AITA for making my pregnant SIL cry when she kept asking why I changed my name?
How would you handle someone repeatedly questioning a personal decision you’ve made? In this case, a young woman changed her name from Evelyn to Indie, but her pregnant sister-in-law kept asking why—over and over again.
After months of the same conversation, the young woman finally snapped, leading to a big argument and tears. Now, her family thinks she went too far. Was she wrong for losing her patience, or was her frustration justified?
‘AITA for making my pregnant SIL cry when she kept asking why I changed my name?’
My brother (30m) is married to Hailey (29f) and they’re expecting a baby together. Last year I (17f) officially changed my first name from Evelyn to Indie (which was a nickname form of my original middle name). My parents gave in after realizing how serious I was about being Indie and how I was not warming up to or growing into Evelyn.
My brother and Hailey want an older/vintage name for their baby and Hailey asked me about 5 months ago why I disliked Evelyn enough to change the name. At the time she brought up how popular the name has become and how vintage is back. I told her I didn’t like vintage names and to me it sounded really old fashioned. I told her the popularity didn’t influence my decision. She wanted to know my reason for disliking older names and why I liked something like Indie instead. I didn’t mind her asking this first time.
She brought it up again a week later and she asked the same question and pressed more for why. She asked a third and a fourth time. I gave her the same answer and asked her why she kept asking me. I told her my answer wasn’t going to change. By the seventh time she asked she admitted she was worried her baby would hate having an older name and wanted to figure out what she could do to prevent what happened with me happening to her. She also said she’d like me to rethink my name because she thought Evelyn was beautiful and she was sad I had chosen something like Indie over it. I asked her to stop so many times already and I even asked my brother to stop her. He told me I needed to understand it was the hormones. I can easily say she has asked me this more than 25 times by now. I’m not exaggerating that number either.
Two weeks ago when she brought it up again she felt like I had made a mistake changing my name and how 30 year old me wouldn’t be so against Evelyn. I told her 30 year old me can deal with it if that happens. She told me I didn’t really have a good reason to like the name and Indie seemed like the kind of name someone young likes but not someone older.
Then yesterday happened and I kinda lost my temper. She started out asking the same stuff and the baby is almost ready to be born so I know it’s coming to an end but she asked me to really think about why and help her because she couldn’t figure out what she’d do differently than my parents did. Then she said they really shouldn’t have let me change my name so young. I snapped and I told her to stop asking me the same question because my answer won’t change and her comments are not changing my mind because I don’t like old fashioned names.
I told her I think they’re awful and I’m sick and tired of hearing about how much better they are and having her try to make me find a reason she finds acceptable. I told her just like she hates Indie, I hate Evelyn and she needs to let it fucking go already. She burst into tears and my brother got so mad at me. My parents were also like why did I have to speak to her so harshly. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Final_Figure_7150 says:
I told her just like she hates Indie, I hate Evelyn and she needs to let it fucking go already. She burst into tears and my brother got so mad at me. My parents were also like why did I have to speak to her so harshly.
If you reacted like this the very first time she asked, then you’d be a bit of an AH … But, after months of her asking you the same thing over, and over, and over, your reaction is justified. I hate the ” you must understand it’s the pregnancy hormones ” spiel – being pregnant doesn’t give you a free pass to be an AH. NTA
Flashy-Magazine-9264 (OP) – I was thinking the same. Like being anxious would be one thing. But pretty much fighting me over my own name for months is so weird. I know she wants me to change my answer but I won’t. I felt the same way for years.
Final_Figure_7150 – She’s projecting – she wants her unborn child to love the vintage name, you hated yours, and somehow in her brain, convincing you to suddenly love your old name would ensure her child to love theirs too. Which is madness. Her child will be a unique individual with their own likes and dislikes, just like she is and you are. Hopefully she will come to realise she can’t just make people be a certain way to match her aesthetic.
Famous_Specialist_44 – If someone continues to question your identity, and they don’t accept you for who you are, and if they ignore your explanation and request to move on….they are bullies and discriminatory. So, no surprise she burst into tears and is playing the victim now because that’s what entitled bullies do when they are challenged. NTA Indie
Environmental_Art591 – OP put it to your brother and parents this way. Take the “vintage vs modern name debate” out of the equation and ask them if they would find her behaviour acceptable. She has 1 refused to accept your initial answer, 2 harassed you for months, 3 disrespected your identity.
And if you really want to get your family thinking, 4 disrespected the way your parents have raised you, to be independent and true to yourself and your identity. To your brother, 5 would he allow his wife to bully and manipulate his child if she decides that her child is a doll and not a human with an independent identity and bodily autonomy.
KSJ08 – NTA. Her behavior is really weird. Why ask repeatedly? And what’s it to her, whether you choose to use Evelyn or Indie? It has nothing to do with her or her baby. I don’t understand why she’s so obsessed with your name.
Flashy-Magazine-9264 (OP) – I don’t get it either. She should be able to see clearly that she likes vintage names so it’s 50/50 whether the baby will when they get older. Nobody knows. But it’s not going to change anything by asking me over and over again.
PumpkinPowerful3292 – NTA – This: ‘She told me I didn’t really have a good reason to like the name and Indie seemed like the kind of name someone young likes but not someone older.’, You don’t need her good reason to change your name just your good reason to change your name. After 25 times of the same bullying from her, I would have snapped at her as well.
Because it is bullying she was doing, for what purpose, who knows? And it is not hormones and as to why you needed to speak harshly to her, well it was because she kept bullying you over you changing your name, tell your parents and brother is was like when you were kids traveling with your parents and you kept asking, ‘Are we there yet?’ over and over and over again and how they finally snapped at you to shut up? Yeah, it was like that.
Secret_Double_9239 – NTA pregnancy or not she would be testing anyone’s patience the way she was carrying on. Tell your parents exactly how many time you have had the same disrespectful conversation with her and ask them what they would have done. Also tell your brother that you had told him how irritating she was being and asked him to tell her to stop which he didn’t, therefore the situation is as much his fault as hers.
