live with my husband and myself and we agreed.

He moved in with us in mid June. About a month later I noticed something was going on but I had no idea what. My other two grandchildren from my daughter’s first marriage told me that their mom and brother were fighting because their mom had stolen his therapy diary while they were visiting us and that she was angry about it’s contents.

She was also mad at them because they defended their brother. I spoke to my grandson who was both angry and sad. He told me his mom was never supposed to read those. I spoke to my daughter next. She ranted at me about how my grandson had written about her husband and other children, including her stepdaughter.

She said he never wanted her to move on. That he had wanted her to be alone forever. That he didn’t even love his much younger siblings, just the two from her marriage to his dad. She said she couldn’t look at him. I asked her if it was true she stole the diary.

She was stunned I would ask and told me I should be focused more on the contents, especially when some of it was written right before he moved in with me. I told her it was kept in a diary and never vocalized to any of them. She said that didn’t matter and I said it did.

She told me I should be on her side. That he should be shunned for writing so many awful things. This is when I expressed my disappointment in her and called her a terrible mother.. AITA?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Comfortable-Sea-2454 −  NTA – your daughter is though. She stole her sons diary and then read through his private thoughts. And now she wants the entire family to shun him because she couldn’t force him to drink the koolaid of her “perfect blended family”!!! Pathetic.

OP Comment from below: “She’s also holding onto all of this. I hear from two of my grandchildren that she continues to blame her brother and has openly discussed what he wrote. Which means she hurt her stepdaughter and her younger children with her actions too.”

The is telling the younger kids the private thoughts of their Half/Step brother and creating a Grand Canyon divide between the three older sibs and the younger sibs. OP, Your daughter needs to see this post \[and your grandson to see how much support he has besides you\].

Pretzelmamma −  Yikes NTA. She’s probably undone years of therapy right there and has the audacity to be mad at the poor kid…. None of her children will trust her going forward.

Murrmaider822 −  NTA. My mom read my diary once when I was a kid. She didn’t like the contents either. Im now 33 and have never written down my thoughts since that day and struggle with trust issues, boundaries, and privacy. I also am no contact with my mother. Tell your daughter this is what her future looks like.

Mereadsalot −  He didn’t want her to move on? Way to make your kids trauma all about you. She is being terrible, hope you can talk her into some family therapy.

InitialDetective5344 −  Nta, she sure fucked up that poor kid. You are 100% right. What a horrid i**asion of privacy, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he never spoke to her again. Sure smells of narcissistic behavior. We can only hope she gets therapy herself, realizes the extent of her behavior and changes for the better.

ManuAdFerrum −  NTA. She does sound terrible. She is taking personal offense to something her kid had the right to complain about. She is also refusing responsibility on both the decisions she took regarding their family and also the decision she took by stealing the diary.

QuinGood −  NTA. You spoke the truth. She is. Concentrate on helping your grandson overcome her betrayal. You need to go limited contact with her to send your oldest grandson the message that you have his back. It’s also possible you might end up with the other two children at some point, so prepare yourself.. Hugs and Good Luck

noturuwu −  NTA. You GO, grandma OR grandpa! Your grandson is so lucky to have you. A parent should never read their child’s diary. Especially not a therapy one. She overstepped a huge boundary. He was a young man feeling a lot of feelings, and it seems it own mother didn’t do much to help him. She has no right to be angry at her child’s very valid emotions. I feel so bad for him right now. Hugs to you.

Slow_Nature_6833 −  NTA Diaries like that are meant to be places where you can write out all the thoughts in your head, whether they’re kind or not. It’s a great way to express feelings without worrying about hurting anyone. This only works if it’s private.

My 28-year-old niece is living with me till she’s more mentally stable. I asked her if she writes in a journal and she said she can’t. Every time she tries, she remembers how her mom read her secret, hidden diary when she was a teen and used it to insult her. c-PTSD is rough. Don’t invade your kid’s privacy, y’all.

lmmontes −  She moved on and never dealt with her grieving son. Of course he has anger that has built up needing release…the diary helped it. Mom is a crappy mom. Awesome he’ll be with your while in college. NTA.

Do you think the user was right to call her daughter a terrible mother, or should she have approached the situation differently? How would you handle such a sensitive family conflict? Feel free to share your thoughts below.