My (20F) boyfriend (20M) invites my best friend (20F) out to games, just the two of them.

A Reddit user discovered that her boyfriend has been secretly inviting her best friend to games instead of her, claiming she wouldn’t understand or be fun to attend with. The best friend declines and encourages him to include the user, but she never mentioned his advances. Now, the user feels betrayed and wonders how to confront the situation. Read the original story below…

‘ My (20F) boyfriend (20M) invites my best friend (20F) out to games, just the two of them.’

My boyfriend(lets call him J) and I have been together for a year and me and my best friend(lets call her G) have been friends since grade school. J and G are both varsity players and are addicted to watching sports. They would follow hockey, baseball, soccer, football, basketball, like almost any game they love.

However, i’m not really a sports person but still I would make the effort to attend their games. I would also make an effort to learn and understand their games. J plays football and G plays soccer. J was using my laptop and forgot to logout his facebook account. I know its wrong to snoop but I couldn’t help it.

Some his teammates were messaging him and I clicked on the message icon and saw that he was messaging G. I got curious and scrolled through it and saw that he invited G out to multiple games, saying that he will buy 2 tickets for this game or that game. G would decline and tell him that he should invite me.

J then said that I wouldn’t understand and that I was not fun to be with in these kinds of things. G said that he is being unfair to me. J still sends multiple messages to G about wanting to talk and wanting to go out with her. This has been going on for months.

G has said nothing to me about this and the only thing that she did to kinda allude to the situation is to text me list of games that I should watch because those are J’s favorite teams. I kinda feel betrayed by both of them. Although I feel more betrayed by J than G. What should I do? How should I approach this?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

ashleyfromreddit −  I don’t think you should feel betrayed by your friend. She probably didn’t tell you because 1) she didn’t want you to lose out on your relationship, and 2) because she didn’t want to harm your friendship or make you feel jealous. She did great by defending you and declining his offers. You should be glad that you have such a loyal friend! A lot of other girls would’ve accepted his offers.

[Reddit User] −  You should not feel betrayed by your friend. She’s an awesome friend, if anything. She turned down all the invites. She defended you from your boyfriend’s lame insults. She attempted to get him to invite you to the games. She, in her way, tried to bolster your interest in these games.

She didn’t want to ruin you two’s relationship and instead tried to steer him in the right direction. Many people wish they can have a friend like this. You should certainly talk to your boyfriend about this. This is 100% a HIM problem, at least in my opinion.

theskipster −  Why the f**k do you feel betrayed by G? That girl is solid and rocks. That’s a girl who has your back and you can trust to not betray you with your next BF too. Don’t let your anger cause you to push a loyal friend like that away just because your current BF is being shady.

SnapesSocks −  Your friend has not betrayed you. She’s good. She’s trying to help without causing drama within your relationship, while simultaneously shutting your boyfriend down every time he asks for something inappropriate. Your boyfriend, however, is crossing lines.

Acceptable_Recipe −  Yes, your friend probably should’ve told you. But at the same time, she completely rejected his attempts and defended you from his insults. She even tried to guide him to do the right thing. That’s not something you should be too mad about.

As for him, yeah, that’s a problem. You don’t usually speak poorly of your partner to another woman, while trying to set up one on one hang outs, if your intentions are innocent. In my experience, it sounds like he has a crush on her that he’s trying to indulge. I would confront him about what he’s done and said.

LivelyUnicorn −  The messenger always gets shot in this situation. Don’t blame her for not telling you, I wouldn’t have either. Least you can see with your own eyes what’s happened – it may be completely innocent because of shared interests but weird how how he keeps asking

anofogetaboutit −  Maybe your friend didn’t tell you because she worried you wouldn’t believe her or somehow blame her for your boyfriend being a thirsty weasel? She did nothing wrong. On the other hand, he went behind your back to invite your friend to hang out and talk, several times, after she repeatedly told him to ask you.

If it was purely innocent and just wanted to hang out purely cause she’s a cool dude and likes the same sports as him, he would have gotten a clue after she declined the first time and stopped asking her, but no he kept going.

liluyvene −  Honestly. Reach out to G for some comfort. Thank her for what she said to J and keep her close. She’s someone you can trust and who will help you heal from this break up.

[Reddit User] −  Look, your friend is in a hard spot. Her friends boyfriend is clearly making loose advances on her and she is intimidated by the idea of telling you. What if you take his side? What if he goes nuts and blames her for putting a rift between you two? Ll that s**t. Consider her position here just… maybe a little? Shes rejecting him.

Shes telling him “invite OP” and trying to help you watch more games to maybe bridge that gap in your relationship. What about this friend is q betrayal exactly? That she didn’t tell you? Fair to an extent. Considering what I’ve already typed though, you should feel a bit disappointed and even upset. But you do not come at your friend guns blazing for trying to do right by you. That would make you an a**hole.

What you do now? Probably d**p this a**hole. And then speak to your friend. Tell her something like. “Hey I appreciate your efforts and your loyalty to me and trying to help my relationship. However, I just dont want to be with a person like that at all. If anything like this ever happens can you please tell me as soon as you feel even a little bit uncomfortable?

I know and trust that you wouldn’t start drama for no reason. I would believe you and be thankful to you for telling me. I would just like to know so that I can decide for myself if the relationship is even something I would want to continue.” Cover all the bases. Thank her for her efforts. Explain why and how you’d like this to be handled differently if it ever was a situation again.

So you can express your feelings/disappointment in how she handled it while also thanking her for doing her best. No one has to walk away feeling like an a**hole and no one has to feel strain on the friendship and you solve all of the issues that are here. Boom. Handling things without being stupid is 99% of the time the better option.

[Reddit User] −  G is a real one damn

Is the boyfriend being shady, or is it just a misunderstanding? Should the best friend have told her sooner? How would you handle this situation? Share your thoughts below.