AITAH for “glowing up” after my divorce and not before?

Transformation often comes at its own pace, and sometimes it’s only after life’s biggest upheavals that we finally decide to invest in ourselves. In today’s story, a 53-year-old woman recounts how she embraced a “glow up” following her divorce—a transformation she started long after her marriage had ended.

For years, she devoted herself entirely to family and household duties while her ex-husband underwent his own transformation for a new career and new relationships. Now, with her children grown and her divorce finalized, she’s finally allowed herself the freedom to reinvent her appearance, get healthier, and start dating.

Yet, this positive change has not been met with universal support; her adult children resent her new look and independent lifestyle, blaming her for not “glowing up” sooner to appease her ex-husband. In this deeply personal account, the writer reflects on the sacrifices she made during her marriage and the liberating, albeit controversial,

decision to reinvent herself after divorce. Her story raises the question: Is it wrong to finally prioritize self-love and transformation only after being given permission by circumstances, or should she have “glowed up” earlier to save her marriage?

‘ AITAH for “glowing up” after my divorce and not before?’

Expert Opinion:

Relationship and self-esteem experts note that personal growth is a deeply individual journey and often cannot be forced by external expectations. Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist and parenting expert, explains, “True self-improvement comes when an individual is ready to invest in themselves—not when someone else demands it.

Timing is essential; forcing change under pressure can often be counterproductive.” This perspective underscores that the writer’s glow up, which began only after her divorce and the departure of her children from the home, reflects a natural, self-directed process rather than a failure on her part.

Family therapist Dr. James Cooper adds, “When a partner sacrifices their own well-being for the sake of the family, it’s understandable that their personal transformation might be delayed. A divorce can act as a catalyst for change, and reclaiming one’s identity after years of neglect is both empowering and necessary.”

This insight highlights that her decision to change was a protective measure for her mental and physical health—a step toward reclaiming a life that had been long overshadowed by responsibility and self-denial.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The online community is divided on this issue. In one comment, several users praised the writer for finally prioritizing her well-being, stating that self-love shouldn’t be contingent on another’s approval. One user commented, “You deserve to be happy and feel good about yourself, regardless of what anyone expected of you back then.”

These differing opinions reveal the tension between societal expectations of immediate self-improvement in relationships and the reality that true change sometimes only occurs after significant life transitions.

Ultimately, the writer’s decision to glow up after her divorce is not an act of selfishness but a long-overdue reclaiming of her identity. By choosing to change when she was finally ready, she has prioritized her own health and happiness—qualities essential for building a fulfilling life. Her transformation is a testament to the idea that personal growth is a journey, not a race, and that sometimes the best time to invest in yourself is when you have no other choice but to.

We invite you to share your thoughts: Have you experienced a similar delayed transformation, or do you believe self-improvement should happen sooner? How do you balance familial expectations with personal well-being? Let’s discuss how we can support each other in our journeys toward self-empowerment, regardless of timing.