AITAH because I didn’t tell my FWB that friendzoned me that I was getting married.
Sometimes life throws you an unexpected curveball when your past comes knocking at your future’s door. In this tale, our OP—once involved in a casual FWB arrangement with a woman named Lisa—found himself caught between lingering feelings from a no-strings-attached relationship and the steady, reliable love of his fiancée, Laura. Despite a seemingly amicable start, where the casual relationship transformed into an enduring friendship, unresolved emotions began to surface.
After the OP caught feelings and asked Lisa to be more than just friends, she candidly rejected the idea by labeling him a “manwhore” and insisting on remaining friends. Years later, as he built a serious life with Laura, Lisa reappeared with a shocking demand: she claimed she was waiting for him to break up with Laura so they could rekindle what they once had. This unexpected twist left our OP questioning loyalties and boundaries.
‘AITAH because I didn’t tell my FWB that friendzoned me that I was getting married.’
Letting your past dictate your present can be as tricky as navigating a maze without a map. According to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, “The strength of a relationship is built on mutual respect and clear boundaries; when those are compromised by unresolved past attachments, trust begins to erode.” In our OP’s case, his clear commitment to Laura contrasts sharply with Lisa’s ambiguous signals—a relic of a relationship that was never fully committed.
Dr. Gottman’s research consistently shows that open communication is crucial for resolving conflicts in modern relationships. When one partner harbors lingering feelings for a past love, it can create a persistent undercurrent of distrust. Our OP’s decision to cut ties with Lisa was a necessary boundary-setting move, especially when she expected him to abandon his current commitment. In doing so, he protected his emotional wellbeing and honored his commitment to building a future with Laura.
The scenario also highlights a broader social issue: the challenge of reconciling past relationships with current commitments. Often, unresolved feelings from previous liaisons can resurface at the most inopportune times, throwing established relationships into turmoil.
Dr. Gottman advises, “Couples should address these issues openly; otherwise, hidden resentments can undermine even the strongest bonds.” This advice is a reminder that transparency and respect are essential when navigating the messy overlap of past and present.
Moreover, it’s important to note that relationships evolve, and what once was casual may not warrant a second chance once both partners have grown and found stability elsewhere. Our OP’s journey underscores the need for mutual understanding and decisive action when the past threatens to disrupt a promising future. His experience serves as a reminder that love should never come with strings attached from someone’s former life.
Check out how the community responded:
The overall sentiment among redditors is strongly in favor of the OP. Many agree that no one should be treated as a backup option and that it’s perfectly acceptable to cut ties when someone repeatedly positions you as their second choice.
They point out that unresolved feelings for a past fling have no place in a healthy, committed relationship, and that the OP deserves to be someone’s first choice—especially when his current partner, Laura, values him. While a few caution the importance of clear communication, the dominant view is that standing firm on his commitment is the right call.
In the end, love demands honesty and loyalty. Our OP’s decision to cut off Lisa, who never fully committed and continued to treat him as a backup plan, underscores the importance of setting firm boundaries in any relationship. While it’s never easy to close the door on past connections, prioritizing genuine, present love is essential.
What would you do if a former flame tried to reclaim a spot in your life once you’d found someone who truly values you? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!