AITA for leaving my wife at a party/going away solo when she was making me late?

A man left his wife at a party when she made them late for their flight, critical to his job. His wife, a medical school graduate, was invited to a special makeup graduation gala. Though their flight for a combined work trip and vacation was scheduled for 9 PM, they planned to leave the party at 5:30 to ensure they made it.

However, the wife delayed their departure, and a former classmate (who had previously asked her out) distracted her, leading the husband to leave for the airport alone. His wife was furious, accusing him of not supporting her, while he argued the missed flight could have cost him his job.

Their relationship has been strained since, with the wife suggesting therapy, but the husband believes she should take responsibility for the situation.

‘ AITA for leaving my wife at a party/going away solo when she was making me late?’

My (28) wife (27) graduated medical school in 2021. They had a graduation party since everyone was vaccinated, but it was pretty small due to a recent outbreak there. You could only bring 1 guest and you had to socially distance again.Her medical school decided to invite the pandemic graduates to this years graduation event.

They planned this all out pretty last minute, only giving 3 weeks notice that it was happening. But my wife was very excited about it. She gets paid crumbs and works long hours as a resident, so I get why she wanted to relax and have fun.The issue is that I had a huge work trip the next day, that had been planned for months.

I don’t travel a lot for work so they went all out to make this comfortable, and I had a lot riding on it (if I didn’t do well I would probably be fired, but if I did well there were 2 open positions I could be promoted to).

My wife wanted to come with me, so my company comp’d her flight and we were going to make a vacation out of it after my presentations. We were flying out the night of the party to ensure I made it on time for the meetings the next day. I told my wife we shouldn’t go to the re-do event since we had to fly out and it would be very tight.

She insisted we go, since the party started at 3pm and our flight left at 9pm. But the gala was 1.5 hours away from the airport. We made a plan to leave at 5:30pm, pack everything in our car beforehand, so we could go straight to the airport. But by 530 she just started saying goodbye.

I told her we needed to leave ASAP but she said no, we don’t have to be 2 hours early for our flight, etc. Around 6pm this guy from med school (who had a crush and asked her out multiple times) grabbed her hand and pulled her to another table. I went up to them and told him he needed to back off.

He said I needed to treat her better and let her ‘enjoy herself’. I looked at my wife, but she ignored me. At that point I decided I wasn’t going to try and convince her to stick to her word anymore. I told her I was leaving for the airport and took our car.

There was a ton of traffic and security was a mess, so I only had a few minutes to spare before getting on the plane. She texted me horrible things. I never responded/engaged. But she kept texting me how I was horrible and don’t understand what it’s like to have COVID ruin a huge moment for you.

I disagree…she still had a graduation party, it’s not my fault she didn’t get to dance? I don’t see what the huge deal was and conversely think she didn’t understand that this would cost me my job if I missed the flight. And since I make up around 70% of our income in a HCOL area, we would essentially be homeless.

We’ve been on tense terms since this happened in June. She brings it up a lot and is recommending therapy so I can “learn how to behave in a marriage”, but I don’t think we need it since she’s the one who caused this whole problem in the first place and should take accountability for that first. But am I way off here? AITA?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

WholeAd2742 ( Top 1 ) says

NTA You needed to catch the flight and not risk your job. She was being immature wanting to party without managing her time

Honest-Reason7330 ( Top 2 ) says

NTA. You told her you were leaving for the airport, she didn’t respond and didn’t come? You guys also made detailed plans about when to leave and why. Your work trip is financially important and if you do end up going to therapy together, you’ll probably find that your side gets more support than you’re expecting.

She was also pretty disrespectful by ignoring you when some dude made snide comments about how you treat your wife. I would expect her to shut him up no matter how she felt, because that’s how people behave in a marriage. lol

edit: BUT you really should respond if she texts you n**sty stuff. Even just a “we will have to talk about this later – I am in a hurry to get on a plane. I couldn’t wait and miss the plane, and I am hurt that you disregarded our careful plans in order to party.”

AHeroToIdolize ( Top 3 ) says

NTA I wouldn’t be able to stay with someone who showed such blatant disregard for me.

ProfPlumDidIt ( Top 4 ) says

NTA. You compromised. She just did whatever the f**ck she wanted regardless of what she promised and uncaring of any binds she was putting you in. Does she have a history of blaming others when she’s in the wrong? If it’s habitual, I’d leave.

If this is the first time, do marriage counseling to see if having a third party back you up gets through to her.

Cursd818 ( Top 5 ) says

NTA If my spouse had almost sabotaged my career and blamed me for their juvenile desire to party instead of stick to a pre-approved plan, I would end my marriage. Her behaviour and insistence that you are in the wrong are despicable. Is this the way you want your wife to behave in your marriage?

Like necessities such as *your job* are second to her fleeting wants to dance? What happens next time she pulls this crap?

Edit – I just realised your wife had money spent on her by your job that she squandered by not coming on the trip. How did your bosses react to her disrespect? They won’t forget she did this, and they will act accordingly in the future.

EndlessXvoid ( Top 6 ) says

NTA for the incident but you should definitely go to therapy with your wife instead of blowing it off. It definitely seems like it’s causing stress in your relationship.

Schafer_Isaac ( Top 7 ) says

NTA You have established *beforehand* when you would leave. She didn’t leave on time. She let a dude who had a crush on her interfere with the pre-established plans. She would have made you both miss the flight, and you would have probably lost your job. Your wife is an AH. I wouldn’t want her to be my doctor if she acts like that.

ParsimoniousSalad ( Top 8 ) says

NTA. Maybe she needs to understand how time and plane schedules don’t care about her feelings? Try couples counseling and see if she can take responsibility for her actions. If not, I don’t understand why you stay with her.

Thelibraryvixen ( Top 9 ) says

Info:
What does your wife think you SHOULD have done? Missed the plane and blow off the trip? How would you explain that to your boss? Hoist her bodily over your shoulder and drag her off?

MaliceIW ( Top 10 ) says

Nta. But it may be worth going to couples therapy, as maybe the therapist could help your wife understand accountability, and her disregarding you and your feelings.