AITA for letting my father cause a huge scene at my engagement party and embarassing my future MIL?
Family relationships can be complicated, and setting boundaries is often necessary to maintain peace. One Redditor shared their story about how their fiancée’s mother ignored a direct request not to invite their father—who has a history of problematic drinking—to an engagement party.
When their father inevitably caused a scene, their FMIL was furious, but OP (Original Poster) wonders—were they wrong for not disclosing more details, or was their FMIL entirely at fault?
‘AITA for letting my father cause a huge scene at my engagement party and embarassing my future MIL?’
Expert Opinion:
Why Ignoring Boundaries Leads to Conflict
Setting and maintaining boundaries is crucial in personal relationships. Dr. Henry Cloud, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, explains, “When someone sets a boundary, it is a reflection of their experience and their needs, not an invitation for negotiation. Ignoring these boundaries can damage trust and create unnecessary conflict.”
OP had clear reasons for not wanting their father at the party—knowing his history of alcohol-related incidents and wanting to avoid an embarrassing scene. Despite this, FMIL chose to ignore OP’s wishes, leading to the exact scenario OP had feared. This situation underscores the importance of respecting personal boundaries, especially in emotionally sensitive matters.
Should OP Have Disclosed More?
While some may argue that OP could have explained the full extent of the issue, personal history isn’t always something people feel comfortable sharing. Dr. Lisa Firestone, a clinical psychologist, states, “People are not obligated to disclose deeply personal details in order to have their boundaries respected. A simple request should be enough.”
OP had already established a method of managing their father’s behavior, such as meeting at alcohol-free locations, and their decision to exclude him was not arbitrary. FMIL’s insistence on inviting him disregarded the careful measures OP had put in place, showing a lack of respect for OP’s autonomy and an assumption that she knew better.
How This Situation Could Have Been Avoided
OP could have taken additional steps to reinforce their boundary, such as:
- Firmly reinforcing boundaries: Clearly reiterating the importance of keeping the father uninvited and ensuring FMIL understood that this was non-negotiable.
- Communicating expectations clearly: OP could have explicitly stated the reasons behind their request in a private conversation, making it clear why it was essential to respect their boundary.
- Taking proactive measures: OP could have involved a trusted intermediary, such as a mutual family member, to reinforce the importance of this boundary and ensure it was respected.
Here’s What Reddit Had to Say:
The overwhelming consensus was that OP was not in the wrong. Many Redditors pointed out that FMIL brought this situation upon herself by refusing to respect boundaries, and some even suggested that OP should rethink how much influence FMIL will have in future events.
Most agree that OP was justified in their actions. FMIL’s decision to override OP’s request led to exactly the kind of scene OP wanted to avoid. While OP could have disclosed more information, it was not their responsibility to do so. FMIL’s attempt to “fix” the relationship ultimately caused more harm than good.
What do you think? Should OP have explained more, or was FMIL completely in the wrong for ignoring the request? Share your thoughts below!