AITA For my reaction when my 30yo fiancè exchanged his gift with my 16yo brother?.?

A Reddit user shares her frustration over her fiancé’s actions during a family visit. Despite being in a difficult financial situation, her fiancé was dissatisfied with his gifts and constantly complained about them.

After her brother, who has a chronic condition, received a $300 Xbox from her, the fiancé exchanged it with a much less valuable gift he received. When the Redditor discovered this, she was livid, especially after learning he pressured her brother into the exchange. This led to a confrontation, and now her fiancé is upset with her for taking the Xbox back.

The Redditor is conflicted about her reaction and wonders if she was wrong. Read the full story below…

‘ AITA For my reaction when my 30yo fiancè exchanged his gift with my 16yo brother?.?’

I F26 been with my fiancè for 3 years. We both work and we both share rent and other expenses. But My fiancè is currently looking for a new job. He lost his old job 3 months ago.

My family lives 30min away and although it’s been difficult this year I decided to get my brother (who has a chronic condition and struggled a lot lately and was in the hospital for a few days for anemia) the one thing he’s been wanting for some time.

I got him an Xbox that cost me 300$. He was so happy and I’m glad I was able to cheer him up during those times.
My fiancè received a few gifts from his family. But he wasn’t happy with any of them. I got him a perfume and he liked it.

We were visiting my family and we had dinner with them. My fiancè looked at the Xbox I got for my brother and didn’t stop talking about it. My parents noticed, I told him to stop complaining about what he got/didn’t get this year.

That made them uncomfortable especially since they’ve been dealing with my brother’s health issues and needed to relax.
We got home and my fiancè took something from the closet and left for about an hour. I was asleep when he came back.

In the morning I was surprised to find my brother’s Xbox in the closet. I woke him and asked him about it. Turned out He dropped me off drove back to my family’s house and exchanged the gift his aunt gave him (a 14$ fancy pen) with my brother’s xbox. He said that my brother was happy to exchange gifts.

I was so mad I told him this wasn’t for him and he basically took something that is not his. Not to mention a pen for an Xbox, that’s ridiculous. He told me that maybe I shouldn’t have spent 300 while trying to pay for rent.

I told him as long as I can pay rent that’s not a problem. And that he needs to find a job if he thinks my money isn’t enough. I called my mom and I found out that they didn’t actually exchange gifts.

My fiancè pressured my brother into giving him his Xbox. I was livid and so mad I told him to take the Xbox back to my brother but he said it was between him and my brother but I insisted. He refused so I ended up taking it myself.

My fiancè argued when I took it and said that I was pressuring him and treating him poorly and have no respect for his feelings. I told him he was wrong to make my brother give him his gift and causing him stress and ruining his joy.

I apologized to my brother and my parents and I felt awful because of how my fiancè behaved. My fiancè isn’t talking to me saying that I have no consideration for his feelings and not understanding how he feels not having money to buy himself the things he likes.

I’m surprised because he has never done anything like this before. I get that he’s struggling with finding a job but this is not an excuse.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

cassidy1111111 −  Nta. You may want to consider trading in the fiancé though……

Thighs_ −  INFO: why are you with this a**hole? Like, what redeeming qualities does he possess?

sierracool33 −  NTA. He practically stole a gift meant for someone who deserved it more than he did. Hope your brother is alright, OP.

ClutterRenegade −  NTA. Your fiancé is…. well, how do I say this delicately? Hyperfocused on his own emotions to the point of ignoring both social norms and other people’s boundaries.

graceowen28 −  NTA, I’m really sorry but your fiancé low-key sounds like the worst person ever, pressuring a chronically ill 16 year old to exchange his 300$ Xbox for a pen is not cool. Definitely NTA, I would consider breaking off the engagement tbh :/. Edit: 16, not 13 sorry

e-elegia −  NTA. That’s gross, tbh. Your fiancé is a grown man. Your brother is a teenager struggling with chronic health issues. Fiancé is acting like a b**t. He didn’t have an issue with you spending $300 on an xbox, he had an issue with you spending $300 on an xbox that wasn’t for him.

He was also deceitful to you, pushed past your brother’s boundaries, and displayed a disregard for your whole family just so that he could get what he wanted. Are you reevaluating your imminent marriage yet? Because you probably should.

sighcantthinkofaname −  Nta sounds like your little brother’s more mature, appreciative, and kind than your fiance. If he wants to discuss finances he can do that like an adult, he should not shame you and manipulate a child.

PoohBear2008 −  Your fiancé took advantage of an ill teenage boy under your parents roof during a family gathering and tried to lie about it. He manipulated your brother, the situation and gaslit you.

This is a big red flag. If he can do this to your brother, how do you think he will take advantage of you in the future? This was a calculated manipulation of a minor. THIS is your first warning. Don’t wait for more. Run!

Katnis85 −  OP run 1) He feels your money belongs to him. 2) He saw something he wanted and guilted a child to giving it to him. 3) he tried g**lighting you to believe your brother agreed to this outrageous exchange. 4) he sees no issue in his behaviour and tried defending it.

Most abusive partners hide their true personality until marriage or they have caused you to lose all ties to your family. This one gave you a glimpse at it early. What happens if he doesn’t like the gifts you give them next year?

How is he going to react if you treat yourself to something nice. What if you do something he doesn’t agree with. It’s not a far leap until he feels like he is entitled to you and your obedience. Run before the stakes get any higher.. Edited for spelling.

brownies671 −  NTA. He’s 30, but he has the mental capacity of a 13-year-old. Are you sure this is the kind of guy you want to spend the rest of your life with?

Do you think the Redditor’s reaction was justified given the disrespectful nature of her fiancé’s actions, or was her response too harsh given his current struggles? How would you handle a similar situation where a partner pressures a family member? Share your thoughts below!