AITAH for not allowing my girlfriend to be a SAHM to HER kids?

When long-term relationship plans suddenly hit an unexpected roadblock, emotions can run high—especially when it involves dreams of parenting and differing expectations for financial responsibility. In this case, a 28-year-old man (M) has been dating Amy (29F), a single mother with twin 7-year-old boys, since May 2022.

Everything seemed to be going well until Amy brought up her long-held dream of being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) for her kids. Though he gets along with her children and has been supportive in many ways, the request to set up living arrangements that would force him into the role of the sole breadwinner struck a nerve.

With his practical concerns about financial stability and saving for the future, he wasn’t comfortable absorbing the full financial weight of a four-person household. Yet, the conversation didn’t end there—a week later, Amy’s mom weighed in with strong opinions that only deepened the conflict. Now, he’s left wondering if he’s the a**hole for holding firm on his boundaries.

‘AITAH for not allowing my girlfriend to be a SAHM to HER kids?’

Expert Opinion:

Relationship and financial wellness experts suggest that differing expectations in partnerships—especially when one partner brings children from a previous relationship—can create real tension if not addressed early on.

One relationship counselor notes, “When a partner expresses a long-held dream, such as being a full-time caregiver, it’s essential for both parties to discuss how that dream will be balanced with financial realities. Expectations must be realistic and shared. If one person is expected to shoulder the entire financial burden, it can lead to long-term stress and resentment.”

Financial advisors echo this sentiment: “No one should be forced into a situation where they become the sole provider if it compromises their ability to save for the future or maintain financial stability. It’s not about being stingy—it’s about ensuring that both partners’ financial needs and goals are respected.”

Another expert on blended family dynamics adds, “A relationship that involves children from previous partnerships requires clear, upfront communication about roles, responsibilities, and long-term expectations.

If one partner’s dream of being a SAHM creates an imbalance, it is healthy and acceptable to negotiate boundaries that ensure fairness and stability for everyone involved.” This balanced view helps validate the need to set limits and not simply absorb all the additional financial stress.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The broader redditor community largely agrees on the importance of honest communication and mutual respect when it comes to financial and lifestyle decisions. Many note that while loving a single parent means accepting some extra responsibilities, it does not mean that one partner should be forced into being the sole provider.

There is a shared sentiment that setting clear boundaries is not an act of selfishness but a necessary step toward sustainable partnership. In general, the community advises that both partners must be on the same page about financial obligations, and that family—whether by blood or choice—should support these realistic discussions rather than impose judgment or outdated expectations.

Ultimately, this isn’t about being stingy or unloving—it’s about ensuring a healthy, sustainable balance in a relationship. When one partner’s dream of being a SAHM clashes with practical financial realities, it’s essential to have open, honest discussions without external pressures clouding the conversation.

My decision to stand by my concerns isn’t a rejection of Amy or her children; it’s a recognition that for a relationship to thrive, both partners must contribute—financially and emotionally—in a way that respects their individual realities.

So, AITA? Or is it reasonable to set boundaries when your long-term well-being is at stake? What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences—your insights might help others navigate the complexities of blended family finances and expectations.