AITAH for telling my fiancé I don’t want my Temu engagement ring?
When a milestone moment like an engagement becomes overshadowed by concerns over quality and authenticity, feelings of betrayal and disappointment can quickly emerge. Our OP, a 27‑year‑old woman, recently got engaged after a three-year relationship, and initially, she loved the ring—an oval-cut design adorned with “diamonds” across the band—that her fiancé presented.
The ring received rave reviews from friends and family, and it seemed like a perfect symbol of their commitment. However, things took a turn when she discovered that her fiancé likely purchased the ring from Temu—a site known for bargain prices, with the same ring listed for just $38—even though he makes over $200K per year.
eeling that he could have afforded something of higher quality, and with troubling reviews regarding Temu’s jewelry standards and labor practices circulating online, OP voiced her refusal to accept the ring. Her fiancé’s defensive response and subsequent withdrawal have left the situation tense. Now, she wonders: Am I the asshole for telling him I don’t want my Temu engagement ring?
‘AITAH for telling my fiancé I don’t want my Temu engagement ring?’
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist who specializes in relationship dynamics, explains, “An engagement ring is not just a piece of jewelry—it’s a symbol of commitment and a reflection of the care and investment a person is willing to put into a relationship.
When one partner feels that the ring doesn’t meet those standards, it can trigger feelings of inadequacy and betrayal. It’s important to discuss these issues openly, as they often speak to deeper concerns about value and respect.” (kidshealth.org)
Family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson adds, “If your fiancé, who has a considerable income, opts for a bargain-basement ring without fully discussing it with you beforehand, it can be seen as dismissive of your shared values. The quality and origin of an engagement ring can be deeply symbolic. Your reaction, while it may seem strong to some, is rooted in a legitimate desire for a symbol that truly reflects the weight of your commitment and respects both ethical and quality standards.”
Dr. Johnson emphasizes that, while compromise is key in any relationship, certain symbols of commitment should never feel cheap or dismissive of what they represent. Both experts agree that while the fiancé’s intentions might have been to secure a good deal,
the emotional impact of discovering the ring’s origins—and its implications regarding quality and ethics—are valid reasons for OP’s dissatisfaction. Open communication about expectations and values is crucial, and if the ring doesn’t align with those, then her feelings are justified.
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
Many redditors empathize with OP’s concerns, stating that if your fiancé can easily afford a high-quality ring, settling for something from a discount site is disrespectful to the symbolism of the proposal.
Ultimately, OP’s refusal to accept a Temu engagement ring is a stand for quality, ethics, and respect in their relationship. Given that her fiancé has the means to purchase something more significant and aligned with both her expectations and shared values, her reaction is understandable. While her fiancé’s assurance that the ring will be replaced if it breaks did little to alleviate her concerns, her decision is about more than just a piece of jewelry—it’s about the message it sends regarding their commitment.
Do you think it’s reasonable to expect a symbol of such importance to be of high quality and ethically produced, regardless of cost? Or should love simply be celebrated without concern for these details? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—what would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation?