40 Weeks Pregnant & Reamed out by partner for spending $35
A woman, 40 weeks pregnant and on medical leave, shares how her partner berated her for spending $35 on a drying rack using his credit card. Despite running errands and managing household expenses mostly on her own, she returned the item to avoid further conflict.
Her partner canceled their date night, accused her of having a “shopping habit,” and threatened to withdraw financial support, stressing her out just before giving birth. She feels unsupported and upset at being treated unfairly, especially as she has always contributed her share.
‘ 40 Weeks Pregnant & Reamed out by partner for spending $35’
Also, we received mostly EVERYTHING we could’ve ever wanted for our baby from my friend. I also paid for the car seat, change table and nursing chair. My job gifted us an enormous amount of diapers.
NOW: We wanted to put floating shelves in the nursery. I ask to use his credit card. Whilst buying the floating shelves, I used his credit card to buy a $35 laundry drying rack. This is where it all unravels.
I’ve expressed wanting a drying rack in the past (we use ski poles to hang items between doors. I climb a chair to balance these sticks. I am thinking of all the laundry I’ll be doing with a baby and don’t want to be climbing a chair to balance clothing on ski poles).
I had a feeling this purchase would be an issue so all the other errands I did that day I used my own credit card (i.e. filled gas in my car which we share; bought new batteries for our garage door opener ($15); made copies of our house keys since he asked me to ($15); small groceries ($30) since my Mom is staying with us and he gets cranky when “his” food is eaten).
I know I’m being incredibly verbose here but I feel like all these details matter since I truly run myself to my financial limit to avoid his wrath/lectures.When I got home, he demanded I return it. I did return it but I told him he is controlling.
He said I buy things for fun with his credit card. I think I’ve used his credit card a total of 5-10 times in our five year relationship and its been getting groceries for parties with HIS family. I’ve NEVER once used his credit card on anything personal.
32 hours later: he tells me he is buying his own car (to dissociate from needing anything from me, I imagine) and he will “never help me financially again and its up to me to figure out how I am going to finance my mat leave”.I understand he is stressed and I think his stress comes out in the form of control.
I’m pissed off because this is the kind of support I receive leading into labour. I’m also pissed off because I feel like there is an assumption by his family and friends that I live off his income since we have a beautiful home in a desirable neighbourhood and he has a significantly higher paying job than me.
I’ve never let on that this couldn’t be further from the truth.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
butterfly-garden ( Top 1 ) says
Don’t sell your condo. Move into it with your baby.
Drunkendonkeytail ( Top 2 ) says
??? He leaves it to you to figure out how to finance your leave? If it were me I’d “leave” to spend some time in that condo of yours.
FinalJeopardyWin ( Top 3 ) says
>32 hours later: he tells me he is buying his own car (to dissociate from needing anything from me, I imagine) and he will “never help me financially again and its up to me to figure out how I am going to finance my mat leave”. RUN.
DidIStutter76 ( Top 4 ) says
This isn’t normal. I repeat, this is not normal. I hate to say this to a pregnant woman, especially at the tail end of her pregnancy, because I know this is the absolute most incredibly stressful time in your life. But you gotta go.
This is not going to work itself out, and you need to pack up all of the things you got from your friend and move back to your condo. You’ll be fine. File for full custody and child support, but you need to start planning your escape now, before the baby comes. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
DazzleLove ( Top 5 ) says
Abuse often escalated in pregnancy. You are now in his eyes financially and physically trapped, and he is escalating his control and financial abuse of you. This is not going to get better if you sell your condo as you will have nowhere to go to.
At the very least, you need to agree to him giving you a fixed amount of his income per month whilst on maternity leave. If he doesn’t agree to this, you need to leave. Otherwise you will build up increasing debt on your leave or be forced to go back to work too early. And he will likely force you to pay for daycare too.
Glinda-The-Witch ( Top 6 ) says
NTA. I suggest you kick his b**tt to the curb. Sell the house, that should help you cover costs during your maternity leave. Go live in your condo with the baby. He can pay child support and half of the daycare costs. His behavior is truly outrageous and you and your baby don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
good luck, and please let us know how all of this works out.
34countries ( Top 7 ) says
This is not a man you want to raise a child with. Move into your condo asap. You have cognitive dissonance because you made excuses for his behavior
Alone is better than a controlling man. He’s stressed? No you are the one giving birth. How dare he
BandicootBrave278 ( Top 8 ) says
Thank you to everyone for reading and responding. I actually wrote this post on my desktop a couple weeks ago but didn’t get around to posting it until now because of fear? IDK. I did have my baby and we are two weeks postpartum. Things have been tense and my spouse has been awful to my Mom who has been around helping me.
Like truly awful to her. That’s another issue. I guess it’s helped having a witness. I appreciate everyone’s advice. Right now, I am focused on my baby and healing as I did have a very traumatic birth. I can tell I need to leave. The condo I have is several provinces away. And it actually did sell…
I don’t have tenants in it so that it is vacant for the sellers. My spouse is head over heels for the baby. He has been treating me (and my Mom) awfully but is fully engaged with the baby. As for those commenting on why on earth did I procreate with this human…good question.
I have a lot of regret for letting myself go so far with him (i.e. moving across the country, buying a home). I’ll admit that the person I thought he was is not the person he is and I normalized WAYYY too much. I think I wanted this relationship to work but clearly at all costs. Maybe, it’s a low self esteem thing.
The baby was not planned as I had been told in the past I had fertility issues so it was a surprise. Anyway, this might go against Reddit rules. … Internet strangers…THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. You’re helping a lot.
FigSpecific2502 ( Top 9 ) says
So what you’re describing is abuse. Plain and simple. He’s a**usive. Go live in your condo honey. This won’t get better. He’s going to be pissed at all the expenses that come with a child and guess who he’s going to make pay for all of it. Leave now.
Establish child support through the courts and your state so he has no control over it or he’ll never pay a dime.
Active_Sentence9302 ( Top 10 ) says
He’s got you now. You have no income, no savings, and you’re about to have a new baby. “He can be controlling”. That’s not going to get better, ever. I hope you have a very speedy recovery from childbirth, you’re going to need to get back to work ASAP so that you can escape him.
See a family law attorney at the first opportunity (do NOT tell him) and don’t let your mom leave you alone with him. Don’t leave the house, you may lose it to him. I’m so sorry this is happening to you.