More Than Vows: Essential Topics Every Couple Should Discuss Before Marriage

When we think about marriage, it’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of the wedding day itself—the dresses, the vows, the party. But before you say “I do,” there’s a crucial, less glamorous conversation that should take place: a detailed discussion about life after the honeymoon.

It’s no secret that marriage is a partnership, but are you truly ready for the complexities it brings? From kids to finances, pets to politics, these conversations are as important as picking your wedding cake flavor. Let’s dive into why these in-depth talks are essential before walking down the aisle.

While some couples breeze through these conversations without much friction, others may not even know where to begin. Reddit user’s recent advice on life planning before marriage has sparked a lively debate about the necessity of these discussions. In the face of all that excitement and uncertainty, the user encourages future spouses to address potential sources of conflict and set expectations early.

These aren’t just hypothetical questions either; real-life stories show how these crucial conversations can prevent future misunderstandings and, in some cases, save a relationship.

‘LPT: Before you get married, have in-depth, planning discussions around: kids, money, housing, vacations, current debt, retirement, day to day expectations, pets, in-laws, transportation, and careers…don’t assume anything. Ask the questions, ensure you are on the same page.’

As the old saying goes, “Communication is key,” and this is never truer than when it comes to marriage. According to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, founder of the Gottman Institute, couples who engage in open and honest conversations about their values, expectations, and life goals before marriage tend to have more stable and fulfilling relationships. “Most relationship problems are not due to a lack of love, but a lack of effective communication,” says Gottman.

When it comes to the Reddit user’s advice, it’s clear that the goal isn’t to create a rigid contract but to foster an environment where both parties feel comfortable discussing sensitive topics. Many people overlook these discussions, assuming that love will conquer all. However, this often leads to conflict when unexpected issues arise. From financial decisions to how children will be raised, these discussions lay the foundation for mutual respect and understanding.

Take, for example, the story of actors Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard. Despite their busy careers, they have openly discussed the importance of keeping communication open, especially when it comes to managing their personal lives and the challenges of parenthood.

Their ability to discuss everything from finances to how they juggle their careers offers a perfect example of why this type of communication is crucial. Relationships can thrive on openness, but without those hard conversations early on, couples might find themselves navigating the rocky terrain of unresolved conflicts.

The underlying issue here is that many couples avoid tough topics because they are uncomfortable or feel that they can “figure it out later.” However, as Gottman suggests, delaying these conversations can cause long-term damage. In fact, couples who avoid talking about major life decisions may end up feeling resentful or misunderstood. So, what’s the solution? Engage in these discussions early on, and not just in passing. Sit down, ask the tough questions, and most importantly, listen.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid and humorous:

Other Reddit users offer valuable insights as well. One suggests adding seemingly trivial but potentially divisive topics, such as “Should we both agree on heater/AC settings?” It’s funny, but those small things can escalate if not addressed.

Another user highlights the significance of talking about personal boundaries, “What’s your view on cheating? What happens if someone loses interest in s**?” These questions can sometimes be uncomfortable, but they reflect deeper values that influence how well a couple will navigate the tricky times.

So, what’s the takeaway here? Pre-marital discussions about life’s big issues aren’t just for the super-organized or type-A couples. They’re for anyone who wants to build a marriage grounded in mutual understanding and respect. Marriage is not a “one size fits all” experience—each couple is unique, and having these important talks ensures that both people are on the same path, ready to face the ups and downs life throws their way.

What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? How early would you want to have these talks with your partner? Let us know your thoughts—your experiences could help others navigating the same waters.