My gf is dirty as hell and I can’t stand it

A Reddit user (23M) shares his frustrations about his girlfriend (22F) being extremely dirty and not maintaining cleanliness in their shared home. Despite having communicated his concerns multiple times, she continues to let the kitchen, laundry, and room become messy.

He feels burdened by having to constantly clean after her, and although she temporarily addresses the issue when he brings it up, it doesn’t last. The user is seeking advice on how to address the issue effectively.

‘ My gf is dirty as hell and I can’t stand it’

So my gf (22f) is one of my biggest blessings in life, but man is this girl dirty as hell. When we first initially met she had told me, but I was like naw can’t be that bad… boy was I wrong.
Just a little back story… we have been together for about a year and live together. Let’s talk dirty: The kitchen – she loves to cook, but does not clean as she goes. Dishes will pile up.

Trash gets full. Unless I clean the kitchen which is basically every day bc I can’t stand the mess it will stay dirty. I have talked to her before about how I shouldn’t have to clean every single day, but she just doesn’t get it. Laundry – she will pile that s**t up and let it pile forever. She be questioning whether garments are clean or dirty.

Half the time I do her laundry and I have to ask her to fold it. If I don’t, she will just add the clean clothes to another basket. Room- when she gets home from work she just takes her clothes off throughout the room when she could have just put it in the dirty laundry to begin with. She will bring food into the room and leave dirty plates and cups for DAYS.

Things start to cultivate! Honestly, I have talked to her about cleanliness and how important it is, but she doesn’t get it. I explained that we are now living together and we need to come to some sort of middle grounds. Whenever I bring it up she gets annoyed. She will clean the day after I mention it and then never do it again until I bring it up AGAIN. Ugh. Advice, suggestions?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

ButterWingsMagee −  Make and set rules that make both of comfortable. These rules can be anything, just make sure you’re both comfortable in your own home. Tuesday’s and Wednesdays I do dishes. Monday’s and Thursdays you do them. Clothes Washing done every Saturday and Sunday. Make a schedule if you have to, the key is to make sure you guys stick to it somehow

[Reddit User] −  I had to have my bf read this and ask it this was written by him. He denies everything! Could be me but I do the laundry at least… But from now on I’ll be better. Thanks for the wake up call!

[Reddit User] −  sounds like me tbh. I’m trying to change and a good way I found helps is if I loose something I need or I get super angry/ sad I start cleaning lol. Real talk another good way is write everything she needs to do on a list and have her check it off once she does it. It sounds childish but it’s working for me so far 🙂 .

ThrowawayAl2018 −  Oh, my ex-wife was not tidy, leaves dirty dishes and her clothes everywhere. Unfortunately, she was an undiagnosed bipolar and this is one of the traits of the disease. Not saying your GF has mental health issues, but generally in the psyc ward, patients cleanliness are noted. Tried every single trick from books, therapist, marriage counsellor, pastor.

Didn’t work for me. Best advice: hire a cleaner so you don’t hold a grudge against her. Tell her that you can’t afford to take her out to nice dinners as money is spent on up-keeping the home.
Edit: Just to add, it is NOT her mess or OP mess but both their mess. Finger pointing doesn’t resolves anything. As to underlying mental health issues, that has to be looked at immediately since it is the root cause.

When one is depressed or manic know that they are not their true self but it is disease is taking hold of their lives. They are not at fault for the cards life has dealt them. Therapy and/or meds will help and improve the outcome. Focus on a solution, not the problem.

[Reddit User] −  You are in the same situation than me and I’m sorry to tell you this: she won’t change. I’ve lived with my SO for about 6 years and now we’ve got to the point that I’m seriously thinking of leaving him. I have tried EVERYTHING: ultimatums, chore lists, trying just to tolerate ech. But in the end he just “doesn’t see” the mess and dirt, and I ens up being anxious and mad and can’t relax at home.

[Reddit User] −  She can’t listen to a conversation so it comes to a loop, she makes a mess you clean it up. Here’s what I did to my roommate: her clothes? I piled them in the corner. We had a laundry room, made sure to split the storage/shelving area half and half. If her stuff got to my side? I packed it in harder.

Sometimes she left her clothes in the washer so long they stunk, i dried them anyways and shoved them further into her pile. Dishes? Her dishes stayed on her side. When they flowed to my side of the sink? I piled them more and she was not allowed to use my dishes. She needed a slap in the face to do normal things.

She liked to take the garbage out of the holder to replace the bag, but always sat the bag by the door to assume I’ll take it out. Instead, i just piled all of the bags by her bedroom door. What do ya know? It worked – sort of. She wasn’t perfect but it changed her perspective since talking wasnt doing the trick.

CB313 −  Tell her that you refuse to be her maid, and that you don’t want to be home because of the filth that only you seem to care about. Start showering at the gym, start eating out by yourself, start washing only your clothes. If she doesn’t start re adjusting her perception on what an acceptable living situation is, then leave.

TannerTheG −  Man I was expecting a different story from the title lol

sangresangria13 −  Might want to re-think this relationship because after a while, you will start to resent having to constantly clean after her and she will get tired of you nagging her about it. You are delaying the inevitable.

Do you think the user should have a more direct or different conversation with his girlfriend about her cleanliness habits? Or should he reconsider his relationship if this issue continues? How would you handle living with someone who doesn’t respect shared responsibilities? Share your thoughts below and join the discussion!