AITA Leaving NYE's dinner after my SIL made an announcement while we were honoring my son?

Grief is an unbearable weight, especially after losing a child. For any parent, the pain never fades, and the process of mourning requires love, support, and compassion from family. But what happens when those closest to you show nothing but selfishness and cruelty instead?

OP, who tragically lost her 5-month-old son, attended a New Year’s Eve gathering with her family, where her aunt suggested a moment of silence in honor of the baby. But before even a minute had passed, OP’s sister-in-law interrupted to announce her pregnancy.

To make matters worse, she later asked OP “what went wrong” with her baby’s death, as if it was something she could have prevented. OP, devastated and furious, lashed out, only to be blamed by her family for “ruining” the night. Now, she wonders—was she in the wrong for reacting this way?

‘AITA Leaving NYE’s dinner after my SIL made an announcement while we were honoring my son?’

Expert Analysis

This wasn’t just thoughtlessness—this was emotional cruelty.

The Deep Trauma of Infant Loss

Losing a child, especially to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), is one of the most devastating experiences a parent can endure. According to Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, a specialist in traumatic grief, parents who lose a baby often struggle with self-blame, even when nothing could have prevented the loss. When others suggest they “did something wrong,” it can deepen trauma and delay healing.

By implying OP could have “prevented” her son’s death, OP’s sister-in-law delivered one of the cruelest blows imaginable. This wasn’t curiosity—it was insensitive, accusatory, and heartless.

The Lack of Basic Empathy

Timing matters. Announcing a pregnancy during a moment of silence for a lost child is not just inappropriate—it’s disrespectful and selfish.

Psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula explains that some people crave attention so much that they will center themselves in any situation, no matter how inappropriate. OP’s SIL saw an opportunity to shift the focus onto herself and took it, disregarding OP’s mourning entirely.

The Gaslighting and Victim-Blaming

Instead of apologizing, OP’s family blamed her for being “petty” and “ruining” the night—a classic case of gaslighting. This was not OP ruining anything—this was her family choosing to protect the feelings of the person who hurt her, instead of standing up for her.

What Should OP Do?

Go no-contact or low-contact with toxic family members—they have proven they are not safe for her healing.
Seek support from those who truly care—her husband, aunt, and a grief counselor who understands the depth of her pain.
Refuse to apologize—she has nothing to apologize for. The only people who should be apologizing are her SIL, brother, and mother.