AITA for not moving back home with my parents?

A Reddit user (18M) shares his experience of being raised by parents who planned to remain child-free but kept him due to religious beliefs. Always aware he’d have to leave at 18, he moved into a friend’s basement after his birthday.

His parents later asked him to move back due to social pressure from their community. When he declined, his parents accused him of tarnishing their reputation. Curious about how he handled this situation? Read the full story below!

‘ AITA for not moving back home with my parents?’

My (18M) parents planned on being a child free couple, but because of religious beliefs they kept me even if I was an unwanted pregnancy.

I don’t remember when exactly I was told, but I always knew that I would be expected to move out as soon as I reached 18 years old. I have been working and saving since I turned 13 and have a respectable ammount in a savings account.

Now to be fair to my parents, they provided for me financially, they were distant emotionally but they have never been abusive.A week before my 18th birthday (January 13th) they sat me down and asked if I have found a place to move into yet.

I said yes and that was the extent of the conversation. I was planning to live in an apartment with 4 other guys, but a friend’s family heard about it and offered me their finished basement with separate access for a very cheap price ($150 a month utilities included, no down payment required). So I jumped at the opportunity even though I know it is a pity offer.

It is relevant that both his family and mine are of Indian descent. I moved out the day after my birthday and my parents haven’t contacted me since. I admit that I did not reach out to them too. Yesterday my dad called to invite me to dinner.

It was awkward even before they asked me to move back in, said I don’t have to pay them rent or anything. But here’s the thing, I like my new living situation, it lacks the awkwardness and tension that I didn’t even know was there untill I moved out.

When I said no, politely at that and thanking them for the offer, my mother started crying and left the room, while my dad started scolding me and saying that their friends are excluding them because of the “rumour” that they threw me out and another desi family had to take me in.

I said that that was exactly what happened, and it isn’t my job to save them from the consequences of their actions and decisions. Now my whole extended family is calling me nonstop and saying I am being an AH.. So AITA?

Edit: first I want to thank you all for the kind comments and well wishes, I was hesitating for a moment there and you all made me feel so much better about my decision. I read every comment and appreciate every award.

Didn’t think this post would explode like this but I am happy because of all the nice comments.
To answer a question that was asked by a lot of my fellow desi Redditors: I think my parents thought that I would be moving with strangers and they could say that I was trying to be independent and they were supportive of that.

But when I moved with people from the community they couldn’t pretend anymore. Also I think the aunty and uncle I live with are the ones who told people about the situation, they are extremely nice and were very upset about what my parents did. They have offered me to live with them as long as I wish and were not even going to accept any rent except I insisted.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Awkward-Mix-283 −  NTA. They don’t want you back, they want their reputation and social life back. Your parents are cold, mean people. Don’t go back for anything. Hopefully this other family welcomes you and treats you as one of their own.

I’m sorry. You deserve a lot better than you’ve been treated so far. ETA: Thanks everyone for the wonderful awards

7212gopew22 −  “ saying that their friends are excluding them because of the “rumour” that they threw me out and another desi family had to take me in.”

NTA they don’t want you to move back because they care for you they just want to look good to their friends.
You’re an adult and you should stay moved out if that’s what you feel more comfortable with. You don’t need to sacrifice your wants or needs for others

FlyGuy1922 −  NTA. You moved out like they asked and you seem happier! If your parents are unhappy with their choices and are upset about being shamed in their community then they have to deal with the consequences!
Seems like you’re the adult in this situation and they still have some growing up to do.

spicyblonde −  NTA. These are called consequences, Mom and Dad.

fightwithgrace −  **NTA!!!!!** I had the EXACT same thing happen to me as a teenager.
My brother and I got a 6hr warning that we were to be out of the house by that evening and any belongings we left would be sold or thrown out immediately.

We were desperate for help, so I posted on Facebook (back when EVERYONE was on there), asking if anyone had a truck we could use and why we needed it so badly on such short notice.

One of my cousins saw the post and it eventually got back to my grandmother. She called me, screaming and raging that I would be so cruel as to “ruin my father’s reputation” as a good father.

If he wanted to be seen as a good father, maybe he shouldn’t have made two of his children (including one with significant disabilities) homeless with no warning!

OP, yours are facing the consequences of their actions. Do **NOT** move back in! It may be hard at the moment, but you have just begun a new and MUCH happier chapter of your life! Stay strong!

lachrymosade −  NTA. Your parents did exactly what their friends are saying they did, and you moving back in will not actually change that. Nor, I suspect, will it actually help them save face – your parents’ friends aren’t going to magically forget that they threw you out if you move back in!

And even if it did magically brainwash the friends, you would still have no obligation to go back.
You prefer your living situation now, and your parents have made it very clear that you owe each other nothing.
They’re reaping what they sowed and it’s not your job to save them from that.

Crazyspitz −  NTA. They didn’t then and still don’t care about you, at all. They care about what other people are saying about them.You don’t need them. I wish you the absolute very best in life.

KnitPunPurl2 −  NTA. Clearly, they wanted you to move back in for appearances and to maintain social standing. From your telling, their offer had nothing to do with missing you or really wanting you back in the house.

Further, they have made it clear to you for years that you were a burden and an oops, and in turn you planned for life accordingly. Make your own way, but don’t burn any bridges incase s**t goes sideways.

Faintkay −  Indian here. They are only wanting you back because of community perception. They wouldn’t have called you for dinner nor to move back in if it wasn’t for that.

Stick to your guns and let them deal with it. The fact they didn’t even bother to call you since you moved out tells you exactly how they feel about you. Live the life you want to live OP, NTA.

Loreo1964 −  NTA. You have lived up to exactly what they planned. A pleasant living situation was offered and you rightly took it. Enjoy life. Don’t look back.

Do you think the user was right to prioritize his independence over his parents’ request, or should he have considered their plea for the sake of family harmony?

How would you handle a similar dilemma involving family expectations? Share your perspective below!