AITA for wanting to divorce because of what my wife said in therapy?
When the sanctity of a long marriage is shaken by unexpected revelations in therapy, the emotional fallout can force us to re-examine everything we once held dear. Our OP, a 40-year-old man married for 12 years, recounts the painful journey that led him to consider divorce after his wife’s therapy sessions. Once his rock and partner in life, his wife’s newfound perspective in therapy—revealing deep-seated distrust and a stark view of his character—has left him feeling betrayed and disillusioned.
Instead of the loving, supportive partner he thought she was, he now confronts the unsettling reality that she sees him as merely “honest” and not truly good. Now, after a series of therapy sessions and a revealing personality test where her trust score was shockingly low, his wife admitted she married him because she appreciated his blunt, self-serving honesty.
When OP challenged her on this, she dismissed his concerns and insisted their marriage was fine. But for him, her words have undermined years of shared love and trust. He now wonders if staying together is a lie—and whether he is justified in wanting a divorce.
‘AITA for wanting to divorce because of what my wife said in therapy?’
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist who specializes in relationship dynamics, explains, “When a long-term partner is confronted with a profound shift in how they are perceived by someone they love, it can be devastating. The revelation that your partner trusts you only for your honesty—and not for your kindness or goodness—can fundamentally alter your self-image. It’s not uncommon for individuals to reassess the viability of their relationships when faced with such harsh truths.” (kidshealth.org)
Family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson adds, “Marriage should be built on a foundation of mutual respect, love, and trust. When therapy exposes that one partner harbors deep distrust and sees the other in a far more utilitarian light, it raises serious concerns about long-term compatibility. It’s important to address these issues through open communication and, if necessary, further counseling. However, if one partner feels that the relationship is fundamentally misaligned with their values,
seeking a divorce can be a rational, if painful, step.” Both experts emphasize that while it’s natural for couples to encounter rough patches, the admission that your spouse sees you merely as ‘honest’—and not as a genuinely good person—can be a significant red flag. They suggest that if the core values of the relationship no longer align, and if one partner feels devalued, it might be time to consider separation as a means to rebuild self-worth and happiness.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Many redditors empathize with OP, arguing that if your partner’s perception of you has shifted so drastically, it might be time to reevaluate whether you deserve a love that sees your true worth.
Ultimately, the OP’s decision to consider divorce is rooted in a profound crisis of identity and trust. While his wife believes their marriage is fine, his realization that she views him as merely “honest” rather than truly good has shattered his sense of self-worth. This isn’t just about a therapy session—it’s about recognizing when a relationship no longer aligns with your values and emotional needs.
Do you think it’s fair to end a marriage when one partner’s perspective of you shifts so dramatically, or is there a path to rebuilding trust and redefining love? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—what would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation?