AITA for moving my girlfriend back in against my kids’ and therapist’s wishes?

A widower (48M) has been in a relationship with his girlfriend (27F) for over a year, who struggles with emotional instability and paranoia, leading to erratic behavior, job loss, and confrontations.

Despite his family therapist’s advice, he moved her back in while his kids (18F and 19M) were out celebrating, believing they were ready to forgive her past actions. His children, however, reacted negatively, reminding him of the therapist’s suggestion to wait until she was more stable and expressed concerns about her behavior.

Now, he’s questioning whether he made the right decision.

AITA for moving my girlfriend back in against my kids’ and therapist’s wishes?

I am a widower with two kids. My daughter is 18 and my son is 19. Both are in community college and living at home.

I have been widowed for a two years and my girlfriend has been living with us since June of last year.

My girlfriend (27F) is a beautiful, passionate, and intelligent person. She is also creative and passionate in the way my late wife was never. Exceptionally charming in her good days.

However, she is also troubled, and that has rendered her unable to keep a steady job. She has no trouble landing jobs but she’d only stay an average of 2 weeks. She is highly reactive to the thought of abandonment, and no matter how much love I give her, it’s like she takes my actions and words and twists them into something sinister, and then reacts to it.

Which means yelling, calling friends and telling them lies about me, talking about me as if I’m not present to my kids. I’ve lost friends over her behavior because she’d have days where she’d show up and refuse to talk to anybody because she felt rejected by something. Even left bad reviews on a mutual friend’s business because she accused us of seeing each other ( we were not even in the same state during that supposed time period.)

She has had trauma that has made her paranoid. That has devolved into her feeling like she’s being followed to and from work, so she quits. I let her contract two security companies for our house but she still feels followed and just sits monitoring the cameras.

She also obsessively searches every bag in the house for trackers and dumps out groceries because she feared tampering. This paranoia has resulted in her ending up in court because she’s confronted innocent people accusing them of following her.

I made the decision to put her in therapy and she just got out of a voluntary in patient program. The family therapist approved of my decision to rent a condo for her while she continues therapy. The condo has 24/7 security and I visit her often. However, I miss her and want her back in my house. This isn’t some fling- I want a future with her. And I saw that my daughter had texted my gf saying ” I know you are a good person- keep up the good work!” So I thought despite them having conflict with my girlfriend, my kids would be willing to welcome her back.

So yesterday while my kids were celebrating the 4th I helped move my girlfriend’s stuff back in. However, when my kids got home, they both sprinted to my daughter’s room and whispered for a half hour. Then they came down when my girlfriend went to get takeout and said they cannot believe I’d let her back, especially before the therapist says she is stable. I defended myself saying I thought they said she was an intelligent good person. They said that she means well but so many things she’s done are wrong and hard to forgive.

I told them we needed to be there for her and not give up, and they said they will not forget this, and there’s worse things than loneliness. AITA? She’s never physically threatened my kids.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

KnitWit406 says:
Right, reading this I’m actually MOST concerned about her. His kids are old enough to (hopefully) be able to keep themselves safe, but if he really cares for this woman then he should make decisions with her wellbeing in mind. I don’t know her treatment plan but she had one and he decided he was tired of waiting.

Knittingfairy09113 says:
YTA

Your GF has no business being in a romantic relationship at all. She needs to concentrate on her mental health, and you shouldn’t subject your children to this. I am baffled that you really thought this would be a good idea.

Thelmara says:

So I thought despite them having conflict with my girlfriend, my kids would be willing to welcome her back.

No you didn’t, that’s why you waited until they were out of the house and didn’t discuss it with them first.

YTA, and either not very bright or living deep in denial.

Also the fact that you left off only your age (and your gf is only 9 years older than your kids) is suspicious as fuck.

Gold_Principle_2691 says:

He’s even betrayed the girlfriend.

man is acting on his own wishes against the advice of her therapist

THIS!!!

OP is already gross for moving in a girlfriend barely a year after his wife died, and for dating someone barely older than his own kids who still live with him.

However, SOMEhow, his kids are okay with his new relationship and even send the gf encouraging messages.

So OP does the stupidest and most selfish thing imaginable, not only disrupting his kids’ lives and putting them in potential danger, but also completely screwing over the gf, who needs severe therapy and time to get her shit together.

It’s not like OP has young kids who can’t stay home alone if he wants a night out with his gf… he could go see her ANY TIME and spend as much time at her place as he wanted.

But he sabotaged her healing journey, because it’s a lot easier to control her and take advantage of her in her current mental state.

ElleGeeAitch says:
Ugh, I’m so sorry.

My older sister died last October. Just a couple of days before the 3 month anniversary of her death, he moved in his chippy with him, to the disgust and horror of his son. That was also pretty close to what would have been their 32nd wedding anniversary and her 59th birthday. This woman started using my sister’s clothes and toiletries that my nephew hadn’t felt ready yet to sort through. Nephew is an adult, and taking some classes while working, hoping to move out asap. I don’t think he’ll be interested in a relationship with his dad once he leaves, my older 2 nephews, BIL’s stepson, have washed their hands of him. There’s other reasons, but this was the final straw.

creegro says:
“local man and children both murdered by psychotic girlfriend after letting her move in. The therapist said “she’s not ready yet” but the man did not heed the warning”

Neighbors: such a good family to live next to, they never caused and trouble and always waved, always had something nice to say when coming and going, you know how it is with the good kind of neighbors, the ones you can live next to for decades and not worry. Just a tragedy, how they were killed off by some new lady. Didja know the wife had just passed away two years ago?”

Princesshannon2002 says:
YTA so damned hard for putting this gf over your children’s emotional health and well being. They are under no obligation to put up with what sounds like significant and impairing mental health issues. The confrontational nature of her symptoms could put your children’s physical health at risk, as well, if she confronts the wrong people. I hope your children have a relative they can go live with to get the hell out of of your circus.

Fearlessroofless says:
What’s crazy to me is he doesn’t seem to care if she’s mentally ill or possibly on drugs he just wants her regardless and i wouldn’t imagine the best thing would be a mentally I’ll person receiving conflicting treatment from all parties involved like why is he going against the therapist and family when they obviously agree on the point